Smiley Happy Gretta

EVERYONE

LETS HAVE A PARTY

MY BOOBS ARE BACK TO THEIR NORMAL SIZE.

However, the bad point I am sure I am due on my period in the next week or two. Do you think if I talk to them they'll behave and stay at normal size?

It's worth a try right?

Oh and I've emailed Teddy today

So you'll read about Teddy here.

He's 'suppose' to be visiting in July, but he emailed me mid May saying he'd let me know when his flight is booked and what the details are. Guess what in true Teddy fasion he has lost contact with me. I don't think he's coming now - it's all a bit odd. Anyway, I've emailed

"Hi Teddy

How are you doing?

I'm assuming because I haven't heard from you, you're now not coming to visit? Anyway, if you are let me know as soon as, so I can book some time off work. Hope you're well and work isn't too stressful

Gretta x"

I really hope he replies - even if it is a I'm not coming now. He does have a habit of contacting me hwen I least expect him too so he could just turn up but I'd rather have a pre-planned arrangement.

You give me pleasure but also cause me so much pain.

Work is really quiet today – it’s hard to believe that some days I feel completely snowed under and other days I am sat twiddling my thumbs.

Anyhow… It’s weird but I feel kind of ok about the Flatmate situation at the moment, he was online last night, and so was I. He struck up a conversation with me but I wanted to keep it short – I told him I was going to bed, and said “can’t you stay online a little while longer, we haven’t chatted for quite a while now – not properly” He’s right we haven’t so I stayed but he was taking ages responding to my ims so in the end I said “you’re busy doing something else so I am gona head to bed” and that was that. I thought he may have come online to chat today but he hasn’t as yet. I feel ok about it all. I feel distant from him, yet ok with it. The gradual process Scotty – I’m doing good aren’t I?

I’m so bored at work today – ahh well only another 2 and half hours to go hehe.

In need

I’m fed up now, this is ridiculous, I need to meet new people, I need to meet new men. The men in my life are all people I’ve known for some time now. I need something new, something fresh, something fun and something I can get my teeth into. I’m bored of the men in my life, I need something more.

Concerned...

I’ve hardly spoken to flatmate lately. I chatted to him for a bit last night but he wasn’t very receptive and I couldn’t really be bothered either. I feel like things are finally coming to their end and I’m not sad about it anymore which is good. Ok I’m a little sad about it but I really do feel like I’m moving on.

So Jerk Boy, well, here’s a bit of a story for you. He’s taken to nicknaming me Wifey!!! At first I found it all quite funny but now it’s a bit annoying! Since spending the day with him last week he’s been in contact with me a lot. And it’s making me question our friendship. I don’t like him anymore, he is just a friend to me yet when he does things like the below it kind of freaks me out a little…

Tuesday – Spent the day together while he was at his interview while shopping.

Wednesday – Text me twice and emailed me once

Thursday – replied to my reply email

Friday – Sent a bunch of flirtatious texts to me regarding the perks I should receive as his wife!!!!!!

Saturday – we were both out with a group of our friends, he sat opposite me all night and flirted like mad with me for most of the night and kept commenting on my boobs. Ok so I was wearing a revealing top.

Sunday – Was suppose to meet him to watch a film however, he text me to say something had come up and he couldn’t make it.

Monday – was a work meeting and we spent the whole time making faces at each other (that’s actually not unusual we always do that at work meetings)

Tuesday – Got to work and an email regarding work was waiting from him and he is coming over tonight to my place with some friends to just chill.

I just feel like things have seemed to stepped up a gear in our friendship, I could be wrong but contact between me and Jerk Boy has certainly been more and I have to confess I am concerned about it.

I’m not concerned that he has feelings for me because he made his feeling for me very clear a few years ago and I definitely odn’t think he’s changed his mind. I am also not concerned about my feeling for him, yes in the past I really liked him a lot but I can safely say I’ve moved on. So what should I be worried about???

Well, it’s our friends, if they start hinting to Jerk Boy about us and our friendship becoming more extreme again, he’s going to freak out and back away. We’ve already been through an awkward period and we came out the other side, going back there is something I really don’t want. However, I just don’t know what to do, because he’s Jerk Boy, one of my bestest friends.

Why does the whole boy/girl close friendship thing always get complicated and why do friends always feel the need to butt in and imply things that only cause people to freak out?

I’m not sure I’m making much sense – go read Scotty’s blog ;) he always makes sense (like you plug hun?).

Gretta xx

Coming soon...

Where is Socal Sweetie??? I miss her oh so much, hope you're ok hun!

and now for something completely different.

I am busy at work right now, had a late night meeting last night so am majorly busy but you have the update on both Flatmate and Jerk Boy to look forward too.

Some things have happened during 'The X' posts which I haven't had chance to fill you in on.

The X - Part 4 (The grand finale)

For the next month or so The X and me were spending more time together and things still didn’t feel completely right between us but we were working at it and things seemed to be coming together or at least that’s what I thought and the impression he gave me…

________________

Continued...

Then there was one week where he “said” to me he had a lot of study to do and that he’d spend time with me when he got chance. This didn’t lie to easy with me, even when he said it something hadn’t convinced me – so I thought I am not going to contact him this week not by text, not by phone, not at all and if he contacts me then he clearly misses me if he doesn’t then we really do have problems. So I went 4 days with no contact what so ever and then I caved and rang him. His dad answered the phone..

Dad: Hi Gretta

Gretta: Hi, is he there?

Dad: Oh no Gretta he’s gone to the pub with the guys

Gretta: Oh ok let him know I rang

I was a little shocked that he’d gone to the pub, even if he had the guys are my friends too and they would have clearly expected him to invite me. Something wasn’t adding up. So, I went to the pub.

When I arrived I didn’t let anyone see me, and I was right, he was there with not just the guys but the gals as well and my friends. Lesbian was there and that’s when I saw it, they were flirting like crazy and the chemistry between them was so visible to me, that it must have been visible to all of my friends. Had they not even asked where I was?

I wanted to go in and start rowing but instead I just slipped quietly away and decided to try and figure out what to do. I spent that whole night awake trying to get my head around it all. Thoughts like this went through my head…

“It’s just harmless flirting”

“She’s a lesbian she doesn’t like him”

“He was just taking a study break and a friend must have invited him out and the others were already there”

I was coming up with as many excused as I could and in the end I decided to just let it go and see what they were like when I was around. The following week we all went out together and sure enough I noticed the flirting then.

So, after 3 years of an on and off relationship and 7 years of wanting this guy. I ended things.

A week later him and Lesbian were in a relationship, whether he’d cheated on me before that I don’t know but they were together. I had it out with Lesbian, in fact a friend of mine had to pull me off of her because I was fuming mad, I never liked the girl but I’d gone out of my way to help her, introduce her to my friends and then she stole my boyfriend! It just didn’t seem right to me.

I stopped talking to both of them and actually I managed to make their lives hell! Not intentionally but the majority of our friends sided with me and therefore stuck with me. If they invited our friends out I’d refuse to go and my friends would often feel in the middle. Him and Lesbian only lasted 5 months, during that time he mucked up a year at uni and had to re-take it and Lesbian left him for a woman haha. You can’t help but laugh about that, I sooo knew she was a lesbian and when it all came out most of our friends were like “I thought she was but when she started seeing The X didn’t think she was afteral”

I didn’t speak to The X for a whole year even though we were still hanging around with the same friends.

After a year, our friends told us we need to be civil and sort it out, so we got together and chatted it all through, he apologised for the way he treated me, I managed to get a lot of hurt off my chest and we’ve been friends ever since, not close friends but friends all the same. I’d never take him back and he knows that, but I also couldn’t chuck away a friendship that I’d had since the age of 13. He’s now seeing someone and has been in a very long relationship with actually a really nice girl who I like a lot. As for Lesbian no one has seen her since I tried to spark her out.

And since then I've been pretty single. I couldn't cope with another relationship like that so I wont get into a relationship unless I am sure I'm gona be treated with the respect I deserve so I guess that's why at the moment I'm happy with my little playful life.

The End..

The X - Part 3

I stayed friendly with The X because deep in my heart I still firmly believed we were meant to be together and one blip, knowing full well what The Witch was like, wouldn’t stop me at least trying. So while he was still openly confessing to me that he had a plan to get The Witch, I was plotting my own plan, a plan to get him back.

__________________________________________________

Continued....

And what better way to start this plan then to go shopping and buy lots of nice new clothes, which is what I did. He must have been pursuing The Witch for a good few months, until he finally gave up. I decided that I wouldn’t tell him about The Chair and The Witches relationship. It might have helped me in the long run but The Chair had told me in confidence and truth is I kind of felt bad for telling him (not that it was my fault). When I realised he wasn’t besotted anymore with The Witch, I got my new clothes on, I looked fab and I made sure he saw all the attention I was getting from our other guy friends.

Now, I’m not being funny, but some guys are a bit silly because he was literally putty in my hands after that. He kept calling me, asking me out, and trying to hang out with me. I knew if I wanted him I could have him but after what he did, he needed to work for it. He needed to know that what he did wasn’t acceptable so I told him that and sure enough for the next few months he showered me with attention, gifts and a whole lot of time and I soon decided that I’d give it another go. My friends (the same friends that thought we were made for each other) thought I was mad to take him back. However, I still believed we were made for each other.

Again for the first 6 months things were fantastic, we’d both matured, we both knew what offended each other and what didn’t. I mean I think I was 19 at this point and he was 22. After the 6 month mark the second time round we started spending a little less time together, he was at university and studying hard. I’d noticed that the time we were spending was less than before but I wasn’t too concerned because as soon as summer came I was sure it would start again. After about 2 months of seeing him once or twice a week I began to get a little needy. I didn’t mean too but I was used to seeing him 5 times a week and I needed that time – I appreciate quality time. However, I was suppose to be going away for the weekend for a girls weekend with friends, and I was everso tempted to cancel it to spend time with him but then I realised I wouldn’t spend time with him even if I were at home so went anyway.

When I got back I went round to visit him

The X: I didn’t miss you when you were away this weekend

Gretta: Well, I didn’t miss you much either I was having a good time with my friends

The X: Yes but I feel as if I should miss you.

Gretta: We’ve hardly seen much of each other lately with all your study, so it’s not surprising you haven’t missed me.

The X: I’m feeling unsure again.

Gretta: Is there someone else? Do you want to end things?

The X: No to both but something has to change coz I feel like I should miss you when you go away.

I don’t really understand why missing me was so important to him, I didn’t miss him either but it didn’t mean I didn’t care. However, something had clearly shaken him up. So, we talked about it all and decided that he’d try to balance his study and when he was taking breaks he’d spend them with me – sounded easy enough.

Now I should tell you about Lesbian…. At the time I was working for a different company. I avoided the whole uni thing and went straight into work and I was working for a large company at the time in sales. A temp joined the company and I was assigned to train her up. She clearly had issues from the outset and for some reason she became a personal challenge to me. We became quite close and I invited her to hang out with my friends outside of work, she didn't stay at my compnay for very long and soon left.

I knew she was a lesbian from the outset. She never told me, but I knew, it’s like I had a radar. She looked like your typical lesbian and I often thought she might have had a bit of a thing for me. Anyway I introduced her to The X when we were all out one night and they got on fairly well. I wasn’t concerned about how well they got on because (and I don’t mean this in a nasty way but) she looked butch, she wasn’t very pretty and she was much more demanding and attention seeking than anyone I’d ever come across and to top it off she wasn’t really that nice a person. I just felt sorry for her because I knew she had issues and she didn't have many friends. When I spoke to The X about it he felt the same way I did, we both wanted to help her because she’d opened up to us and told us about some stuff in her past she’d been through.

For the next month or so The X and me were spending more time together and things still didn’t feel completely right between us but we were working at it and things seemed to be coming together or at least that’s what I thought and that's the impression he gave me…

To be continued…

The X - Part 2

The X: Gretta? You know what I want to ask.

Gretta: yes I do know and it's not a good time, I'm just out of a relationship.

And things were left at that.

_______________________

Continued..

I put the phone down that day and kicked the sofa really hard. I remember my big toe throbbing because I kicked the sofa. I was just so frustrated. He was what I wanted and when the time came it wasn’t the right time.

After that I still saw The X about a fair bit but he had taken to ignoring me which I thought was ridiculous, so I somehow made sure that when he was around I’d sit by him and chat about nothing. Soon enough he started pursuing me again, but I still didn’t want to jump straight into another relationship so I just let him pursue me then we actually started dating, and eventually, 7months after the original phone call, I said I’d be his girlfriend.

Things got fairly serious pretty quickly, our friends just thought we were the perfect couple and at 17 years old, marriage was being discussed as something we’d be doing in the future. We were in love or so I thought. Then after 6 months, it all went wrong. I went on holiday for a week and while I was away he started getting friendly with another girl – we will call her, the witch because I believe she cast a spell on him. So, when I got back I had this conversation with The X (the thing about The X is he was always awfully honest to the point you kind of thought you’d rather he lie)

The X: Gretta, I’ve decided I am unsure about us now and I want to pursue another.

Gretta: I’ve been away for a week and in that time you want someone else?

The X: Yes, I’ve been spending a fair bit of time with someone while you’ve been away and I think she likes me too.

Gretta: Who?

The X: The witch.

What no-one knew at this point was The Witch was actually in a secret relationship with another one of our friends. They didn’t want people knowing about it so had kept their relationship hush hush..

So it turned out The X was pursuing someone who wasn’t at all interested in him and I found that out shortly after, in quite a humiliating way.

After we broke up (the first time) to make myself feel better after the rejection, I decided that I would flirt with a guy we both knew, a guy we will call The Chair. So, I was flirting outrageously with The Chair, and in the end told The Chair the whole story that The X had decided to end things with me to chase The Witch, and that’s when it all came out. The Chair was with The Witch and I’d just told him that The Witch had been spending lots of time with my boyfriend causing him to think he had a chance and now he’s ended things with me to pursue her. So I guess you’re not going to be shocked when I say The Chair was fuming when I’d told him this and told me all about his secret relationship with her and I was fairly humiliated because I’d practically thrown myself at him in the process.

This is probably going to sound quite pathetic, but I didn’t blame The X really. Ok his actions were wrong but I knew The Witch too and I knew exactly what type of girl she was so in a sense I pitied him for falling for her. I stayed friendly with The X because deep in my heart I still firmly believed we were meant to be together and one blip, knowing full well what The Witch was like, wouldn’t stop me at least trying. So while he was still openly confessing to me that he had a plan to get The Witch, I was plotting my own plan, a plan to get him back.

To be continued...

The X - Part 1.

Lots of bloggers have been talking about their xs lately! Ok so when I say lots I clearly mean Betty and Scotty. However, considering I don't get many visitors to my blog (and actually my boob pic managed to entice a few wanders -I'm unsure how, maybe I do have a few blog lurkers) 2 IS A LOT in Gretta's world.

I've decided to be brave and spill the beans about my X. Hmmmmm.

I haven't been in a proper relationship for 5 years now. That's a LONG time when I think about it. However, I was pretty screwwed up after the (dreaded) X. I am completely over it now. I've had a few flings, and a fair few dates over the years and loads of 'possibles' yet it's never amounted to anything and you know what even though I would probably say I am very ready to be in a full on relationship, I am not foolish enough to give my heart compleltely to someone who is with another, and Im not gona give it to someone who doesn't fully appreciate me either. So I am not too bothered about my little playful life because until I meet someone who is right, I don't want to settle for anything less.

So, we'll keep this simple and call him.... The X.

I met The X when I was very young. I was 13 to be precise and he was 16. He dated my older sister briefly, for about a week, they didn't even snog (so he told me). I had the biggest crush on him, he was tall, dark, blue eyed, and very handsome yet he was also endearing, the typical quiet type, if he got embarrassed he'd blush - there was something that always managed to draw me to him. I liked him on and off all through my teenage years, and he'd told a friend that he liked me too but he saw me as too young for him, so at the back of my mind there was always that knowing that when I became an age that was 'acceptable' for him we'd get together. We were always pretty close friends and hung around with the same group - I tended to hang around the older people at school for some reason.

When I reached 16 and him being now 19, he started seeing someone, and I was devasted. Not to be a bitch but she was really very bizarre and gave me the heebeegeebees! I couldn't understand. I thought that 16 was quite an acceptable age, but clearly he didn't and had given up on waiting. So, I ended up with a guy who we will call NZ (coz he was born in New Zealand). So, NZ was a stud. I mean it, I've never met anyone as good looking and will never date anyone so 'typically' good looking again. NZ was picture perfect and to be honest I actually felt quite low in esteem when I was with him because I felt other girls would look at me and think I wasn't in his league. With that in mind I NEVER fully trusted NZ and NEVER gave him as much as he gave me. Girls would flock to him and the funny thing is he was smitten with me. I was just never smitten with him. He really did move heaven and earth to make me happy but it just wasn't enough. I was with NZ for 7 months in total, which I thought was quite good going for a 16 year old. While I was with him The X broke up with the freak he was with and the week after I'd ended things with NZ, The X called me up.

The X: Gretta, I've found out you and NZ have split up and wondered if you fancied a walk?

Gretta (who's always been a bit naive): A walk? Who's going the usual crowd?

The X: No Gretta, just me.

Clearly this was going to be the moment I'd been waiting for, for 4 years but the timing was completely wrong, you see when I ended things with NZ he cried on my shoulder. I'd never seen him cry before but this picture perfect guy was crying and I'd broken his 16 year old heart. To then just a week later start seeing someone else seemed too wrong even for Gretta.

Gretta: look, it's really not a good time for me to go for a walk right now, maybe another time.

The X: Gretta? You know what I want to ask.

Gretta: yes I do know and it's not a good time, I'm just out of a relationship.

And things were left at that.

Ok so I'm gona continue this later because it's clearly a long story and I'm not even going out with The X yet. I do have a habit of wanted to tell the WHOLE story.

To be continued....

Attention Seeker

I sometimes wonder why I crave attention. I think that once you've been given a lot of attention it's a little disappointing when you stop getting it. Since the wanking issue that happened a week or so back things between me and Flatmate calmed down a lot. That was until last night when it was me craving the attention, I contacted him and pretty much showered him with as much sexyness as I could and his response was "What about Gifty? I don't want you getting upset like you did last time" For that night I just wanted to forget about Gifty, I just wanted it to be him and me. I know it was wrong of me but I was just craving his attention, I wanted to feel his toned body, I wanted my hands to run up his torso towards his chest and I wanted my lips on his. I was pining for his touch, for him, he completely wrecked the mood and I came away feeling very rejected. I know I shouldn't have done it anyway, but I just was craving male attention and I guess I thought he'd willingly give it. Boy was I wrong.

Super Tired...

Jerk Boy didn't get the job, it was odd how nervous I was for him. There were loads of applicants for the job so I wasn't shocked taht he didn't get it. I was sat by a lady who was there for her daughter who had applied and she asked me if Jerk Boy was my partner. What a surprise NOT. Everyone asks that, one day we might give off a vibe that says... "We're just friends" but until that day I guess I'll go with being asked "is he your partner?" and then answering politely "No he's just my friend" altho today I was tempted to say "actually he's gay!" but as he's not that probably wouldn't have gone down too well if he found out for some reason. Hehe there's always next time *evil cackle*

After such a long day I think I am going to spend some time chilling.

Th big blow up...

And haha I'm for once not talking about the boobs.

So, as you know Jerk Boy and I have this great friendship, the sort of friendship that a few years ago got totally weird with mixed emotions, a lot of mixed signals, and a lot of very foolish activity. Yet after all that, we still manage to be great friends. However, our friends would probably say that the sexual tension between us when in the same room is noticable to everyone in a 4 mile radius of us. However, Jerk Boy and I have both exepted that nothing will ever happen between us - ST or no ST.

So, last night a big group of us were at the pub and Jerk Boy was there, anyway we were playing card games and he is renown for his cheating. For some reason last night his cheating got under my skin and I just started having it out with him with all of my friends watching in disbelief. Many of our friends comment on Jerk Boy and me when we flirt and wind each other up, but this was full on shouting at each other to the point where he told me I was *********** him off to the extreme. Then we do this silly thing where we stare each other out holding an aggressive gaze. We were totally freaking out our table and the thing is we were both boiling with anger.

Then I told him to just move on, and we did. That's kind of what happens when we fight we let it boil and then we move on.

So this morning, I get a text, I've come into work I need to print something off of your computer what's your password! I don't want Jerk Boy having my password.

a. there are confidential documents on my work computer that me and my boss work through

and

b. I haven't gotten rid of my website history lately and he's a nosey bugger and sure to be nosey and if he found this blog that would be the end of our friendship as I know it.

So, I text him back and said I would go into work and sort it out for him, and that's what I did. We laughed and chatted, talked about the interview on Tuesday!

Then I realised, it is so us, we seem to have the sort of friendship that can overcome anything. We've managed to overcome intensive flirting, many issues at work and now we've overcome probably the biggest row we've ever had. I still sometimes think that we're more right for each other than wrong, but even in the past I did fancy him. I just don't anymore and he doesn't fancy me either, yet tell you what he's such a good friend and someone I think I'll always value no matter how Jerky he often is.

The boob issue continues!

I seriously think I am going on a strict diet next week! Something has to work coz this is ridiculous.

And more plans fall too pot!

This morning I woke up to a text from Player. As you know next weekend I'm suppose to be visiting Player. Well, not now! You see he's been doing up his bathroom, and now there has been delayed delivery on his bath/shower, so he's been having to visit his aunt to shower. He'd rather re-arrange when his bathroom is finished and things are more convenient. Which of course is totally ok. However, I really needed that weekend away, the who Flatmate situation is screwing with my head so much at the moment and to just be away from it all for just a few days would have been such good medicine I know it would have.

I feel as if Flatmate at the moment has little respect for me, his caring side seems to be slowly disappearing! After the episode the other day of us just chatting normally and then it turning into something else kind of shook me up more than I thought. I just feel that out of the blue he was overcome by lust and it wasn't about us or caring it was about the fact that at the moment in time he needed to please himself. I'm glad I stopped him mid flow and I'm glad he logged off pretty much straight away.

I feel kind of lonely today too, why can't I just find someone who I can love without there being complications, if it's not that they're taken, it's that they live far away, if it's not that they live far away it's because they're not interested in me, if it's not because they're not interested in me, they don't put in any effort to actually get to know me! Why is it that the people that show me the most interest are the people that bring so many complications. I'm just getting a bit fed up with it all.

I am sooooooo bored!

WORK IS DEAD.

I've done my whole days worth of work in 3 hours and now I am going to tidy the office because there is nothing better to do!

Oh and my boobs are still silly in size I really hope they go down soon, if they're still like it this weekend I may take a photo of them to show you how big they are, but I don't have a before before pic so there is nothing to compare them too anyway! Grrrr maybe I wont's do that then.

Anyone know of any good games to play. Surely there must be a good blog game where we get to do crazy dares or something! I'm in a manic mood and need to be entertained..

The effect we have on each other!

I don't understand how what just happened just happened!

So, Flatmate had said to me he wouldn't be online today as he was going to be snowed under with work, but next thing, there he is on msn. I'm at work he "should" be working and we just get into this very casual and extremely easy conversation. We were chatting for ages about fashion and shoes and we chatted about his work that he was suppose to be doing, and my stuf that I've been working on and we were just laughing around a lot. It felt so good.

Then it all went wrong, all of a sudden completely out of the blue, he's on the webcam wanking in front of me. I just let him, I was enjoying it but then just after about 5 minutes guilt poured over me. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND IT'S NOT ME. I told him to stop. He did.

Then I was just like how did we get there, we were just in a normal conversation. He said it was the effect I have on him. I will admit in the past there has been times when I have intentionally wanted to have that effect on him, but today in our conversation was not one of those days. I just don't understand how we got there. In the end I told him to log off and do his work and I think he was a bit narked at me, I told him YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND and he said and doing this doesn't even bother me! Why do I, the single one out of the two of us, feel the guilt! It's not fair.

Anyway, now I am just completely thrown by all that. If anything he should have been annoyed at me after the commotion of last night.

Arrggghhhhhhhhhhh

I made a right ARSE of myself last night. I think the however many drinks I had took their toll and I ended up having it out with Flatmate. What a pain things were going ok until last night and my alcohol started talking.

I think the conversation went a little like this

Gretta: Answer this question honestly

Flatmate: What question?

Gretta: If I wasn't in your life would your life be easier?

Flatmate: no

Flatmate: no plain and simple no.

Gretta: Why do you do that?

Flatmate: Do what?

Gretta: Why don't you just tell me to leave you be?

and then the conversation kind of went on to me feeling like at the moment I'm the one that comes online to talk to him and he doesn't come online to talk to me then it went something like this

Flatmate: Gretta I enjoy talking to you and I'm glad that things aren't the way they used too be.

Gretta: I'm sure you enjoy talking to a lot of people so if I block you it's not like you'll be that bothered.

Flatemate: Look if you want to block me if you feel it will be better for you the fine block me but I don't want you to block me. I haven't been online lately but I've been busy with work and I wont be online in the day tomorrow either because I already know I have a lot of work on and I am going to be working on my laptop with no internet access. It doesn't mean that I don't want to talk to you though.

Gretta: ok well I feel a bit like an idiot now.

I can't believe I just tried to struck up an argument with him, but he wouldn't bite, if he bit I would have blocked him but I was left feeling that I couldn't! I swear I'm going insane.

Why don't I leaRn!

His name is Jerk Boy for a reason?

He just called apparently he's decided precisely what he's gona wear and therefore doesn't need to come round tomorrow! IT WAS HIS IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!! MEN!

Fairly tipsy post!!

So, I've had 5 alcoholic beverages this evening, ok make that 6, alright if I am going to be honest it might be around the 7 or 8 mark but in comparison to what I have drank I actually feel fairly okay!

However, I have lost my trail of thought and I'm not quite sure what to put in this paragraph, and it also took at least 5 attempts to spell the word paragraph but I finally figured it out - CHECK ME walking tipsy brain or what.

That's it for now.

Bossy Gretta.

My boobs are still big and getting heavier I am getting so fed up of having to carry them around they're seriously heavy today!

I keep looking down and being shocked by their size and if I'm doing that I am sure the guys I work with must be doing that too. Thankfully, there is only one guy in the office today and he is married and old so even if he notices it isn't like he's a perve or anything.

Jerk boys coming over mine tomorrow night with several outfits to try on and show me so I can dress him for this interview on Tuesday. I'm quire looking forward to spending the say with Jerk Boy next week! I know... After the past I need to be careful it took about a year to get over him but just haniging in his company like we used to will be so much fun and something that after all this mess with Flatmate I feel like I need. Plus it will get me used to male company ready for my weekend with Player. Iknow that's a crap excuse. However, I like the fact that I've been able to boss him about lately and get away with it.

Anyway I had a brief chat with Flatmate last night ad things are still ok between us. It's still all a little odd and I ditll find myself going through times when I really miss him. I'm sure I'm slowly getting there though.

Ok back to work for me.

Boob issues

I've been having boob issues for the last 2 days.

So, it's that time of the month...

1. When I get constant pain for the first 24 hours and then little pain at all for the next 6 days (yes I seem to have a mighty long period)

2. When I get tearful about everything and nothing and it's ok for me to do so.

3. When I become more agressive and blunt then usual (I actually was stood in the queue to a chocolate stall earlier and when I looked they had hardly any chocolate on sale so I then said really loudly to my friends "THIS IS STUPID I AM GOING TO GO TO A PROPER SHOP WHERE THEY ACTUALLY HAVE THING YOU CAN BUY" then I felt really bad because it's only a little independent stall on the street and usually I'm all for supporting the local businesses)

4. When I am just sensitive, my body is sensitive and so is my mind.

However, this month I've had boob issues. I usually have boob issues, usually they feel heavier and are generally more sensitive then usual! Yet this month they are bigger and I mean like bulging out of my bras bigger. I have big boobs anyway, I don't need them to be bigger. I really hope it's just my period and I've not had some mid twenties growth spert. So, hopefully in 4 or 5 days they will go back down to their normal size because right now they're massive and very very noticable.

Arrrrrgghh.

Inspired.

Socal Sweetie has inspired me to stop moping. So, that's what I am gona do!

Player called me this morning and I am pretty much certainly going to go and spend the weekend with him, not this weekend coming but the following one, so that gives me something to look forward to. My Best girlfriend reckons I should work it with Player and just have some fun, she's getting married soon and I swear she wants me to live a single life for her. I'm not going to do that, player is my friend and I don't want to complicate the matter.

Jerk Boy is suppose to be in work this afternoon. He hasn't been in the office when I have for about 6 months now as he now works different shifts to me but he's text me to say that as he's been working in a city 3 hours away he should have time to pop in the office at some point this afternoon. We both have the day off next week, to go to this interview thing he has. I think he might be popping in to the office to discuss that with me because we've been texting each other about what he should wear and we're torn between 2 outfits dependent on weather.

I spoke to Flatmate briefly this morning, but he was working and had to get back to it. I feel we're drifting a part now. It still saddens me but I'm being positive today. So back to positivity. Anyone for a cup of tea? you know a cup of tea is always the answer.

Where are you?

My head is so messed up at the moment, that's why I've not been daily blogging. I just can't put down in words how I am feeling at the moment. I haven't spoken to Flatmate since Wednesday night. He came round this morning but I wasn't in, he left a note that said "Where are you?" and nothing else!!!

Well, I was out enjoying the sunshine, I don't stay in all day every day in hope he'll turn up altho if I am to be honest, I do know vaguely the times he'll be online and I do try and combine the 2. I know I'm a silly cow.

Anyway, no news on that front haven't seen him spoken to him since Wednesday and if he's going to write notes in future he could at least add a bit more too it.

Numbness

I don't even know what to write. Flatmate and I have had a few deep conversations this week. Last night he basically said he liked me but at the moment we have to be just friends because of Gifty. I wasn't even questioning that. I don't even want to go there with him if he's with her, when i was it was killing me and I don't even understand why he said that to me, sometimes I think he wants to hold on more than I do. I'm not upset, I feel kind of numb tho, it's like he wants me, but he can't end things with Gifty and even if he did end things with Gifty I am not sure how to feel. Nothing makes sense to me. Nothing.

Me and me alone.

I've had quite a long chat with Flatmate this morning. It wasn't my plan too. I found out he was away this weekend with Gifty, so me trying to avoid him all weekend was pointless coz he was away with his girlfriend anyway. I actually think he arranged a weekend with her to avoid me tho so that to me makes it quite funny that we were purposely both making our weekends busy.

The chat was surprising quite good, we just started having fun together, and not naughty fun, but we were playing an online game together, and I made him listen to the same radio station I was listening to as they do this section called "guess the year" and play songs from that year. So we were just playing games and seeing if this whole "friend" thing will work. I feel quite positive about it as it seemed to go well. There was very little flirting and I mean that, there was a situation taht could have turned into flirting and I stopped it. Like I said I feel quite positive.

I just need to make sure I don't get sucked back in. I know what I'm like - I am just going to keep reminding myself that he has a girlfriend and that's that. The more I think about his girlfriend the more I'll get used to this friend thing, before I just tried to ignore he had a girlfriend and then when I started thinking about her it hurt like hell, if I don't stop thinking about her it will keep me aware that I am not the only girl in his life and I need a guy who will have me and me alone. I deserve nothing but the best and Flatmate is clearly not that.

Ups and Downs....

I'd like to say this weekend has been good the whole way through but it really hasn't!!! I watched that film and it had me crying the whole way through. It wasn't really the film that was making me cry either it was the fact I was missing Flatmate. However, after the film I took ice-cream and chocolate brownies round to a friends house and we completely endulged ourselves while watching crap tv and funnily enough I felt a heap better.

Today - I haven't had a down day. I went to the pub for lunch with friends and in the car on the way home I realised that I hadn't thought about Flatmate all morning or until that very point I realised I hadn't thought about him. When I got home I again vegged out in front of the tv and distracted my mind. I am however comfort eating to the max and I fear that next week my diet of cereal for breakfast, an apple for lunch and a small dinner with no snacking in between is going to start and that's going to make me irritable and cranky! Yey for alcohol I am not giving that up and ooohh it effects me more on an empty stomach "BONUS".

Player finally contacted me today - a bit late for my weekend visiting him, we got our diaries out tho and I am going to visit him in 3 weekends time. I can't help but wonder what state I'll be in, in 3 weekends time I am hoping a bit of a better state than lately. At least I shouldn't be too grouchy with him and at least it gives me something to look forward too.

I'm off to the pub (again) now. So catch ya later peeps.

*edit edit* p.s I deleted his number off my phone yesterday. I'll still see him online but there is no way I can text or call him. I thought it would be really tough, but when I did it I was thinking rationably! CRAZY STUFF.

Good medicine

Last night was such a laugh, I didn't think about Flatmate all night. I know I am now but that doesn't count. There were 3 comedian sets and a compare and he was just as funny. So, I pretty muched laughed the night away, you know I think I've heard somewhere that "laughter is similar to medicine" and I felt my hurt disappear last night because I was laughing too much to think about it. So, if you're going through a hard time I recommend going to a comedy night. We didn't stay for the disco because the place seemed to empty out pretty quickly after the comedians however it was still late when I got home. It was such a good night just what I needed.

Now the plan for today..... The sun is shining beautifully which means several things, 1. I probably wont watch this film that I ordered until tonight when it's cooled off a bit and 2. after my domestic responsibilities grrrr they suck, I am going to go into town, maybe do a little retail therapy and sort out some stuff, and if it's still nice this avo I will take a book to the park or something. I feel that this is a good day.

Oh and there were no hotties there last night and I think everyone in the place bar me was smoking my hair stinks this morning so I think it's time to shower.

Have a good weekend you guys xx

Twice in One day

I would like to say you're blessed but really I've been whingy and depressed lately do you're not that blessed at all.

So 10 more minutes left of work and then the weekend! Wahooooo. I am so glad to be busy tonight stop me thinking about what I am usually up to on a Friday night. I am going to make myself all pretty and I am going to have a laugh. I'm not drinking coz I am driving but still I am going to have a laugh PERIOD.

However, that still leaves Saturday and Sunday. I need to fill my weekend.

Frustrated plans

I couldn't hold out any longer, I went online last night and he was online and I chatted to him. He had the nerve to ask me where I'd been and why was I being distant with him. I just said to him usually when we talk it is in no manner that "just friends" talk so if I seem different it is purely because I am not used to this way of talking with you. Anyway, I've done a fair bit of traveling in my time and he asked me last night if I thought I was defined by travel. I don't there is a heck of a lot more too me than that but I was a bit pissed at him asking that. What business is it of his. As you can see talking last night just frustrated me a bit. DICK HEAD.

He then started telling me about some plans he was making and even though he didn't tell me outright he was clearly planning these things iwth Gifty and of course it was gona hurt for the last few months, when I've thought about my future I've thought about it with him so him telling me plans he's been making without me over a 3 day period of not hearing from me is quite hurtful. Anyway, I've had it.

So I am making plans of my own and I don't care if they involve travel - altho they probably wont because I am a bit broke at the moment.

However, I have been in contact with both Batman and Bouncer this week (if you read back earlier posts you might remember these guys) they both don't live in my city, Batman live 2 hours away and Bouncer lives and 2.5 hours away. Batman has said he wants to meet me for a drink next time he's in my city and Bouncer just rang randomly for a 30 minute phone conversation - and during that conversation he made sure I knew he was still single. Which if he didn't live 2 and half hours away i'd actually consider seeing how things went with him - we do get on fairly well.