You know those girls...

Who claim that they get on better with guys then girls.

• I don't get them
• I'm not one of them
• I never will be one of them.

Yep I just don't get it - give me a night in or out with the girls anytime over being stuck with the boys.

Another cause for concern..

CD and I haven't slept together for what is getting on to 2 weeks.

He's been busy, I've been busy, we had the weekend away in which I was in a tent and he was outside with the boys. However, it's more than that....

Last night I went over to his, I'd done my make-up all nice, he'd cooked a lovely sausage caserole, we cuddled up in front of a film. I couldn't sleep over coz I'd promised my mum a lift to work and he was tired so I left fairly early.

Now I've come on my period so it's gona be another 6 days before I feel like getting up to stuff.

Am I over reacting. I've not spoken to him about it coz I've just excepted that we've been busy, and there's always been other people around, and in fact last night was the first night in about a week and a half when it's been just the 2 of us. I just don't know what he's thinking about it all and I don't really want to ask if I am just over reacting.

If you're a guy can you answer this - would he be concerned about the lack of physical activitiy would he to be putting it down to busyness?

Haunted!

I feel safer now. I believe that JerkBoy is no longer going to google certain things he thinks is in this blog. In fact I think he would have forgotten by now that I ever mentioned having it. So my privacy password protected blog is no longer.... For now!

Speaking of JerkBoy, yesterday night at the pub this happened...

Gretta: Who are you texting?

JerkBoy: Lulu a girl I went travelling with, and when you called me the other night I was with her and she said to me is that Gretta? I was shocked but then I guess I did chat about you quite a bit while I was away, coz when I left backpack at one point I was like "uhoh Gretta is going to kill me" thankfully someone noticed and allowed me to drive back 2 hours for it.

Gretta: Jerk Boy... She doesn't remember me because you lost the backpack, she remembers me because of THIS INCIDENT

Jerk Boy: Oh yeah I completely forgot about that...

Gretta: Your friends are always going to remember me as the girl with the discharge aren't they?

Jerk Boy: yeah.. Probably!

Honesty the best policy

So last night CD and I chatted it all out.

He told me that he didn't want me to change who I was for him, and that he wants me to be myself. He said that he can't see any reason why we shouldn't be together and that a relationship is about compromise and maybe he needs to do a bit more of that.

I still feel a little weary about it all but I think it's because I'm getting in deeper and afraid of getting hurt and I want to give CD what he wants and needs nad if I can't give him those things I upset myself.

Anyway, we'll get there I'm sure.

Is this the end!!!

I knew this wild camping weekend would either be the making or the breaking of us.

I feel like it’s the latter, not that I know that for sure of course because when I tried to explain to CD my issues, he seemed blissfully unaware that there was a problem.

So, in the car on the way home we had this conversation.

CD: Gretta you’ve been miserable most of the weekend, did you enjoy any of it?

Gretta: I enjoyed the canoeing, I know you think I didn’t but I did. However, I didn’t enjoy the camping. I don’t enjoy conventional camping when I have toilet facilities and a big tent, so how on earth was I ever going to enjoy a one man tent, with just me in it, in a field of cows while having to pee in a bush. It’s just not something I enjoy. Yet that’s not the only reason I was miserable. I could see the way you were looking at me, the expectations you had, you wanted so badly for me to love it, to enjoy every moment, to want to do it for me and not for you.

The pressure of your expectations also gave me a lot to think about while canoeing because I knew I couldn’t meet them, I didn’t enjoy camping and I know you will always want to go trekking through wild places doing wild things, wild camping but I’m not sure I’ll ever be that type of girl. You keep mentioning the future and I’m not sure I can be what you need or what you want. I think you need to think about things there's no point getting deeper involved if a few months down the line we end up having a conversation about how I don't enjoy camping.

CD: I want to see the beauty of those things and yes I want to do it with my wife, and camping is a cheap alternative, we can’t stay in youth hostels or hotels all the time, we'll never get to go away and in wild places you do that for the beauty, I don't enjoy not being able to have a shower but it's a sacrifice you make to see the natural beauty that is in this world.

Gretta: I don’t think you’re understanding what I’m saying. I’m saying you need to seriously have a think if I’m the type of girl you want, because if I’m not then we need to think about now before we end up getting really hurt.

CD: I’m frazzled, too tired to think about this now so I’m gona drop you off and go home.

Gretta: ok. (not really knowing what he’s thinking after what I said).

Later that night I get this text

“Thank you for spending the weekend with me, sleep well, CD xx”

That was yesterday. I haven't replied to that text and I've not heard from him since.

I still don’t know what he’s thinking I’ve decided just to give him some space, I’m not even sure if he understood what I was trying to say.

Ultimately I don’t want to end things with him, but nor do I believe I can be the girl that he wants me to be. I thought after all of my backpacking in the past if anyone can do the whole roughing it thing, then it would be me. Yet I really did struggle, I was cranky, miserable and it was noticable to all of the lads I was awat with. I need to feel clean, I need to shower, I know it might sound ridiculous, but I actually don't need a lot, but I need to feel clean and need to have a good night's sleep (without being disturbed by cows grazing outside of my tent at 4.30am) otherwise I get grumpy and that’s not going to be fun for him or me!

So who knows, I hope we can work through it, I’m just not convinced that I am right for him, not if I can’t do the whole wild camping thing that he enjoys so much. He needs to find someone he can share that with and I’m just don’t think that someone is me!

Work

Yesterday, I managed to break the photocopier. Usually I am proud of the certificate above the photocopier that says..

"Only Gretta is allowed to change the toner as toner is toxic"

"If a paperjam occurs see Gretta"

"Any issue with the photocopier, see Gretta, she'll fix it"

I clearly missed my calling in life, when it comes to our work photocopier I have always had the knack. I've always been able to fix it without having to call out the engineer.

That was until yesterday.

Yesterday I was photocopying our company magazine that I edit, and a piece of paper got jammed. "No problem" I thought to myself because I've dealt with numerous paperjams in the past.

Then, it happened, the paper was definitely jammed I had a ripped piece of paper in my hand with half the paper missing, but I opened every possible compartment yet still... NO PAPER.

So I tried to make the copier work anyway, but it wouldn't suck up the paper, of course it wouldn't there was a jam but where the heck was this jam. So, rather than call the engineer I still believed that I could sort this jam, I started attacking the photocopier, taking paper drawers completely out fiddling with rollers, and parts and that's when it happened a part of the photocopier came off in my hand and there was no way I could see where the part came from or how to put it back on.

I've since admitted defeat and rang the photocopier engineer, our magazine needs to be out on Monday!!!!

Anyway, now I'm stuck I need to go and pick stuff up from the shops but, I have to wait for the engineer, the boss is on holiday and there is a big project going down so colleagues don't have time. I'm half tempted to call up Jerk Boy on his day off and get him to run some errands for me.

The moral of this story is....

Photocopier pride, comes before a photocopier breakage! Nuff said.

The weirdest MSN conversation yet.

Gretta: I just heard a colleague say it's 20 inches and 17 centimeters on the phone. I laughed, then I blushed and then I'd said I hope a man says that to me down the phone at some point.

JerkBoy: WOW.... Really... Sounds painful! And don't tell Climber Dude he may get a complex

Gretta: Ahh but who's to say his is not 20 inches!!!

JerkBoy: I say. Because if it were he'd be...... "Tripod Man"

News...

I haven't blogged for ages.

Currently haven't set up my router at the folks house so haven't been able to get online on an evening, and as I had some time off to move, getting back to work meant I was snowed under.

Anyhow, went on facebook this morning to find a big message on my home page.

"Flatmate went from being in a relationship to engaged"

It wasn't a shock but I certainly noticed and then had to go and check out his page, nothing had really changed that much on it, some people had left messages congratulating him and Gifty. They must have been together for about 4 years now so good on them. I just hope he's happy. The fact that I haven't heard from him or seen him for months and he hasn't randomly turned up on my doorstep since I dunno must have been about February time. I guess he's worked his relationship out and is happy. And as long as he's happy. I'm happy for him. That's all I ever wanted.

Anyway, I'm going on a wild camping and canoe weekend with CD this weekend, and the weather has been great here these last few days so if it can stay like this until the weekend, I am going to have a fantastic time.

Oh and it's a hassle being back home with the folks. Annoying to say the least.

Gretta x

Yes Man....

I love reading. Admittedly what I read the most of is usually shit. I confess that I am a reader of utter shit. I like crap romantic fiction, I like to escape into a little bit of soppy erotica and I have no shame in doing so. However, I also like to read some other stuff that some people regard as shit and some don't..

For instance anyone remember when "The Curious Incident of the dog in the night-time" was a huge best seller. I do, I read that book in 24 hours on my flight to Australia. Couldn't put the book frigging down.

How I love "Neither here nor there" by Bill Bryson and in fact I enjoy most Bill Bryson books.. Period. He makes me laugh.

I do tend to go with the fads though, if there is a book every man and his dog is reading, then I to want to join in. You rememember men are from mars women are from venus? Course you do haven't we all read it because of it's hugity - is hugity a word? Who cares I like the sound.

So, when I read a review about a book called "Yes Man" and his writing style was compared to Bill Bryson's I ordered it.

However, I hadn't prepared myself for something that may result from reading this book.

I don't want to give the whole plot away, just in case anyone wants to read the book (which by the way has caused me to laugh out loud on several occasion). Yet this book does one simple thing, it encourages you to say yes more to make your life more... I want to say exciting but the right work is probably eventful!

I was reading a chapter of this book, wasn't feeling particularly inspired, but in mid chapter my phone rings *que tacky Sony Ericcson tune*

CD: Hey Babe

Gretta: Hey

CD: So, I'm taking a guy from work and his 2 boys (age 11 and age 12) wild camping. You want to come?

Gretta: Is it just a boys weekend?

CD: Well, not if you come, you gona come?

Gretta: Yes

What the crap did I just agree too. I hate camping!

Gretta: What is wild camping?

CD: Well, we sleep under the stars and we do some bush craft, we'll do a little canoeing.

Gretta: In the UK??????

This sounded ludicrous to me, ok sleep under the stars in the South of France, in West Virginia, in Australia, in anywhere frigging hot. But the UK??????

CD: Yeah, but I've already figured you wont want to do that so I'm going to take a tent for you. But there are no toilet facilities, or showers, but we can boil up some river water for washing in.

OH MY FRIGGING GOD. WHAT THE CRAP HAVE I AGREED TO.

Gretta: Right

CD: I'll email you a kitlist later - see you tomorrow.

And here is the email with that kitlist

"the wild weekend will consist of open canoeing down the river a distance of 19.5 miles over two days with a night camping at farm. Two canadian style open boats will be used, we will keep all our gear dry in big water tight barrels, we will camp out around a camp fire and perhaps have a splash of single malt.

Kit List

sleeping bag and mat bivy bag/ground sheet and tarp or tent
clothing appropriate to weather conditions
water bottle and lunch for sat and sunday
we'll buy stuff to cook on fire or stove for sat night
sun cream/mosquito repellent
old trainers and clothes to wear on river,
dry clothes and dry shoes to change into for night.
tooth brush and paste
soap
survival equipment i.e. knife
matches
firelighters
head torch
loo paper
old anorak and waterfproof trousers to wear on river and if windy and rainy
marshmallows
aged single malt
guitar
cheerfulsinging voices

have this stuff in bags to pack into barrels clean clothes to change when back to car "

SINCE WHEN WAS "A LITTLE CANOEING" 19.5 MILES????

There was I thinking a nice little paddle down a river and there is he thinking 19.5 miles!

So this saying yes more thing, I'll let you know how enjoyable it is on Monday 28th July after my "WILD WEEKEND".

The plus side is he's given me a week to prepare. I don't even own half the stuff on the kitlist!

Does everyone know something I don't?

About 10 minutes ago the boss made a slip of the tongue and in conversation referred to Climber Dude as my husband!!!!

The Brazilian Dude assumes there is going to be a wedding, subsequently Climber Dude and my wedding

And to top it off

Climber Dude keeps bringing up marriage in conversation...

Anyway, I've decided, I'm the one with the issue. I think. I'm just not the most marriage minded of folk, I have a lack of trust (I blame the ex for that but really I should have dealt with it sooner). So, I will discuss marriage, but I wont commit to it and we'll see where the discussions take us. But that's it. It's as if I'm saying I'll be more open to the idea. Yes that's it. I'm more open to the idea.

commitment fears!

I took a half day yesterday and took CD for his first skate yesterday before he had to go for a night shift. He was good, he only fell over once, we then went back to mine and I made some fajitas actually I should say we made fajitas. I can't believe I'm gona be moving out of my little place on Friday. I was getting all a bit sentimental about it last night.

CD again mentioned marriage yesterday, I keep trying to deflect it whenever he brings it up. It was once again curtesy of his Brizilian friend. Apparently he's off to Brazil for a few months and rang CD to say goodbye but said "If you do get married while I'm away I'll be sure to try and come back for the wedding"

What is it with this dude and marriage, is it a Brazilian thing, do they just get married or is it just that he saw something in me and CD. Anyway, he keeps putting ideas in CDs head I swear he does and I know at some point if he continues to bring it up we're gona have to discuss it. I know CD is marriage minded, he kind of reminds me a bit of Scotty and that's a compliment Scotty coz I'm dating the guy, but he's stable, commited, he comes from a Christian principled family, so his folks expect marriage, he expects marriage, but me, marriage freaks me out. Which it shouldn't because my parents have been very successful at it.

It is too soon thought right isn't it?

Crazy Dayz...

I logged on this morning, and who was online.... FLATMATE! I was in shock I've not heard, spoken even seen him online since End of April/Beginning of May. Anyway as soon as I logged on he logged off. Excellent don't have to make friendly msn chat with him. Although I am curious about how things with him and Gifty are going and I'd love to fill him in about my wonderful boyfrined and be like - ha!!!



However, it was probably the wisest decision of his coz I had one heck of a weak spot when it came to him. He could undress me with his eyes and I'd undress with his eyes for him.



So, Jerk Boy came round today and helped me box some stuff up and after 2 boxes got bored and managed to talk me into going for lunch with him and some of his mates - all guys.... So we went for food we left my place at 12.45 and I get back at 16.30 so packing didn't really take off.



CD has text me saying he up a mountain somewhere. I miss him, I want him to come back to me! Ahhh well he'll be back on Monday. I still have lots of packing to do but I really can't be arsed. So I have Thursday and Friday off next week and I move on Friday.



Oh I painted my finger nails bright red, they're bright.



Gretta x

Things that I'm NOT digging at the moment...Classic Gretta Rant!

Moving back in with my parents!

The rent has gone up on my place and it's just not worth the money. Even I look at it and think this place is tiny and it's not worth it. I don't know how long I'll be with the folks for. The plus is that I don't plan on being there that much as I'll just stay at Climber Dude's place. It seems a bit odd to be moving back in with the olds after just over 2 years of not living with the olds, but there we go.

The builder at work that has overtaken my office

he keeps asking me to inspect his work. Like I give a fuck!

My period

It's painful, it's annoying, and I don't enjoy being touched that much by Climber Dude when I'm on my period and the poor guy doesn't know how to handle my hormones.

Climber Dude going away

He's going away until Monday climbing mountains with the lads, and I could have really done with his help putting my stuff into boxes, and he wanted me to go with him and if it wasn't for moving I would have but then well it would have been me and a group of mountain climbers and I would have slowed them down so I don't really know why he wanted me there so much, I just am hormonal and I'll miss him.

People tutting when I eat chocolate

Ok so I baked some chocolate brownies on Tuesday and had them with CD and his friends (which by the way went oh so much better - I was myself woohoo) then Wednesday I bought a chocolate cake to have with lunch and today I had a chocolate bar in my lunch and the bloody builder was like "tut tut more chocolate" is my eating habits any of your fucking business annoying builder?? No, they're not and I'm on my period, pissing me off not a wise idea.

BLOODY HELL. I'M MOVING BACK IN WITH MY PARENTS!!!

What a nightmare!

I was sprawled out across the bed, waiting, I was wearing my little pink satin chemise, I’d not been long out of a hot bubbly bath and I was ready. The light off, I waited patiently.

I waited...

I waited...

I fell asleep.

When I woke up he was next to me I started to kiss him, he started kissing me back, but something was different about his kiss, it seemed passionless, it seemed empty! Something I knew wasn’t right. Then..

The light went on and I heard a hurt voice say, “Gretta” The voice came from the doorway, the voice was Climber Dude’s voice, a voice that sounded so hurt it stopped my heart So, if CD is stood at the door who the heck am I kissing? Climber Dude walked away and I jumped out of bed, chasing him, trying to explain the best way I could why there was some random in the bed with me, when I myself didn’t even know.

Then I really did wake up. I haven’t been able to shake off this dream all morning. Like what the heck does that mean?!

A ruined Saturday!!!

• 8.10am text from Jerk boy "Hey Gretta, I've just landed by the time I get back it'll be getting on for 2pm and I'll have nothing to do - you up for a post travel catch up?" - First off. 8.10am on a Saturday, I WAS ASLEEP. CD was also asleep and CD stayed asleep while I was then led in bed awake. CD woke up at about 9.30 and then I replied to Jerk boy saying "I'm going out for lunch with CD, but then he has archery so 2pm should be fine to catch up.

• Morning plan was to get up and go for a skate with CD as we were thinking the rollerblades he had ordered would arrive in the morning post - The blades didn't arrive but nor could I go for a skate on my own, even though I am in desperate need of exercise because Britain being Britain, meant the heavens decided to open over us.

• CD and I went for lunch - However, conveniently CD had no money in his wallet and it was a very simple cafe we went to which didn't take switch, so once again it was me paying for CDs lunch. I tell you what I'm getting more skint by the day.

• While at lunch I get a text from Jerk Boy "Hey Gretta, I'm back but I've gone out for lunch, and also, my car tax ran out while I was away so I don't want to drive it so can you come over mine when I text you to let you know I'm home" - I reply saying sure let me know when you're back and I'll drive over. CD goes off for Archery and I head back to my place.

• I've been home for about an hour now and 3.00pm comes and I still haven't heard from Jerk Boy so I text him "Have you finished lunch yet? Should I come over?" - He replies saying "No! I've decided to catch up with an old uni friend instead, I'll let you know when I'm free". It's now 5pm and I still haven't heard from him.

So, my Saturday has been kind of ruined, I was looking forward to a skate and that didn't happen, I was looking forward to catching up with Jerk Boy and that didn't happen, now I've got a girly night arranged tonight and I'll be darned if anything gets in the way of that. My day may be ruined but I can tell you now my night will be fabulous. I just wish this rain would stop. It's suppose to be summer and I'm cold, miserable, excersizeless and stuck indoors... BLAH!

DO NOT DISTURB!

I am so looking forward to tonight it is unbelievable. Tonight myself and CD get a night alone together.

This week has been crazy, I've had work meetings, he's had shifts and to top it off we've been seeing friends.

Last night we had arranged to meet up with Mr T (from previous post). So after work CD came to mine I cooked him a curry and then just as we were getting intimate it was time to go and meet Mr T. I couldn't believe it.

So anyway, tonight I'm going over his place, he's cooking for me, and we are not going to be disturbed.

What to do?

When I was with The X I became friends with one of a his best friends, and Jerk Boy who was my friend was also a friend of The X and his friend. A guy we will call Mr T. Mr T and I got on really well, he made me laugh a lot and he was techi geek and introduced me to blogging about 6 years or so ago. I stayed in touch with Mr T even though I wasn't with The X and 2 years ago he got married. The only problem was that Mr T got married to a girl who I wasn't too keen on. We'll call her Mrs T. Anyway, Mrs T was needy, clingy and to me had a few issues. I've come to accept that everyone has issues so that kind of doesn't matter but the needy and clingy thing used to drive me nuts.

Anyway, I've never once in my life fancied Mr T, although once at a rather drunken new years eve party I apprently threw myself at him. Anyway, Mr T has some issues to. Anger issues.

When he first started dating Mrs T, he asked me what I thought of her and him together and I told him straight, I think you are clingly and public displays of affection to that extent can make the people your with feel uncomfortable. Oh my gosh Mr T blew his top big time. Leaving me in tears. Seriously I was crying my heart out. I gave an honest opinion, that everyone was thinking and I get a grilling.

However, there's something else you should know about Mrs T. You see she prides herself on being of those 'i'm a girl who gets on better with boys' type girls. If you get on better with boys fine, but as soon as a girl hears that from another girl, what she hears is 'I don't want to bother with you because you're a girl and I get on better with boys'. So I believe as a result Mrs T had no close girl friends. So, when Mr T asked me to be bridesmaid at his wedding (that was 2 years ago) I was shocked. As a friend of Mr T I agreed. Through being bridesmaid myslef and Mrs T became closer and closer and over hte last 2 years became friends. I wouldn't say good friends, but friends all the same.

So when 3 months ago Mrs T told me she regrets marrying Mr T two years ago and in fact likes Jerk Boy and has done the whole time she's been married I was shocked. Jerk Boy had received some rather bizarre text messages from Mrs T also implying that she had feeling for him, which freaked Jerk Boy out to the point he rang me and asked what the hell was going on. I told him I believed it was a phase and that she's lonely in her marriage, because Mr T is working crazy hours. Jerk Boy stopped talking to both Mr T and Mrs T to give them some space for a while but he found it increasingly difficult with the fact that Mr T is a good mate of his.

The one good thing I had in mind was that Mrs T has just got a new job and her training is based in Thailand for 5 weeks. Now that's not necessarily a good thing for her marriage, but being out of the picture, not having Jerk Boy around (he's travelling anyway) and maybe being away from Mr T will make the heart grow stronger. I was feeling more confident that upon return she'll want to get home and sort out her marriage.

I couldn't believe that she'd put me in a situation, telling me she has feelings for another man, when she knows I'm good friends with her husband - Ludicrous! However, I also felt that maybe she'd made herself accountable to me so I could pull her into line if I saw her flirting with Jerk Boy when out and about.

Anyway, here is me thinking all will be fine upon return when I get a text from Mrs T from Thailand.

"Hi Gretta. Australian's ROCK MY WORLD!!! LOL"

She'd told me before hand that in the team going there was an Australian, she knows all about Teddy (My Australian) and therefore knows that I (before CD) had a very big soft spot for Aussies. So first off I just think she's just playing me up because I had a thing for Australians. However, on second thought I worry that the Australian has become her new Jerk Boy, and she zillions of miles from home, without her husband, without me and has no one to be accountable too!

I worry. I worry for Mr T, I worry for Mrs T, I worry for Jerk Boy getting dragged into something out of his control, I worry for The Australian and I worry for me. I don't know what to do with this information. I haven't even shared it with CD because I don't think it wise too many people knowing. I was hoping it was a phase but now I fear, she's just gona play around on Mr T and not sort out her married.

I WORRY!

Girly Curry

Can't wait - going out Saturday night for a curry with the girls.... I so need some girl time. Don't get me wrong CD is great but sometimes you just miss chatting about shoes, make-up, the latest hollywood breakup or get together, the taste of appletini and the best shampoo to used on coloured hair.

I know you get me!