mixed!

New Guy is a moron. He's sending out mixed signals like you wouldn't believe.

He didn't really want Jerkboy to come to Barcelona because he doesn't know him very well and now he's gona and invited a girl along who I've never met.

He doesn't make sense. Now I want Jerkboy to come.

A confusing weekend

On Friday night Jerkboy offered me sex. Just sex. Nothing else.

Clearly, I declined. It would absolutely ruin the friendship we have. The thought of snogging Jerkboy actually makes me giggle. It's kind of cringeworthy in the I look at you as my younger brother now type way. Why he couldn't have offered me sex when I had a crush on him is beyond me and why he offers it when sex is lacking and I'm soooo tempted to say yes is beyond me too!!! It's kind of cruel.

Anyhow, the next day he gets into a relationship with someone. Jerkboy went from offering me sex to in a relationship. Since I've known Jerkboy he's never been in a relationship. He knew it was coming, he'd met a girl and he really liked her, she really liked him and woot woot they're both single which makes a big change when it comes to Jerkboy and his exploits. Only problem is it's long distance so I don't see it lasting but the fact not only has he committed to being in a relationship but a long distance relationship really means he likes the girl A HECK OF A LOT!!!!

The thing is was he asking for sex because it was his last opportunity before settling down? Was he asking just because he knew I was lacking it and needed some before settling down. It doesn't matter anyway, I didn't accept.

Now for New Guy, New Guy doesn't like JerkBoy says JerkBoy has given him the impression he doesn't like him. At first I thought this was ridiculous, so I speak to JerkBoy about it, "oh he says, I may have given him that impression, it's just you're my girl and I'm protective of you. I think he's crazy for not going for it with you and I guess maybe I've given him that impression out of protecting you". Great, is this gona be the case with every guy I get close to? JerkBoy gets the shits and starts acting up around them.

Anyway, New Guy. It's odd actions still not backing up his words. He still texts all the time, I think he 'could' be attempted to back away but isn't really succeeding and nor am I to be honest. We seem to have managed to accidentally organise a trip away with another couple as well so it's now like 2 couples going away. It was suppose to be 6 of us going - 1 couple and 4 singles not weird in the slightest until 2 of the singles dropped out leaving it 1 couple nad me and New Guy. I'm still going to go, I've wanted to do a city break to Barcelona for ages. So, yeah in September (which is ages away really) a little foursome is going!!!!

Has this weekend been confusing - just a little. Can't believe Jerkboy is officially taken, even though I have a funny feeling I'll have a very sad younger brother on my hands within 3 months, he'll fall deep, he'll fall hard and then the distance potentially could tear them apart, however, if the distance doesn't it could be serious and I could be losing my Jerkboy forever. That's kind of scary!

bubbly.

I had an exam today. I think it went ok and hopefully should have passed.

New Guy bought me a bottle of bubbly and came round to celebrate the end of exams. I feel like I've drunk a little too much bubbly now though.

Before tonight he had backed off a lot the contact had dropped dramatically now only once or twice a day and it definitely feels more like what he said now that we're leaning towards friendship.

We're probably going to go to Barcelona for a few days together though, but other than that definitely leaning towards friendship.

I've had too much bubbly. Time for bed I think.

Playing games.

So New Guy is still contacting me everyday, several times a day without fail. He even invited me over Tuesday night for home-made pizza and wine. I turned down the offer because I was mid dying my hair and planning on a slouchy night in my pjs.

It's a shocker though - for someone who sees us as leaning more towards friends than anything else he is certainly contacting me an awful lot.

What I don't think he realises is that I know how to play the game and if he really is playing me what he doesn't realise is he could potentially get played.

I hate games but that doesn't mean I wont play them when necessary.

Shockingly crap!

New Guy is still texting me loads although he doesn't want to lead me on. I don't get it really. He was out clubbing last night and I was getting drunken texts from him until after midnight.

Men - His actions tell me he's definitely into me - so why do men find it so hard to commit? It's shockingly crap!

He might be waiting for better but I'm a pretty good catch even if I say so myself.

Flipping Heck

Just bumped into CD.

He's back to attend a wedding and I'm out for a walk and bump into him. Had to make 3 minutes of awkward conversation. Felt like a right twat.

Anyway, haven't spoken to New Guy now. I'm getting used to cutting people out of my life it would seem.

Feel like shit right now. I certainly wasn't expecting to see CD today. It came as a bit of a shock.

Not how I'd planned

It all went to pot.

New Guy wanted to talk about feelings and he ended up telling me he felt we were leaning more towards friendship and nothing more than that. He said he really likes me, enjoys spending time with me, looks forward to my replies to his texts and emails but only thinks we're leaning towards friendship.

Wow, he texts, emails and invites me out a silly amount and he's just not that into me!!!!!

I didn't see that one coming, I knew we were at risk of hitting the friendzone but I hadn't realised we'd already hit it.

So, I said to him now my time to be honest. I wouldn't spend this much time with someone that I'm not hoping it might progress with - apart from Jerkboy who's my male best friend but I don't want another Jerkboy. I told him that we could still be friends but the alone time would have to stop. He wasn't particularly happy with the alone time having to stop but agreed.

Then we continued to have drinks and had a very funny night. He was telling me about him and his sister when they were kids they played an alternative guess who. Remember the game guess who? Well he was like we'd play it by asking different questions like "is yours someone who would consider a same sex snog" or "would your person collect stamps for fun". I found myself laughing along and having just a really enjoyable rest of our evening.

On the way home in the car he says "I have a confession to make - I've looked through all of your facebook profile pics and think you look pretty in this one and this one and this one" he described all the pics. Then as I pulled up outside his door he said "lets do this again some time".

I looked at him confused - "haven't we just agreed that we're not going to spend alone time together" - my hand was on the gear stick ready to drive off. He put his hand on my hand and then looked at me "Gretta I really really like you, and really enjoy spending time with you, we've had a great evening tonight regardless of the conversation but I don't want to lead you on and I want to do the right thing". My response was "in that case, you need to back off".

With that he got out of my car.

Here I am sat at work after a text conversation with him. The last thing I said to him was back off, but he sends me a text asking if I'd looked at the photos he was talking about on facebook to see which ones they were. To which I replied saying "I know which ones they were".

Then he sent me another text asking how my day was going and trying to play guess who by text, before I'd even replied he'd sent me another text and another text. He'd sent me 3 texts before I'd even replied - his texts were things like "do you think Bill would have a same sex relationship" "which guess who characters would collect garden gnomes"

In the end I sent him this

"New Guy I really appreciated your honesty yesterday and I do want to be friends, I know you're having a bit of fun with the guess who thing and it is funny. We are friends but you need to back off isn't that what we decided last night"

His reply:

"No worries -sorry, I had just hoped a bit of light-hearted banter would make things a little less awkward. Sorry for being insensitive. Most probably see you at the pub Sunday night."

I'm actually ok with it all. I'd rather know now then weeks down the line when I'm in too deep. Which I'm at risk of being because he was contacting me daily. All the books you read tell you if a guy texts, emails, calls, asks you out then he's in to you, he's interested fact, but his words were telling me one thing and his actions another. I've decided to believe his words. I know actions speak louder than words but at the moment all I can hear are the words and they tell me he just sees us as friends.

2 people trying to do the right thing.

So, off out for drinkies with New Guy tonight. Looking forward to it, not convinced he can be any sweeter sometimes - wondering if that should give me cause for concern.

We've established what we are. He summed it up all quite nicely. What we are is currently just friends with the intention of possibly being more than that in the future. He summed it up by saying we're two people trying to right by each other and ourselves but we've both been hurt and as a result are scared of the possible consequences.

I'm thinking him more so than me but I like what he means by that, I'm enjoying the getting to know each other stage, I like that there is no pressure at all. The one thing I fear is if it goes on too long we will end up in friendzone, but maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing either.

So, drinks tonight and then who knows :)

Tough Love

From Bestfriend.

Tonight I will be having a fairly serious conversation with New Guy. Part of me doesn't want to, part of me wants to keep the "getting to know" each other stage fun with no pressure. However, Bestfriend is worried for me and I think she's right to be.

Bestfriend told me that I know you're having fun with him and he's been very sweet to you but all you've done with him so far is walk up hills. And you lost your identity a bit with CD becasue you always did what he wanted to do and yes you may occasionally want to do some walking but Gretta it's not what you do every weekend. We're at risk of losing you again and we don't want that.

I figured she's right, although I've not said to New Guy I'd be willing to do walking every weekend he's made it very clear him and his ex used to do it every weekend and you know maybe I want to do some other things like cinema, eating out, having other kinds of fun. He's not as extreme as CD and he's definitely more open. He's even written a funny poem about our time together on Monday.

But if he's thinking I'm going to become his every weekend exploring buddy I could end up in a relationship that I'm not so happy in. I lost myself when I was with CD and although I do want to impress New Guy I don't want to lose who I am in doing so.

I hope that by being open and honest with him about things it doesn't put him off. I'm enjoying getting to know him, I think he's being very sweet to me and I do want things to progress but I don't want to find out half way into it that because I was too scared to lose him that I somehow lost myself.

I think Bestfriend was right to pull me up on it. I don't want another relationship like the one I was in, I want fun and not serious but I'm most fun when I'm honest to who I am. I don't feel I've lied to him I just feel that he may have the wrong impression. So, tonight I'm going to be honest.

1. I'm enjoying getting to know him.
2. I do want things to progress but slowly.
3. I do like walking just not every weekend as I like doing other things too.

I don't want to sabbotage anything before it's started but nor do I want my feelings to get stronger and then end up sabboraging it then.

Another walk to remember...

Went out for the day with New Guy yesterday and it was just a really nice day. I struggled up a hill it seems my fitness is somewhat lacking since the CD days. In fact lacking a lot. However, managed to get to the top to see some fab views.Then after we were driving back and saw a lake that we thought was worth investigating. The pictures make it look better than it was but in all honesty it was very swamp-like.After our day out I went back to his and he cooked delicious meatballs and pasta for me. He wouldn't let me do a thing. Then we chatted to his flatmate and his flatmate's girlfriend for a bit and settled in for a game.

During the day he definitely said some funny things, I think he assumes at some point we're just going to turn into a couple this is one conversation we had -

Gretta: I don't like red wine, I'm more of a white or Rose girl.

New Guy: *jokingly* Well, that might have to change I would class not liking red wine a dumpable offense.

Later on in the evening...

New Guy: Do you want to see the pics of Peru, the trip I was telling you about earlier.

Gretta: Yeah ok sounds good.

New Guy: Oh the ex is in them are you sure you want to see them.

Gretta: Yeah it's fine.

It wasn't fine really, the ex is stunnging, intelligent, fit (bet she wouldn't have struggled like me) and did I mention stunning. I felt completely inadequate. I shouldn't have looked at those pics.

We hugged goodbye and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. We've organised a day out to visit some waterfalls that I really want to see. Although we've both got some busy weekends planned so haven't booked the date but we're both up for it.

I like him, he's lovely, I'm just still concerned about the ex. She just seems way out of his league and I'm not convinced I can match that. Maybe I'm more in his league. He's a nice guy I can tell from how he is with me, but is it enough and am I enough? I guess time will tell.