Something in the air causing me to smile!

When I realised we had a 3.5hour journey plenty of chatting time and music listening time with no escape for my CD I smiled. Our busy lives means that quality time comes in many different ways and journeying is one of them.

As we journeyed I saw the trees arching over the road, they looked so enchanted almost magical, I was loving every second of it.

When we finally arrived we set up camp next to my boss' caravan, after setting up we could all sit down together with a glass of wine and have a chatter. It's a bit bizarre meeting up with the boss and his family for a long weekend, gatecrashing his holiday, but they're really lovely people.

The night was clear enough to sit outside watching the stars, with the smell of whiskey surrounding me. CD drinks whiskey but I don't, but the warming musty smells will always remind me of him.

The next day the sun shined for long enough to sit on the beach, go for a short coastal walk, and for me to read a few chapters of my book. Total, utter bliss.

The following day it was time for me to do some body boarding and it was a perfect time for it too because while in the see it chucked it down with rain, what better place to be than in the sea already wet when it was raining, with CD in his figure hugging wetsuit surfing and looking uber cool on the waves.

When I got back to the campsite I went to have a shower and I saw wee go down the drain in the shower, my first though was of disgust, then realised if you can't beat them you should join them.
I did join them in my next shower.

That night we watched the film Marley and me in the boss' caravan with his 2 kids. The film reminded me of my dog that I grew up with it was kind of cute in the most childish of ways.

As I heard the rain pitter pattering on the top of my tent I smiled as I was snuggled up warm next to my CD.

I also smiled when I got to look at CD asleep next to me to find his eyes opening and giving me an acknowledging smile as we led curled up in each other.

I also looked forward to the journey home, leaving the boss and family to enjoy the next few weeks of their holiday and for me to get back and slog away in pie charts and statistics at work. I smiled as CD ordered me an orange squash in the country pub on the way home. Sometimes I just look at him and smile, knowing that he's a pretty darn good catch and somehow I caught him.

No Regrets.

Reading Lil's blogs lately have been reminding me soooo much of the past. Reminding me of Flatmate and the old days..

You know even through everyone on this blog telling me to back away from a taken guy, telling me I deserve better, telling me I shouldn't have been doing what I was doing. Even though their advice was right. I still don't regret it for a single second.

Don't get me wrong I love CD, he's secure, safe, faithful, loving sensitive, all the things you want in a long term boyfriend.

But

Flatmate was scary, emotional, thrilling, never knowing what was next, mysterious, lust filled and I loved every second of the excitement even if I wasn't so keen on the emotions.

Would I do it again now, I don't think so, but I don't look back with regrets I look back and think that guy was the crazy guy that I could have never have had a long term relationship, he was the guy that was "just for fun".

He wasn't with me all the time so he never saw my flaws, my strops, my tears, my illness but he also missed out on some of my smiles, my laughters, my love and you know what I've got CD who loves me just the way I am, I'm sure he'd rather I didn't strop and I'm sure he wishes that I didn't get the once a month hormones where I get far more argumentative than normal, but with those things he takes me.

I'm not convinced Flatmate would have taken me, he like fun loving Gretta, naughty Gretta, always up for it Gretta.

When I read back about Flatmate I remember the hurt, the pain, the feelings of rejection when he was with Gifty and not me, I remember. I remember the sex, the fun, the free living, the dangerousness, the excitement, I remember, I remember but not for one second do I regret. Not for one second.