A year ago today

Was the last time me and Jerk Boy spent any time alone together, I mean arranged, proper, alone time. I can hardly believe that it's been a whole year and even now he still manages to have a bit of a hold on me.

This day last year we were both off work so he came over and we watched movies pretty much all day. I remember it was raining like today because the pizza place was only doing pick up pizza, so we had to jump in my car and get the pizza. Shania Twain was in my cd player don't ask me why but it was and I remember Jerk boy saying

"Gretta, I hate county music but Shania Twain is the one country singer I can listen to I am impressed"

I remember being so silly smitten by that comment. We then went back to mine and ate pizza while watching more movies and friends I think. Then he stayed and we ate Turkey curry for supper later. Chicken Run was showing on TV so we watched that and then he left at about 11.30pm. I didn't know at that point, that that would be the last alone time we'd spend together but that day there was a certain atmosphere in the room and it was the final curtain for us, it could either be the start of something extremely special or the end of something that was doomed from the outset all those many months before. And I guess I got my outcome.

I still caught up with him today, I obviously didn't mention how vivide this day last year was in my mind. We went to the pub with 4 other friends of ours, in fact the 4 we are going away with at Easter. It's pretty cool between us now even if there is a slight twinge in our friendship that twinge that those few months really shouldn't have ever happened and that if only we could arranged them and go back in time then we would still be spending fun time together watching movies. Ahhh well.

As for Mr Tall I hav emissed him a lot but at the same point I am seriously (again) considering ending it all. You see I left a message on his myspace for him thinkin it would be sweet for when he returns. However I have just checked his myspace and he has been online recently and I haen't had a response to my message. I know I am being a needy female but we haven't been in contact since Christmas Eve so I think I have a right to be a little needy. Anyway, when I realised he'd been on his myspace I wanted to check to see if he had read my message - you see he gave me his password to his myspace as he asked me to do some stuff on it. He knows mine too. Anyway, it felt so wrong like I was almost stalking the guy and I felt so needy and like a stupid insecure female but I just need to check, if you know what I mean so I did. He had read the message and he hadn't replied. So now I am just left confused everything was going so well and he was being so sweet tome and I really thought we could somehow (not sure how) make this strange situation work. If he doesn't contact me on New Years Eve I am going to assume that he hasn't missed me and if that's the case when we finally do talk, I really do think I am gona end it.

I guess there is one thing that's gona make me smile. If I don't hear from him over New Year at least I have Bouncer to give me some attention.

HAPPY 2007 EVERYONE. I sure intend on having a great one.

A letter to you.

Hey everyone (Venge)

I am still here and shining like a little star. I must say I am enjoying the time off this Christmas season it's jolly nice and fund. So Santa brought me lots of stuff and Mr Tall is still off traveling visiting friends and family but he has texted me so that's all good.

I got some great pressies including an erotic fiction book which I must say I am going to have fun reading ;) Mr Tall should most definitely be here, trust me he's missing out big time ;).

It's got to be said though I have been spending time with Jerk Boy again while we've had time off work. Not just Jerk Boy but a group of friends but again it's me and him that seem to get each other. It doesn't help with us being the 2 single ones in our main group of friends so we do tend to get lumped together quit often but still things are ok on that front. He bought me a great pressie for Christmas it was the "Dirty Minds" game - he knew I'd like it and truth is he was peeing his pants out of excitement to play it so we played it with some other friends Christmas day night and it was hilarious. Muchess Funess.

But yeah nothing much to tell - oh I bought a gorgeous dress for New Year in the sale today it is stunning and guess who it in my city for New Year and going to be at the New Year Bash..... Only Bouncer (Search this blog and you'll find Bouncer posts) tell you what his tongue is going to be hangin gout of his mouth hehehehehhehehe.

Right I be offty thanks for all the wished and hugs you faithful bloggy readers.

Alll my love and hugs

Gretta

It's gona be lonely this Christmas without you to hold.

Mr Tall is going to visit family over Christmas and New Year and it means he wont have the internet. It sucks big time. I am not even convinced I am gona be able to speak to him Friday night this week :(.

We were having an online voice convo the other day and I had my webcam on - he doesn't have a webcam - he said he is planning on getting one tho and this convo happened.

Gretta: So are you taking your laptop away with you.

Mr Tall: No I won't have net access even if I did. Why are you gona miss me?

Gretta: No.

Later on in the conversation

Gretta: when are you getting a webcam, you know facial expressions can often give away more than just words.

Mr Tall: What like yours earlier when you said you weren't gona miss me I just looked at your face and knew you were.

Gretta: Oh grrr I forgot that was on then.

I am going to miss him though, I am going to miss him like crazy. We chat nearly every day via msn or email and then once a week on the phone. Over Christmas I really am not going to hear from him much and truth is I think this is going to be really tough for me. I really like him. I really really like him.

The perfect date.

Mr Tall and I chatted for 2 hours on the phone Friday. We chatted about loads of crap like past relationships, and things we expect and things we don't expect. Where we used to hang out when we were younger, what we like to do in general. All that sort of stuff. The conversation felt really good. It was deep in a way I can't define and it felt to me as a kind of stepping stone in this weird relationship we're having. We talked about ideal dates and his was simple but yet sweet. He said that he'd take me to his favourite Italian restaurant (which was fab coz I love Italian) and then we'd drive to a beach (as it would be hot) and then lie looking at the stars while flirting and we'd paddle in the sea while the moonlight reflects of it and we'd laugh a lot and then we'd go back to his place and drink wine.

So simple. Yet so sweet.

BLAH BLAH BLAH WORK

Mr Tall told me he wasn't going to be online this morning. However, he popped online quickly just to say hi to me. He's so cute and sweet to me - i was shocked that he was online, i had my sensible head on again, thinking about ending it again and then he came online showered me with attention and then those thoughts were no more.

It seems like Jerk Boy is going to get into quite a bit of trouble after the incident the other night and this time I am going to keep my mouth shut. I've had his manager on the phone this morning saying 2 other people heard fully what Jerk Boy had said to this other manager and apparently they think it was really bad. I guess Jerk Boy said more than what I heard because what I heard wasn't that bad, when I wasn't listening he must have lived up to his name. Apparently they are going to give him a verbal warning but after Christmas as they want him to have a good Christmas lol. Hopefully they'll forget all about it. I feel for him it sucks, he's not the best social person I know but he's great at his job, and yeah at times he is an arrogant git but trust me he has every reason to be. He has inputted loads in this company, met targets and more, and puts in extra hours and not only that Jerk or not he doesn't mean to be a jerk. He just doesn't have much common sense and can be a little irresponsible at times.

Anyway stop thinking about work crap I have a phone date tomorrow night :> I think it's the 5th one. So, how many phone dates do I have before it becomes exclusive phone dating or a phone relationship? Anyone know - should I just ask Mr Tall?

*sits confused and tearful*

These past few days have been tough for me. I have been seriously contemplating ending things with Mr Tall but everytime I try and approach the subject online, he somehow manages to surprise me.

So, when he was away last weekend - I know for a fact he went away a whole bunch of people but in that whole bunch of people was a girl, a very pretty girl. Now I am not one who cares about looks that much, and in general try my hardest not to get insecure about other girls. Anyhow, this girl invited him out a few weeks ago to her work Christmas thing, which he told me about and which he went to. He told me he was only going to it because of the free food and that they were just friends. At the time so were we and I had no reason for concern.

Yet yesterday I was on his myspace and this girl is one of his friends on his myspace page so I couldn't help wanting to take a look. Silly Gretta. Silly, stupid Gretta. You see on her myspace page was all of their weekend away pics and it has to be said her and Mr Tall looked pretty close.

I know, at this moment in time they're just friends. Yet she looks lovely and they kind of looked really good together. With all that in mind today I was considering calling things all off - except today online he was being really sweet to me and by the end of the conversation I had forgotten I was even considering calling it a day until just now when I remembered about her myspace page. The worst thing is while online today he asked if we could have a phone date again on Friday night. Without blinking an eye I've said yes.

Truth is though I do feel threatened by this girl, they did look close in the pics and I don't know if I should mention it to him or not. I am scared if we continue this phone dating, flirtatious and caring relationship we seem to have at the moment someone and most likely me is going to get really hurt. At the same point I really don't want to end it, we get on so well. I just can't help but think this girl has a thing for him, and she lives 10 minutes away from him, they have more of a chance of making a go of things properly than we do at the moment, so why in the heck wouldn't he want that?

:(

He's screwing with me again.

I guess it’s all been a bit quiet on the Jerk Boy front on this blog, but truth is lately I have been seeing quite a lot of Jerk Boy. We are still good friends even after everything and we still understand each other completely. He still works here and we still hang around with the same friends outside of work so our paths have been crossing a lot more regularly lately.

So, last night we had a Christmas work thing on, I was really tired and didn’t want to go but Jerk Boy text me saying he was going and it would be good if I went too. So I went. I know that boy can still pretty much make me do anything, although we hardly chatted all night long. It’s a bit of a complicated system but the department he heads up he heads up with 3 other managers, however they all have slightly different roles. Last night he managed to make one of the other managers cry. Yet, he didn’t even realise she was crying because of what he had said and to be honest what he said wasn’t bad at all.

Anyway, I got a phone call today from the manager above Jerk Boy asking me to explain what happened last night. I get this a lot, I am known as the office diplomat always seeing things from all different points of view. I hadn’t even heard Jerk Boy say anything to this other manager that I don’t know that well so I blamed all the trouble on one of the team members that had been winding up this manager earlier.

After that I figured I should let Jerk Boy know because at the end of the day he probably hadn’t even realised he’d done anything. I called him and explained the situation and then we got into a massive text conversation which was kind of this jist (shortened for blogging purposes)

Jerk Boy: I just feel like I am being ganged up on by everyone for just trying to do the best job I can. I am trying to do my best, this isn’t the first time I’ve been pulled up for upsetting that manager.

Gretta: I know, but you do a great job it’s just some people aren’t as laid back as others, and even though what you said wouldn’t have offended me, it has offended her. You know what why don’t you just come to the cinema tonight with the guys – take your mind off things and I’ll buy you a chocolate bar.

Jerk Boy: For once Gretta you seem to be making sense. I might take you up on that cinema offer, but I also might have a night in. I'll let you know later - Thanks.

You know what, I still have a thing for Jerk Boy, I hate the fact that he’s having a hard time at work. It upsets me. Telling him what I knew could probably get me in trouble at work but I thought he had a right to know that it had got back to his manager and that I had stood up for him.

Mr Tall is great don’t get me wrong and Mr Tall makes me feel amazing, but Mr Tall isn’t here and whether I like it or not I see more of Jerk Boy at this moment in time and at this moment in time Jerk Boy needs me and for some reason I quite like the feeling of being needed.

Grrrrrr why does he do it, why does he get in my head?

The answer to the question...

Okkkkaaay

So, I tried my hardest to decide what to do, at first I was unsure about texting as I didn’t want to come across as a needy female even though that is what I have been this weekend.

Yet, in the end my eagerness to text overwhelmed me and completely consumed me and late Saturday night while not being able to sleep in bed I text him.

How foolish am I? I know... I’ll text him before I sleep so I will subconsciously not sleep properly coz I'll be waiting for his response and I waited subconsciously all night long. Then in the morning I woke up to a response.

“Hey Chick, I’ve just got home, haven’t had reception. I’ve had the best weekend, I’ll tell you all about it a bit later. Ciao Mr Tall x.”

And later he kept his word and rang me and told me all about it. I wondered why he didn’t say goodbye to me and before he went away he got held up with a friend and couldn’t get online to say bye. I still don’t understand why he didn’t text me then instead but things seem great between us so there was no reason to rock the boat. I’ll just let it slide and remind him gently next time that if he can’t make it online a text wouldn’t go a miss coz insecure me will freak out inside.

Anyway, he was online this morning and instant messaged me for about an hour so as far as I can tell there was no problem and all is good between us, and he said he’s come online for a chat tomorrow too so I feel a lot more stable.

Maybe I shouldn't have got so insecure just me and men are disasters waiting to happen.

Yet, here is a disaster - he has said that he doesn’t think he’ll be able to make a visit to my city until the New Year and in Jan I am going away so I dunno when we are actually going to see each other in human form. I guess the phone, the internet and the mobiles are going to have to do a little while longer.

Awwww sorry Jeff – no drama!!!.

Help - I've got a question.

This has been the longest time we haven't spoken since I first clapped eyes on his 2 months ago. Ok so that's not strictly true. When we first met we didn't speak to each other, and then the second time we met we exchanged emails because he doesn't live in my city and on the third time that was it after emailing we just hit it off we exchanged phone numbers and as they say been phone dating ever since. So since the third meeting this is the longest time I haven't been in contact with him and the longest time I haven't seen him, and I have to say I am desperate to pick up my mob and just text him. Yet, at the same time I am still half pissed about the fact that he said he'd pop online to say goodbye to me. Even if he couldn't get online he could have text me to tell me that so I feel as if I should be mad with him - definitely because I can't help thinking he went cold after I told him why I was on medication..

Remember he's away with friends this weekend, and it is possible he doesn't have much reception anyway.

Yet here's my question!!! What do I do???

a. Text him (a friendly text).

b. Give him the space that he might need (even though I don't understand why he'd need space)

c. Leave it until Monday and see if he contacts me then.

d. Go insane, delete his email add (I know it off by heart), delete mob number (I don't know off by heart) and delete him from my life as it were.

e. Other (if e please explain)

All answers in the comments (Not on the back of a postcard) and all answers will be gratefully accepted.

Thanks

Quietly Freaking Out :(

I am thinking that Mr Tall and I are about to go horribly wrong. We've been chatting online all week and things I have to say it seemed near perfect.

Anyway, I've been on some medication of late - it's nothing life threatening at all and is just women problem related so haven't wanted to tell Mr Tall what the problem was but he's known that I haven't been well and known that I am on medication. The only issue is the doc said to me that if it doesn't clear up by monday she's gona contact the consultant and book me in for an operation. So I filled Mr Tall in and he asked me to tell him what the problem actually was. Like I said it's not life threatening it's just slightly embarrassing for me.

Anyway, yesterday I told him and after I thought he went all quiet and weird but it's hard to tell online so I assumed that things were fine, seriously this thing isn't gona kill me, it's not gona cause any problems once it's treated, it's just not even significant.

So Mr Tall is going away this weekend with a bunch of friends and we're not going to be able to have our phone date this week. Which yeah I am pretty bummed about but I'll live but when he logged off yesterday after me thinking he was being all weird he said he's make sure he popped online today to say goodbye to me before he goes away. He didn't. Now I am wishing that I hadn't told him, at the back of my head I am thinking he can't be funny about that it's not even serious but it just seems so strange that he's gone into himself and he's not come online to say goodbye. So, far he's always kept his word and I am feeling insecure at the moment. I don't understand. Now he's away for the weekend and I don't know what he's thinking. I just don't get it.

I always knew the distance was going to prove a hard factor to overcome but it's not the distance right now that's the problem, it's the communication. If he's not online how am I ever going to know what's going on in that head of his.

This could be the beginning of the end, or just the end but I guess it was fun when it was fun. It's not so fun right now. At a time I needed him to make me feel secure was the time he left me feeling insecure.

I'm happy

Me and Mr Tall are still going well and I am the happiest I've been for a long time. Just wish he lived closer. Still we might just be able to figure something out.