Christmas break.

It's been nice not to blog this week. Week full of family madness.

Climber Dude has been away, he text me on Christmas day and we had a bit of a chat yesterday, he gets back on Sunday and I think he may want to meet up unsure if I will or not yet.

Flatmate has been a bit scarce clearly spending sometime over Christmas with Gifty, he still managed to turn up on boxing day night though and he slept the night, it shocked me to find him still there in the morning and we went to the shopping mall together to hit the sales. It felt a bit odd really we've never really been "out" like that. I was really shocked to have him still asleep next to me when i woke up, I shook him and he pulled the covers over his head and was like "Gretta it's cold" and I replied "Flatmate I've got to hit the sales so you've gotta get up, you can't stay here so you either go home or come with me" he replied "it's cold can't I just say here" which then let me to push him out of the bed, we both started laughing and he said he'd come shopping with me. I've not seen him since, he was gona buy me a present at the shops but town was soooo busy ended up deciding to jack it in. I had to meet my mum for lunch anyway and he had to head off. I've not seen him since boxing day but it was really quite nice. AND NO I didn't sleep with him.

I really am on my best behaviour.

On Christmas Eve when to the pub with Childhood sweetheart and we've been messaging via facebook ever since but I feel like I'm gona end up messing him about and I don't want him to think badly of me so am gona back off.

I had a great Christmas catching up with family and friends, seriously eaten far toooo much, seriously more than ever before - definitely need to diet and I'm not a dieter by principle.

If I don't blog again - Happy New Year to you all.

I feel sick

I feel rough...

Yuk Yuk Yuk.

Last night went round Climber Dude's house, with a bunch of friends, already agreed to it before what happened last Sunday, when we had the discussion where he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship. It was the first time I'd seen him since and we got on fine. Great.

I get a text when I get home

"Gretta don't spose you want to brave the shopping mall tomorrow to help me finish Christmas shopping"

my reply

"Really? No. I've got all my shopping sorted and I avoid shopping at all costs on the Saturday before Christmas".

His reply

"Well, how about lunch then and then after lunch we can decide?"

Not sure what to reply, thinking maybe he wants to talk some more about our conversation the other day, thinking I should give him the opportunity if that's what he does want to do.

"Ok I'll do lunch"

He then suggests this little classy cafe not to far from my place and to meet there at 1 tomorrow. I'm thinking cool.

I somehow end up paying for lunch, not sure how that one works, then we end up going to some local shops to finish his Christmas shopping and then he invites himself back to my place and we end up watching Gorillas in the mist, but with no mention of our conversation, absolutely no flirting at all, and it all seemed rather bizarre I must say.

He's going away for Christmas and I'm not going to see him now until New Year and maybe he felt obliged to spend some time with me before he went away, who knows. All I know is, I'm really glad he's gona away for Christmas, I'm fed up of the confusion, and hopefully when he gets back they'll be no more time spent together. He didn't even hug me goodbye today! It's so weird, really I told best friend and she just doesn't understand at all. Me neither.

Anyway, one and all have a very happy Christmas and I hope 2008 rocks for you. I for one am hoping for a little less confusing drama. yes I am.

Gretta xx

Ahhhhhhhhhhh I'm so excited

P.S I love you the film is coming out here on te 4th January. It's one of my favourite books ever. I'm so weeing myself in excitement right now. *runs around the office giggling*

Confessions of a guilty mind...

... I have been up to no good with Flatmate again. We haven't slept together and I don't plan to sleep with him either, but we've not been perfect angels either. He's been showering me with attention, effection and um um um orgasms. God he's good. He's been assertive, if I'm cleanly shaven he'll let his tongue go to work, and my God he's good.

I'm not sucked in by him, I've told him I'm using him for the attention and that I don't want to sleep with him but I'm happy to have a little fun for the time being. I don't think it will go on too long but at the moment we're both getting our fix and with Christmas on it's way it's been nice to have his company, I've seen a couple of times over the last week and it hasn't been all naughtyness sometimes we've just been chatting so it's good. I'm totally using him and he's allowing me too.

As for Climber Dude, he's still on my block list on msn but I think he's realised coz he text me yesterday "Yo Gretta, what's up?" I relied saying "all good. night" and he then replied saying "sleep well". Don't think he likes being ignored but at the moment I just need some distance between us.

Damper has gone away with work for 2 nights and has told me that I'm not going to hear from him until Saturday now. I'm chuffed he told me he could have just left me wondering where he was but he didn't. He's still that same considerate 15 year old I remember, only he's a lot older now.

Gretta xx

no work avo.

We had the electricians in work today to do the pac test or whatever it's called. Well my computer hasn't worked since so I'm on my colleagues, but all my files are on my computer and my back up pens are at home so I am having a lazy afternoon. This will mean that I will be overly busy tomorrow but I'll manage some how.

It's freezing here at the moment, yesterday it was high of 2 degrees!!! This is silly cold. CS keeps posting pics on his blogs of things he sees on his runs, it makes me jealous, it makes me pine for heat. If I were to go out for a run at 5 in the morning it would be -3. I just can't bring myself to do that right now!

I'm suppose to be going out for a drink with intellect tonight, but she's met a man and is totally smitten at the moment and my bet is he'll invite her out and she'll go out with him instead.. Huff.

I've blocked Climber Dude, funny isn't it, I block Climber Dude but not Flatmate, it's because Flatmate can't hurt me anymore, I'm wise to his games, Climber Dude is a bit more clever than Flatmate and still has power to hurt me so I've blocked Climber Dude I need distance from him.

Anyhow, I should go! byes xx

I told you so....

ok you can say it, it's fine say it. My mission to get Climber Dude completely failed yesterday. Failed. I don't often fail but I feel a lot more on top of things so maybe failure is what I needed.

So, Climber Dude sat me down yesterday and said these words to me - clearly because he'd noticed I'd upped the tempo.

"Gretta. I REALLY enjoy your company. I do. I'm just not in any place where I can have a relationship at this time"

WHAT A LOAD OF TOSH. Sorry boys but us girls know exactly what you mean when that line comes out. This is what it means.

It means; I'm not into you but I'm gona wait and see if something better comes along and if it doesn't then I've laid down a safety net, that may leave you hanging on a little and then I'll come back when I haven't found anything better.

Well, Climber Dude - you've really done it this time. Good bye Climber Dude, I am done with YOU.

But in other news. I do have more news.

Friday night was my sister's birthday and she's friends with the guy who was my childhood sweetheart at school, the guy who lived up my street when I was growing up, the guy who we on off liked each other the whole way through school.

I promised my sister I'd go into town and meet her for drinks, but I was aiming to go visit some friends after, so I drove and didn't drink. Anyway, he needs a nickname lets call him 'damper' he damp proofs houses for a job now. Anyway I offered to give damper a lift, as he said he'd go for a few drinks too. We just hit it off again, it was freaky, it reminded me of the past but even moreso it was unbelieveably comfortable. He sent me a message on facebook the following day at 9.30am in the morning and we've been messaging each other ever since. We haven't organised to go out or anything like that but we're still getting on really well! It's funny but when I meet someone like Damper I remember what it's like to just get on with a guy with no inhibitions, I don't know what's happened over the last few weeks but everything has just been complicated and hard work.

I don't know if anything will come of me and Damper being back in contact - there may just be a little too much history between us, but I tell you what it feels good to just relax and enjoy chatting to someone, rather than wondering if they have an alternative motive, or if they're interested or not, it's just nice. And nice it what Gretta needs right now.

Oh have I ever told you that Flatmate is into graphic design, well, he sent me a pic he's done of me, it's a bit naughty but I really like it, I really like it. I'm tempted to update my eye, my eye has been there for quite sometime. It is a bit naughty and it's flatmate's image of me and I guess he uses me to escape, I guess his image of me is a bit naughty, and I guess when it comes to Flatmate that's exactly what I am, nothing is good about that.

But what he's done is cool, it was his first attempt at this style of illustration and I think he's done a grand job.

So yeah look out later for my new profile pic. Exciting days.

And I promise, no more climber dude talk - I really am done with him, I'd rather him say I don't like you at all than leave stupid safety nets. I hate safety nets. Just so you know.

sweet and short is his dad and this post.

So... I met Climber Dude's parents today!

No nothing has changed, and actually the meeting was very brief, but they seem like really down to earth people. It shocked me that his mum was taller than his dad why that shocked me I don't know it just did.

Nothing else to report, Christmas busyness has set in this weekend and I'm loving every single second of it. Yeyeys.

blood pumping.

I'm so pissed it's unbelieveable. I've just had a corker of a row with Flatmate. He's such a nob. Oh my god I don't even want to relay it. In fact he's not worth my effort to replay it for you. It's just making me boil inside. Aaron you'll be pleased to know I'm so close to blocking him and deleting him and never speaking to him again. I'm nearly there because boy has he pissed me off.

Anyway, I'm on my period which could be part of my crankyness, and flip me Climber Dude is far too confusing at the moment, for someone who "isn't" interested he's showing far too much interest. Aggghhhhhhaaaaaaaa men they're all a bunch of dicks at the moment bar CS, Aaron and Scotty, they're cute arses.

Ok rant over.

busybee

Work has been so busy it's unbelievable... UN FUCKING BELIEVABLE.

Anyway, lets give you the lowdown.

Climber Dude and I are flirting like crazy over msn, flirting like crazy in front of our friends, but... Haven't yet seen him alone after what I did. However, I've now certainly upped the flirting and thus far it's going well.

Jerk Boy, still being a little silly and over protective but he's backed off a bit too, I think he's slowly getting it.

Flatmate, ok so Flatmate came over last night, and I told him that I didn't want anything to happen because of Gifty, he told me that we both know we use what we have as escapism and I should let myself have fun and escape with him. He nearly convinced me but I chucked him out just at the point he wanted more - that boy is beginning to piss me off.

Nothing else to say. I'm shattered, literally work is manic and I've not been sleeping properyl nda my eyes, my eyes are all dark, I need to revitalise.

Gretta x

*evil cackles*

I know you all think I'm insane.

I think I'm insane.

Yet let me tell you something - NO ONE gives Gretta the brush off and gets away with it.

Comparing, contrasting and conclusions.

Right.

I am just gona type this into here, no more copying and pasting for me.

It has been a funny weekend, and I've come to a few conclusions.

Lets start with Friday night, went over Intellect's new flat, drank lots of wine and slept the night. Jerk Boy and Climber DUde both came as they live near Intellect. I'd drank too much and made a few silly comments, according to Intellect I kept mentioning how I like to write short stories just to make sure my point was made and that I wasn't some insane loon. Things with Climber Dude thankfully weren't awkward although, he did say a few funny things too which left me very confused.

Saturday night, went to the pub, Climber Dude was there but he didn't sit near us.

Sunday, Climber Dude invited a whole bunch of us over to his place, and we did end up flirting a bit but it was all good.

Conclusion #1 I have feeling for Climber Dude, I really want to pursue him, I find myself wanting to hold his hand, wanting to cuddle up to him when I'm sat on the couch next to him, I find myself much more attracted to him than previously! Is this because he said what he said, or have I needed the thought of losing him to establish exactly what I feel? I'm unsure now what to do. We will see.

Conclusion #2 I've not heard from Flatmate since that night, and he was online yesterday and I ignored him and he didn't talk to me either and I've concluded that now I've decided I do have feeling for Climber Dude I don't want anything to do with Flatmate.

Conclusion #3 Jerk Boy has definitely been more friendly since finding out I've been spending time with Climber Dude, so much so that I've concluded I do need to back off a bit, so at the pub on Saturday night I moved away from him. Then when he asked me to drop him home after being at Climber Dude's place last night I told him to get a lift with another guy who was there because he goes past his house. I feel like it's the right thing to do.

Conclusion #4 Scotty I know you pointed out everything that was wrong about Climber Dude, what you failed to do was to point out everything that was right. And, I get on extremely well with him, he's a very sound guy he's not about to cheat or shit on me, and at this moment in time it doesn't feel like the end, if anything it feels like the beginning.

I invite you to come on this adventure with me, the adventure that may end in disaster or happiness. Lets see what happens, Gretta is gona get her groove on.

Bridget Jones Moment.

When I wrote the previous post, I was at work. I wrote it in word and copied and pasted into this blog.

Then I did work

A few hours later Climber Dude appears on msn and we start chatting. I want to send him a link to a site I'd been looking at

I copied and pasted the site - but no actually I didn't. I pasted a paragraph from the previous post - This is what I sent to him via msn completely accidentally.

"Ok so myself and Climber Dude aren’t compatible and yes yes he’ll probably be a really good friend but I did find myself really beginning to like the idea of a stable relationship which I know whatever girl gets him that’s what they’ll have. So, yeah I was liking the idea.Last night I was reminded again of how completely incompatible we are"

There was no way I could hide that the above was about him, he would have read it and knew instantly.

So now I had to try and explain what I'd done.

Gretta: Climber Dude I think I need to explain what I just sent you.

No Response

Gretta: Ummmm ok

No Response

Gretta: So, I write short stories sometimes, mainly when I'm confused and need to defuse my thoughts.

No Response

Gretta: I wrote that earlier and copied and pasted it to send home to finish there (I didn't want him knowing I blog this stuff) and I've just accidentally pasted it to you.

Still No Response.

Gretta: So, because we'd been spending a lot of alone time lately I'd been thinking maybe it might lead somewhere but the story was just me defusing my thoughts.

Climber Dude: Gretta it's ok, I've been thinking the same and come to the same conclusion.

Cut story short, I thought after reading the paragraph it may have been a bit like a kick in the balls and so then I said "altho we're incompatible in some areas, I really enjoy hanging out with you, and I'm still happy to see if it might lead anywhere" Climber Dude's reply was that he really does think we are not compatible.

So there we have it seems he was just as confused as me! However, once again I've put up my permissions to this blog, because if he'd googled that paragraph I'm sure he'd find me and right now I can't be found.

WHAT A SILLY PERSON I AM - NO MORE COPYING AND PASTING FOR ME.

A connection and a closeness that is hard to ignore!

Ok so myself and Climber Dude aren’t compatible and yes yes he’ll probably be a really good friend but I did find myself really beginning to like the idea of a stable relationship which I know whatever girl gets him that’s what they’ll have. So, yeah I was liking the idea.

Last night I was reminded again of how completely incompatible we are. I was chatting to him online, yes he struck up the conversation with me, yes he made that bit of effort and therefore I chatted back. He asked what I was up to on Saturday and I told him about my hair appointment. Well, he made me feel bad about having a hair appointment as if there was so many other things I could be doing with my Saturday rather than getting my haircut. What the crap? I came away feeling bad that I’d booked myself a hair appointment and some relaxation time.

Anyway, he wound me up a bit.

This is the bad bit though. You see on Tuesday Flatmate was online and I happened to tell Flatmate about the Climber Dude situation and how it was upsetting me.

Then during me feeling guilty for booking a hair appointment. Flatmate appeared online and started chatting to me. He started telling me how much he’d missed me lately, how he missed the sound of my voice, how he missed me not judging him, how he’d missed seeing my face and my smile and how he’d missed me getting excited about the smallest things, he told me he missed us being naughty with one another. It was really random, he didn't even know that at the same time I was chatting to Climber Dude who was making me feel back about myself.

I started to feel better, I started to tell him how I’d missed him too, how I’d missed him talking to me for hours, how I’d missed him randomly turning up and us chatting the night away, how I’d missed the closeness we had.

I know, I know I shouldn’t have been reminiscing about how good the past was definitely considering it was all a facade anyway, but the facade even tho it's just a pipe dream facade it was making me feel alive inside.

He asked if he could come round, I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea as I was feeling vulnerable, he said that he was going to come over anyway. I like it when he gets assertive but I also know he’s got a girlfriend and we just can’t pick things up where we left things.

About 45minutes later he’s at my place and I just feel too weak to tell him to leave, definitely considering he’s driven from the city next to my city and truth is I wanted him to be there I’ve been craving for some attention lately.

We sit on the couch, and I lay my head on his shoulder, he gently runs his fingers through my hair. We just sit chatting about us. He was telling me how I accept him for who he is, how when he gets cranky I allow him to be cranky. I laughed. I don’t really allow him to be cranky, when he’s cranky I just take the piss out of him until he starts to laugh. He then said how he missed my smart arse comments and how I make him feel. He asked if he should stop telling me how much he missed about me, I told him that maybe he should. I told him that he shouldn’t have come, but I’m glad he did. I told him that I wasn’t going to sleep with him because until now we’ve been doing really well (also I feel like he knew I was vulnerable and was using that to his advantage) he told me he didn’t come because he expected me to sleep with him but just that he wanted to be with me. My heart was melting slowly inside. If only he was single, if only.

“Hey you’re tired” he said.

He was right I was completely shattered these past few days had really taken things out of me.

“How about I put you to bed for old times sake” he said.

I couldn’t argue with him, he picked me up into his arms like he always used too when I was tired and he carried me to my bed (I was already in my jammies it was late when he arrived), he jumped in beside me, he pulled me close, my I’d missed that smell and this closeness, he ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead. I fell asleep in his arms.

I remember waking up to use the loo and he was still there and when I came back from the loo he asked me if I was ok, to which I said I was fine (although I’d already started to think about Gifty and if Gifty was me, how I’d feel and why when it comes to Flatmate does he manage to have this hold on me, I also was thinking I should really put this to an end before it starts, Christmas is coming I don’t want to be thinking about Flatmate being with Gifty at Christmas, thoughts were already consuming my mind) yep I’m fine I said. I snuggled up and went back to sleep.

I woke up this morning and in true Flatmate style he was gone and the bed felt extremely empty. I picked up my pillow and cuddled it to me, why does he do it to me, why does he tell me the things I need to hear, why does he make me feel like I’m the only one for him when I know I’m not, why do I allow him to – who knows.

I know you all think bad of me, I know you all think bad of him, but it’s not that clear cut, me and Flatmate we’re so comfortable with each other, we’ve had a connection and even though some people are able to ignore connections they have with other people, our connection is hard to ignore and because we haven't ignored it in the past it makes it even harder now. It’s not easy being me and trust me, I give myself the hardest time out of anyone, so go a head jump on me, criticise me, make me feel bad, but know this nothing you can say, I haven't already said to myself, I know being this close to a taken guy is wrong. I know.

*lick finger put finger in air and 'ttzzzzzzzzz' sound*

So log on to msn when I get home from work, Climber Dude's online. I'm still feeling pissy and decide that he's not worth my effort, start to run a bath and leave my busy sign up. Pop back to the computer

Climber Dude: Pub tonight? (no hello how are you, how's your week been - just those 2 words).

Gretta: I'm shattered I'm gona have a night in.

It feels good to be in control!

*please note the nasty coloured writing it sums up how I feel about Climber Dude right about now*

Just for a coffee snob ;)

So silly!

I feel so much better after my cry last night. After Scotty pointing out my planknessness, I have now figured things out and I feel a lot more at ease!

He's not worth anymore wasted thoughts, time or attention. I'm not going to turn into some untouchable ice queen but I am however, not going to instigate anything else. He knows where I am.

It's funny though, as soon as I make that decision, guess who's online, non other than Flatmate. I so seriously wanted to get him to give me attention to make me feel better about myself, and if I'm to be honest if work hadn't been so busy this morning I would have pushed his buttons and got that attention.

I'm scared of myself, I hate my insecurities that make me want men I shouldn't have, I'm scared that I'll miss out on something so unbelievably special because I've found myself wanting some guy who doesn't put effort in.

However, I am feeling a lot better.

Oh and I got a text today from someone at the club Sunday night - I'd bumped into an old friend on the dance floor, and we chatted for a bit and I gave him my number, not for him to pull me at all but just coz we used to hang out a fair bit. Anyway, his text said "I didn't tell you the other night but you were looking really good the other night". It's a shame he's a munter with a girlfriend but I guess at least I got some attention.

I'm so concerned that if I see Flatmate online again I'm gona do sumat stupid. Arrrggghh I hate me when I get like this.

Ouch that one hit home!

WOW talk about a slap in the face.

It was needed Scotty and I surprisingly appreciate it more than you know - A friend corrects you when you're wrong out of caring and I know that your comment was meant in a caring way. It doesn't quite stop the tears though and I'm crying because once again I've been a fool in the man department.

I don't get what it is with me and men and why I constantly pick the bad ones. I just think someone up there doesn't like me much and funnily enough neither do the guys I seem to pick for myself.

Right now I just really with that I could cuddle up to a sensible man, lay my head on his shoulders and just let all of my cares be swept away, but no one wants me and even the people I allow to get close just screw me over.

Ahhhh God damn you tears, it's making all the words blurry in this post. Oh sugar and I have tear drops all over my work shirt.

I'm gona go and cry into my pillow and wollow in self pity for a while - don't mind me just having a bad evening.

I can't read him.

Yesterday was the first day in over a week that Climber Dude hasn't been in contact!

It feels weird, he hasn't been in contact today either and I'm working late tonight don't think I'll be home until 10pm at the earliest grrrrrrr. I'll be knackered and want to go straight to bed as I'd have been in this place for 12 hours.

I want him to text me, or to email me or something. I don't want to chase him down like some desperado.

I hate this waiting game.

How long are you suppose to wait until you just accept that the guy isn't interested in you? Anyone know?

People tell me that men are simple creatures and Flatmate was definitely a simple creature, he thought with one thing and it wasn't his brain. Climber Dude, Climber Dude I just can't read.

For Irish Lil (pride has prevented me from sharing this with anyone).

When I was a little kid I was obsessed with Australia and everything Australian. I watched Neighbours and home and away from a young age, used to like Flying Doctors, everything Australian I loved.

When I was a teen we finally got the internet at home and I found myself searching Australian chat rooms and meeting Australian men online.

I became a penpal with one of the guys I met and we’ve been in contact ever since I was 17, he’s now married and I met him and his wife (who was girlfriend) when I was in Australia in 05.

Anyway, to cut this long story short I’d always wanted to go to Australia. I had high hopes of Australia: Blonde toned surfers, (that I imagined would be like Brad from Neighbours) Great weather, great beaches, good music, good night life, easy going life style, bbqs, relaxation, bush, rainforests, the 12 apostles, amazing views, the great barrier reef – seriously what wouldn’t there be to like about Australia.

However, no one seemed to want to come with me, none of my friends, none of my family – Australia was my dream and it turned out it was my dream alone. Therefore to get there I’d have to travel alone.

I’d never travelled alone before, I’d done a heap of travelling but always with best friend or other friends.

However, Australia was my dream and Australia I was going to go to.

I saved money, I booked my flight, I booked my hostel for when I arrived, I got my visa sorted, I was going.

I remember my mum being scared shitless about me travelling alone, I remember my dad being tremendously proud, telling me stories of how he hitchhiked round Europe when he was younger.

The day I was leaving I could hardly contain my excitement, I people watched at Heathrow airport, when I sat on the plane I’d already noted which seats the cute guys were in and let me tell you seat 36c was a hottie. I’d already text Best Friend a number of times describing seat 36c to her. This was it my adventure was about to start.

There was a guy in the seat next to me who was meeting his girlfriend in Australia who had already been working there, and we hit it off straight away and when we weren’t sleeping we chatted the whole way. His accommodation wasn’t too far from my hostel so we shared a taxi when we finally got out of the airport the 24 hours later.

It must have been about 5am when I arrived at my hostel and guess what…. They didn’t do early morning check in – I couldn’t believe it!!! I was stuck outside my hostel at 5am with the heaviest back pack in history, after a 24 hour flight, completely knackered not knowing what the crap I should do.

After about 30mins 2 guys came out of the hostel for a cigarette, to this day I have no idea what they were doing up at 5.30am smoking outside the hostel, it’s not as if they’d just returned from a wild night out but they let me in the hostel so I could wait in the hostel instead of outside.

This was when I realised that check in opened at 9am and I had hours to wait before I could get to my room and finally put my belongings some where safe.

I decided to have a shower I went into the bathroom with all my luggage, and figured it would be safe with it being so early in the morning, when I came out of the shower my nose started to bleed, I assumed it was because of the air pressure from flying but it just bled and bled and bled I thought it was never gona stop.

When it finally did stop I went to take a look at my watch, my watch had gone!!! I couldn’t find my watch, where the fuck was my watch???

I started to freak out everything just hit me all at once

I was in a hostel but couldn’t get to my room
I was a million miles from home
I was alone
I’d just had a mammoth nosebleed and probably lost about half the blood in my body
I was hungry
I was tired
I had no idea what the time was
I’d lost my watch.

I started to cry, I kept crying, I cried some more. I wanted to call home and say that’s it I’ve been in Australia for a few hours and I’m ready now to come home, I knew I couldn’t do that because this was always suppose to be my personal challenge but it was also my dream and my dream was rapidly turning into a nightmare.

After crying for what seemed like forever, I gave myself a prep talk, I found someone who worked at the hostel who let me get into my room early, I had a nap and then I booked a tour and went on a trip where I met some people and made some friends.

Soon enough, I was happy and during the time I was in Australia I missed home like crazy but during those times I’d give myself a prep talk and make sure I’d get around people. I found my watch a few weeks into my trip, I’d put it in my jacket pocket when I’d taken my jacket off to have a shower that day.

There were still lonely times during my trip, there were still times when I thought “Shit – I’ve really done this” or when I thought “Shit I can’t go home and I want my mum”.

Girls get emotional, girls get irrational, girls let the smallest of things upset them, I was so strong in mind until I lost that bloody watch, not knowing the time reduced me to tears.

But you know what it’s ok to be a girl, it ok to be emotional, it’s ok to be irrational because in those times you pick yourself up, you sort yourself out and you deal with whatever is thrown at you.

So Irish Lil, even though your new move has been tough, I know you’ll be just fine. Us girls, we always are.

All over the place!

2 friends, within the group of peeps I hang out with became an item this week, that is MusicMan (who I've spoke about before) and youngie (I've just named her, she's 7 years younger than MusicMan but she's sooo mature for her age). Anyway, this coming out had really effected JerkBoy.

Last night we all decided to go out for a dance, we weren't planning on being late with it being a Sunday but we all decided to go out. So...

MusicMan

Youngie

JerkBoy

Climber Dude

Best Friend

Best Friend's Hubby

Me

Married Couple (I'm going on hol with)

All went out for a bit. While out JerkBoy was being a bit of a depressive..

Gretta: look how cute MusicMan and Youngie are being you should take a pic of them

JerkBoy: I'm not gona purposely make myself feel sick.

He was so envious it was unbelieveable.

I left fairly early as a. for some reason lots of people offered to buy me a drink and by 11pm I had drank far too much for a Sunday night, and b. because I'd gotten a lift with Best Friends Hubby who was now leaving.

Climber Dude seemed disappointed that I was leaving so early and to be honest I'd been mingling so much with the different people there and me and Best Friend didn't leave the dancefloor too much, that I didn't get chance to chat to him, I felt a bit bad about that I'm so used to just doing my own thing and having a good time.

Anyway, at about midnight I get a text from JerkBoy

Jerk Boy text: So, it seems I might just be having a pity party on my own, Climber Dude tells me you guys were doing popart together over the weekend.

Gretta: YOu know I've been spending time with Climber Dude - Anyway at this moment in time I can't read him at all so don't rule me out of that pity party yet.

Jerk Boy: Whatever.

He's so down at the moment! It's unbelieveable.

Anyway, I've not organised to spend anymore time with Climber Dude, but last night was cool, it was just nice to be out all together we've not done that for such a long time. It was great to dance with Best friend and just have a laugh.

yaddy boring yaddy!

It's been a bit of a crazy weekend.

Friday night I went clubbing with 2 girl friends, one married, one in a long term relationship so it wasn't a on the pull clubbing night but it was a girls going for a boogy clubbing night.

We went to this club and it had a real bizarre mix of people from, 18 year olds to 65 year olds! It was odd to say the least. I was back at home by 1.30am alone and it was all a bit of a disappointment.

I woke up silly early Saturday morning, baked some brownies for Intellect as she moved into her flat this weekend, and then I spend the afternoon with Climber Dude.

We finally got round to doing our "PopArt" thing and it was hilarious, I actually painted him and he painted me and to be honest it was bloody awful our paintings were BAD. It was very random and very funny, but now I'm pretty convinced we've hit friend zone I don't think anything is ever going to happen and although I've had various thoughts cross my mind, the thought that is crossing it at this moment is a thought of a friendship.

Right my bedroom is a right state so I'm gona go tidy up.

Gretta x