Once Gretta gets you!

Not that I intentionally want to be a soppy cow, but I knew that once Climber Dude decided to take the step things would be amazing between us. And I don't want to blow my own trumpet (ok so I do a bit) but I was right.

He's worth it..

So... After my work meeting we headed back to my place.

We then chatted for a good hour, it was good actually we went through the reasons behind the things that had happened these last 2 weeks, and he asked me if there was anything more to it with Army Hunk which I told him there wasn't. He also told me that for some reason pride had gotten in his way with me, and stubbornness and the thoughts of going away. He said he wasn't honest with me 2 weeks ago as he wanted me to believe that he thought I wasn't good enough as he didn't want to have to leave me. In a weird way it kind of all slotted into place, that he was spending so much time with me but he couldn't commit. He said that after missing me the last 2 weeks he realised he needed to open his heart up and he wants to be open and honest with me.

Then I decided I'd had enough of talking so I squeezed my butt on to the same sofa he was on and we just cuddled up watching TV, then he started to say something I can't remember what it was exacly but I told him to "shuuussh up" and to make sure he did I planted a kiss on him. We then proceeded to kiss the night away with not a lot more talking. Considering we'd done so much talking for the last year I wasn't too worried about the little talking we were suddenly doing. Things got pretty heated and I didn't want him to go I wanted him to stay, but I knew that I also didn't want things to go too fast, so when he said "Gretta I should go" I didn't stop him. We kissed goodnight and he left.

However, in bed that night, I felt lost, it felt so right being wrapped up in his arms, it's like we just fitted so comfortably together. When he text me saying "Night my sweet thing" although I'm unsure about the thing bit I fell asleep with a smile on my face and with his scent still on me.

I already feel in pretty deep, it's a bit strange really, I don't want to be into deep because of that niggling fear of getting hurt, but at the same time, last night everything seemed to feel so right. I can't believe the time that's been wasted and the hurt that has been caused. But if that's what it took for us to get to here, then it was worth it.

The plot thickens!

I’m sat in work writing this, it’s my quiet Thursday, boss is out of the office, all the others are out doing project work and here I am doodledaddling on here.

I haven’t as yet kissed Climber Dude. I know shocking, we said we’d take things slow and unfortunately after deciding to get together on Tuesday he had to rush to work for his shift and because I was previously moving on I kind of filled up my diary a lot more than I usually would, so last night I was out with the girls seeing the SATC movie – which was absolutely fabulous. We’ve been texting each other loads, I don’t think either of us can believe that after how much pain and heartache we’re finally together, we’re both happy but also apprehensive if that makes sense – I think that’s understandable after everything..

Anyway, tonight I have a work meeting until about 9pm, so tonight after my work meeting he’s meeting me for a drink and I’m thinking tonight is the night we’ll finally kiss – I do want to take things slow though so we’re just gona go one step at a time. I’m actually so nervous about it too, I feel like a kid, I’ve got butterflies and all sorts going on inside my stomach. I booked in a night out Friday too with some old work friends going for a nice slap up Italian meal. So yeah, it’s not going to be one of those see each other all the time at the beginning relationships as, well I’m busy. However, I think easing in slowly will be good for both of us.

I’ve heard from Army Hunk too!!! I explained the situation to him in the best possible way I could and he was still so sweet about it all. He told me not to worry as it isn’t the first time he’s been rejected and probably won’t be the last, he said it was a real shame though because he had lots of fun with me and still holds hope that maybe we’ll bump into each other again, he wished me all the best with complicated guy and that was that.

I know things with Climber Dude have never been simple but I do believe that now he’s actually made a decision to commit and put the fears that held him back previously to the side I really think we can make a go of things. I can but try and if it doesn’t work, then maybe I’ll just get back in contact with Army Hunk.

Oh and to top things off, when I logged on this morning I had a message from FLATMATE!!!!!!! I haven’t heard from him in months, all it said was “I’m back from my holiday do you wanna catch up” Who goes on a 4 month holiday?????????? He would have gone away for a week or 2 with Gifty, not 4 months, I just couldn’t believe the cheek of it.

Anyway I haven’t replied and I’m trying to decide whether to block, delete and get rid of him from my facebook profile, that situation has never been healthy ever, and now things are on with Climber Dude I don’t want to ruin them with sillyness with Flatmate. I think maybe I should tell him I can’t have him randomly turning up at my place, thankfully I know who Gifty is on his facebook profile so if he even tried to wreck things with me Gifty would be getting a message from a pretty girl telling all, and she’d know it’s true because I know exactly where Flatmate has 2 moles and lets just say you wouldn’t know that without knowing Flatmate if you get me!!!

An Item!!!!! I'm as shocked as you..

So, last night ended up in a heart to heart with Climber Dude.

He told me that he had his reasons for not getting into a relationship with me, 1 reason was the plan he had for going away for a year and the other was that he's been hurt in the past, really hurt and finds it hard to trust people.

Why is he telling me this now? Because I kissed Army Hunk of course this is why he's telling me this now.

I then said well, I've confirmed your fears haven't I? You're not going to be able to trust me now I've kissed someone in front of you but I did it because I wanted to show you I'm moving on. I can't just stay hanging the way you've made me, because that hurts me. Then he said this...

"Gretta, I care for you so deeply it's unbelieveable. You think the decisions I made were easy, I know I'm planning on going away, I can't bare the thought of having to leave you, the reason I said I wasn't ready for a relationship is because I'm scared. You knew that and yet you kissed another guy in front of me?"

I didn't know that? He'd never been clear about the precise reason why he couldn't get into a relationship with me. Anyway, then he said this....

"Some drunken snog at a wedding isn't going to change the way I feel about you. When I saw you it felt like a knife went into my heart and was being twisted, it wasn't an emotion that rooted from jealously but something that was a whole lot stronger than jealousy - do you understand what I'm saying Gretta?"

ok, so well this is my dilemma, I am trying to move on, I am missing you like crazy but I am trying to move on. If you feel as strongly as you say you do, we can either get together, regain trust because we've both hurt each other, work things through and when it comes to you going away we can look at our options, whether I visit you while you're there, whetehr we attempt a long distance relationship or whether I come with you. However we can take it a day at a time until we need to figure that out. Or... I continue to work at moving on. If you can't commit to me now I am not going to wait for you to get back to commit to me later when I have no guarantees, you could meet someone while away!

He then said, if you can handle getting into a relationship knowing that there is a possibility I might be going away I will happily be willing to commit to you.

So there you have it. Me and Climber Dude are giving things ago. And I'm happy about it. Very happy!

Oh Nooooo!!!

So, getting it on with The Ex's (now) wife's brother on the dance floor at the wedding reception of The Ex, while Climber Dude was watching, wasn't exactly in my plan.

Anyway, we will call him Army Hunk, because he's in the army and he's a hunk - I am so logical with my naming it's unbelieveable. I've got home from the weekend and Army Hunk has already added me on facebook, and he told me at the wedding he wanted to take me out. I thought he just wanted a snog but apparently he told the bestman that if I wanted to start "something" with him he'd like too! He's tall, dark, handsome, earns a fair bit and wants to start "something" with me....

Now, I'm a little stuck, he was really really sweet, I mean really sweet, like as we slow danced he wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him, he gently stroked my neck and behind my ear, he sang groovey kind of love quietly in my ear as we danced, and considering we'd both consumed rather a lot of alcohol and the kiss oh the kiss was slow and passionate, not sloppy at all and sparks were flying everywhere, it didn't really shock me that he's added me to facebook after that...

Now for the problem though...

Climber Dude: saw it all, why I should care I don't know, but I knew he was a little put out by the fact that I was snogging a guy so openly on the dancefloor - he's never seen me do that before.. Ever!!!

The Ex: I'm sure, will laugh at it all but still my find it a little odd for me to be dating his wife's brother..

The Ex's Wife: Has never really liked me because I'm the ex, I can't imagine her being at all pleased about me getting it on with her brother, or her brother's liking too me after this event.

So the guy I chose to get it on with at the wedding was the most complicated guy I could have chosen, the time I chose to get on with him was also not a good time! I'll get over those things, but will I get over the fact that actually regardless of those things, I'd like to see him again, and for someone who doesn't enjoy drama, and thinks it could end up being dramatic, and still wants to see him again, leaves me thinking who am I? and where is Gretta? Truth is I don't want it to be complicated, but this guy was good looking, sweet, caring, a great kisser and interested!!! Should I pass this up because of the other complications. Oh and Climber Dude said this to me "I wonder what people made of your behaviour at the wedding reception" my behaviour?? What??

I AM SINGLE BECAUSE YOU TURNED ME DOWN!

It's ok for me to have a little fun on the dance floor.....

Anyway, I fear I could rant and rave about this all night. Here's hoping Army Hunk does contact me and invite me out next time he's in the area, or better still I hope he comes to my area just for me.

The pic below is of me, intellect, best friend and another girl who I went to the wedding with... Can you guess which is me?? I liked it when Betty did that game..

Not ranting (a change in the wind).

Haven't heard from Climber Dude since Monday! I think he's finally giving me the space I need, and I feel better for it. It's his birthday tomorrow, and I bought him a card that I thought suited him ages ago, so I've decided to still give it to him but he's not getting a present.



Jerk Boy has his final exam today, so I may actually get to spend some time with him next week, looking forward to that feel we need a catch up, half of me wants to take him out for the whole day so we can both just kick back - I feel like I've been so stressed lately and I know he's had exam pressure so it would be good if we could do a daytrip or something. We'll see!



I feel good. I had a good night sleep. I'm going down for the long weekend tomorrow morning and I feel good. So, that's good too right. Holding head high, and moving on!

stressed!

Taking to a friend on msn who knows Climber Dude and the whole situation. She says he's told her bloke that after recent events he is now definitely going away he just doesn't know when. He'd already told me he was definitely going away and he just didn't know when. Him going away was always in the equation whether we got it on or not.

I dunno why but I am getting angrier and angrier at everything Climber Dude does. He's pushy and he doesn't get that I just want him to leave me alone. I am trying to move on. Soon, I'll start expecting his texts, and phone calls and when they stop I am gona be in an even worse place. He's been playing games with me the whole time and now I NEED him to stop.

After the wedding this weekend, if he's still been a pushy so and so. I am going to tell him to his face to back the fuck off. If he doesn't get the message then I really am gona be one twisted chick.

Ranting again.

I knew he'd be at the pub last night. I knew and I also knew I had to see him before next weekend.

Next weekend is my ex's wedding down on the coast. 7 of us are sharing a chelet and staying for the long bank holiday weekend. Climber Dude is one of them, he's a groomsman at the wedding.

So, at the pub last night he came over to me and rudely butted into the conversation I was having with a girl who I hadn't seen in ages.

CD: How was your day?

Gretta: Good

CD: I'm having some freinds round Wednesday night for a meal, you wana come.

Gretta: I'm busy Wednesday (which wasn't a lie, altho I could tell by the look on his face he thought it was).

CD: Right. So next weekend, you're going down with Best Friend and Hubby.

Gretta: Yep

CD: And Intellect is going?

Gretta: Yep

CD: Is Intellect staying the whole weekend?

Gretta: Yep she's staying the whole weekend (in a relieved tone).

Gretta: Right you sorted now?

CD: Sorted?

Gretta: yeah you got next weekend sorted in your mind?

CD: Yeah

Gretta: good *walks off*.

I didn't mean to come across as rude or aggressive, but he's just pissing me off. If I had butted into a conversation he was having he would have said something like that was very rude of me, but he knew I wouldn't speak to him unless he struck up a conversation in front of someone else. To invite me round for a meal to when I'm blatently keeping my distance. WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM.

That Boy!

Yesterday I log on to msn, he's online. I don't start a conversation with him then this happens..

Climber Dude: Hello

I ignore it

Climber Dude: Hey?

I continue to ignore

Climber Dude: H.E.L.L.O

I log off.

Later that night, while out bowling with Best Friend, her hubby, The Ex and his mate, Best friend and I have this conversation..

Gretta: He tried talking to me on msn this morning but I just logged off, maybe now he'll get the message?

Best Friend: What time was that? around 11.30?

Gretta: Yeah it was that time how did you know?

Best Friend: He called me but I missed his call, as soon as the saw the missed call I guessed it would be about you, I tried calling him back but I only let it ring twice just so he knew I'd tried.

Gretta: ahh ok.

Why is he calling Best Friend to discuss me? What does he think she's going to tell him that I haven't already. "She doesn't want to get into long conversation with you on msn, she doesn't have anything to say to you" Like.... Why doesn't he get it? Why???

Musings!

Climber Dude text me this morning. I don't get it, I tell him I don't want to get into a long msn conversation. He contacts me again and I say I don't have anything to say to him and then this morning I get another text, very simple wanting to know if I have any news about my next hospital appointment. I couldn't really ignore that as he's been there all along - so I text him back the latest but I didn't ask any questions or give him anymore than what he asked.

I get home from a great night wtih the girls and he's online, half of me wants to start a conversation with him, half of me knows that's really unwise, so we're both on msn, not saying a word to each other maybe he finally has the message. I should be happy but why am I not? I blame the alcohol.

4.5 years early!

Ok so I've done something I never thought I'd do before hitting 30.

I always said if I am still single at 30 then I'd get extra proactive about my singleness and try out the online dating scene. Online dating sites I always thought weren't for me. I knew Betty had tried with some odd responses and that only put me off more, although I salute Betty for all she does, she's my guru.

Anyhow, the otherday I thought fuck it, I'm not 30 but I'm nearing it every single day, so why wait until I'm 30 to do this whole online dating agency thing.

So I did a somewhat witty profile, I found a pretty lil pic of me (possibly the face pic I once emailed Scotty with). And I then decided that i'd play a little. First off I decided to send silly email to randomers from other countries, thought it would be safe to start playing around that way. Didn't get many replies. Didn't really have any expectations. Then I thought I'd try a little closer to home.

I found a handsome, I did. He lives about an hour and half away from me, he's in the 26 - 30age bracket but he also says he's in his last year of uni finishing this year, so I dunno really what that means, but I emailed him a one liner earlier today, and he replied with questions, this is good, I've now replied with questions. Let me tell you he's a 6.2foot hottie, I already know I may just have some fun with him....

Just 1 reason why my boss rocks....

ok so, he knows about the Climber Dude situation, he'd met him, he'd come into the office and wait to take me out for lunch if he was doing a late shift and sure enough the boss began getting suspect about this guy that was becoming a more frequent figure around the place between the hours of 12 and 1. So, I filled the boss in on everything and I told him about a song that I've had on repeat. I may have mentioned it, the Lucie Silvas song - if it's not what you're made of. Listen to it on youtube.

Anyhow, email from my boss who wasn't in the office....

Title: Your Song
Body: Sing it at the top of your voice while at your desk today
Attachment: Lucie Silvas - if it's not what you're made of - mp3 file.

My boss rocks.

Eye Candy

So from my office window I can see the pub across the road. Well, the roof of the pub across the road and not much more. As it so happens the pub across the road is having it's roof repaired so this week there has been 2 builders on the roof, one really old dude, one other guy I suspect to be in my age bracket.

The guy in my age bracket isn't all that, he has dark hair, a goatie, a tattoo on his left arm and he looks rough round the edges. But today he took his top off and his body was FIIIII NNNN EEEEEE..... SO fine.

He's also noticed me. Is it wrong that I'm tempted to boob flash him?

Self Preservation!

Today marks 1 week after "the chat" with Climber Dude.

He's text me once in that week. He's also started an msn convo with me that I promptly brought to a close. And that's it.

It's been a very successful week of avoiding Climber Dude. I had a moment on Saturday when I missed him, but I feel like that has really been the one day I can point out when I actually noticed him missing.

I've chatted to Jerk Boy a lot on the phone and that's helped. Best Friend has been emailing me in the work day and that's helped. And I've masterbated a fair bit and that's definitely helped a whole lot.

I bumped into one of the youth I used to work with the other day, he's 18 now but I did some work with him 4 years ago, as he was a bit of a troubled student. Anyway, turns out he's got into music college and is on the right track but he had this conversation with me and it made me chuckle and a much needed ego boost.

18 year old: Gretta you got a man?

Gretta: nope still single

18 year old: what's a great catch like you doing single

Gretta: Seems no one wants me not the end of the world

18 year old: I want you ;)

Gretta: Don't you think you're a bit young for me?

18 year old: No I think you'd look good on a young man ;)

Gretta: ok that's enough I still feel like your one of my community youth from the community youth project and this feels very wrong.

Was an ego boost at just the right time though...

Who's that boy?

I feel so much better these past few days. I've now taken advantage of not seeing Climber Dude, that's right. It's funny how even when not in a relationship you put your life on hold. Like someone will invite you somewhere and although every rule in the book is "don't turn them down and go" I still found myself hesitating just in case Climber Dude wanted to do something.

So last night I went round my parents and spent the evening with them - it was great just hanging with the olds. Then tonight a good girlfriend of mine cooked me a meal and it was great to catch up with her.

Tomorrow night is my ex's future wife's hen night, and yes she invited me! She doesn't like me, but I've decided to go anyway, other friends will be there and nothing quite beats a good hen night does it. I'm hoping to pull!!!!

So yeah Climber Dude - who's he???

In other news.

Jerk Boy has been adorable. Well, I haven't seen him, he's got exams at the moment but.... he told me if I needed him I could call him at any point and he'd take a break from revision to let me talk for a bit. So this evening I called him and said when you're done with your exams we should have a bacardi night. He agreed. We're gona have a drunken sleep over. I know it's sad but if I was with Climber Dude there is no way me and Jerk Boy would be having a drunken sleep over. I'm exciting it's gona be like being 16 all over again.

ok I'm sleepy time to sleep

Gretta x

Men can be mean!

This is going to be long and I don’t really know where to start.

I guess things went strange again in The Gambia last month.

The week after we got back, Climber Dude went to Scotland mountain climbing, so there was a bit of a contrast really. We went from spending every day and night together to not spending anytime at all. When he arrived back from Scotland, he text me the minute he got back and invited me over to see him. When I arrived at his place, he was still in his climbing gear, so I really was the first thing on his mind when he got home. Which obviously gave me reason to believe that he was interested in me.

Since then we’ve just spent loads of time together and got closer and closer. I had to go into hospital last week and had to go back to my folks to recover, he came round with chocolate and visited me and then when he left he said “shall we do dinner tomorrow night” to which I replied “sure”. Then I realised that he was working till 7 so it would be me cooking, so I thought I’d make a bit of an effort. He loves curry so I made my first curry from scratch, it was good, he knew I’d made an effort, and he was really appreciative. Every signal he was giving out was giving me the impression he wanted to be more than friends.

On Saturday he invited me over to his for a meal, and he too went all out, he did a Tunisian Lamb Dish that he’d never done before and he knows I LOVE lamb, again we had a great evening so I came away thinking, finally I feel like we’re heading towards a relationship, it sure as hell felt like it.

Sunday night, he invited me to see a band, he knew I'd like the music so along I went.

Anyway, back to the point, in the car on the way back he said “I’m hungry” and I said “I could eat I’ve not had dinner so why don’t we stop for food” then he said “I’m also tired” so I was like “ok, well what wins hunger? Or tiredness?” and he was like “tiredness”. This is strange and I knew it was odd because he just hasn’t been like that for ages, to avoid spending time with me and usually when we go somewhere he’ll always stop in for a cuppa when he gets to my house and he had no intention of doing that.

So on Sunday night I was left REALLY confused. The last week I’ve been thinking we were A LOT closer than ever before, that we were getting on really well much better than “just” friends and then on Sunday it felt as if he was backing away. I decided that I wouldn’t contact him and I’ll leave it up to him.

Didn’t hear from him on Bank Holiday Monday, but then Tuesday he texts me and is like “It’s a lovely day shall we go for a walk and then stop by a pub. Sounded great so we went for a walk, then stopped by a pub and had a beer, got into a real deep and meaningful at the pub about our past relationships and stuff and it felt like we’d been nattering for ages and had completely forgotten about our surroundings, he picked up a takeaway and came back to my place and this is when I decided that it was time to figure out what was going on. Remember that we’ve been in a similar situation before and remember still no physical contact bar a bit of a cuddle, not even a snog but mainly becuase he seems so nervous around me when I start flirting....

Gretta: Climber Dude? We’re ok aren’t we?

Climber Dude: What do you mean?

Gretta: You know what I mean

Climber Dude: No... What do you mean?

Gretta: Well, what’s going on with us? I feel like we’re getting closer and closer and to be honest I can’t read you very well. One day I think you’re interested in being more than friends and I want to seal the deal, the next I think you don’t even like me as a friend, you’re sending out mixed signals left, right and centre and to be honest I’m just getting bored of asking the same questions in my head so now I’m asking you.

There was a silence. The longest, most painful silence in the world. The sort of silence that you know will not have a good outcome!

Climber Dude: I don’t want a relationship at the moment.

Gretta: Why? Because you’re not interested in me!

Climber Dude: No. It’s a shame really because I fancy you, I find you attractive, I really enjoy spending time with you but there is something that holds me back. It’s a shame a real shame.

I can see his thoughts ticking over in his head, I can see that what he’s saying doesn’t make sense to him, I can see that he’s asking himself the same questions, he fancies me, he finds me attractive, he enjoys spending time with me, so why doesn’t he want us to be in a relationship and I can see that he doesn’t know how to answer that question.

Gretta: that kind of tells me all I need to know. You’re just not that interested in me and that’s fine but I need to know because I can’t continue to go round in these circles, we’ve been here before and I really don’t want to be here again a few months down the line so it’s time to move on.

Climber Dude: It’s just odd because I’ve fancied you since the moment we met. I remember the first day we met. I know it sounds like I’ve been leading you on but truth is I have been “exploring” to see if we can be more than friends, it’s obviously something I’ve been thinking about for ages. I really enjoy spending time with you and I don’t want to stop

Gretta: That’s not fair. I’ve been analysing things for months, and part of the reason is because of the amount of time we’ve been spending together. I’m an extremely loyal person and you know that. If I were to meet someone else and we were still hanging out the way we do it would be really hard for me – a. Because even though we’re “just” friends, I would feel like i’d be betraying you because of spending time with someone else and b. How do you think they’d feel knowing that I’m hanging out with another guy. It’s just not really ideal for us to continue spending time together the way we are.

Climber Dude: I guess the balls in your court then. And Gretta you do realise I’m the most indecisive person and I might change my mind at any point. I will miss hanging out with you and if you ask me to hang out I will because I enjoy your company.

Gretta: That is really unfair, for you to say you’re indecisive and could change your mind at any point.

I’m sure we chatted a lot more than that but I wanted to fill you in on some of the things he said that made no sense to me like “I’ve fancied you since the moment we met” “I find you attractive, I fancy you and really enjoy spending time with you” those things make me think “what the heck is the problem, a lot married people don’t fancy each other” and then to say “I’m indecisive and could change my mind” just makes me think he’s scared to lose me but to not be able to make a commitment is just such a ridiculous situation. I started thinking that maybe in my head I’d made it all up but I didn’t he gave me every reason to believe that he had feelings for me, so I’m just angry now. I haven't text him, emailed him, seen or spoken to him since Tuesday... I'm mad at him I can't help it. I feel used and abused. Funny thing is I feel clear about the situation, I can't go backwards now and no corners have been turned so as far as I'm concerned we'er at the point of no return. He has lost more than me, I've lost a guy who wont commit, he's lost a girl with GREAT POTENTIAL.

I am a little mad at myself too, there was something between us before so it was always risky spending so much time with him and I did chose to so that was my fault but for him but for him to say some of the things he said but not follow throught, is just really mean of him. Really mean.

Last night

Well,



We sat on the same sofe, I flirted, he flirted a little,



BUT STILL NOTHING BLOODY HAPPENED!!!!!



At about 12.30am he suggested that I stay over and not drive home, he was willing to sleep on the sofa and give up his bed for me - such the gentleman I don't want him to be. Nice that he was so willing though but I hadn't had a drink so said I'd drive home and decided to leave.



He's picking me up this evening and we're meeting up with some friends, soooooooooooo who knows maybe tonight I'll discuss what's going on with us.



Oh and the dinner he cooked a Tunisian Lamb Dish, he went to loads of effort and it was REALLY good. So, he can cook me some super dooper dinner, but he can't kiss me... Why the heck is that?

Is tonight the night? or will the chair get gold

Climber Dude has invited me round for dinner tonight. On a Saturday night. He wants to cook me dinner on a Saturday night. That has to be a good thing right?

After a night with the girls last night, Best Friend and another girl, they both are telling me that at some point me and Climber Dude will have to have it out. They think I should try and bring it up tonight. It was quite funny, I explained the situation to them, that when we hang out we don't sit on the same sofa so physical contact is really difficult, and although some of his actions make me think he likes me, other actions make me believe he doesn't. I explained that physical contact is important to me but how to initiate it when he chooses to sit as far away from me as possible is sooo much harder than I'd ever imagined. In the past me initiating the physical had never been a problem...

So the girls were trying to come up with ways I can at least get him on the same sofa as me. These girls are both married so they've been out of the dating in game for some time, I think they quite enjoy my humorous dating disasters and they always tell me that they miss some of the freedoms of being single. However, when you like someone, the last thing you want is the freedoms of being single you want to be with that person.

Anyhow like I said they were trying to come up with ways I could get him to sit on the same sofa as me. You see at his place he has what he calls "his chair". Why men get possessive about chairs I don't know but think about Joey and Chandler in Friends for a second and you catch my drift.

Way 1

When you arrive put you bag on his chair so he can't sit there.

Well, in theory that sounds fine, but in reality he's just going to move my stuff and sit down.

Way 2

Sit on his chair, then get up to use the loo and when you come back down sit on the same sofa as him

Again, while I'm in the bathroom he'll probably just get up and sit on his chair.

Way 3

Accidentally spill water on his chair

I'm all for trying to get him closer to me but to have to spill water on his furniture to achieve this sounds just a little extreme as did their next suggestion

Way 4

Take a hammer to the chair

Useful girls

Way 5

Take some photos and sit down on the sofa and ask him to come and look at the photos with you

This is by far the best idea, but Climber Dude has seen most of my good photos on facebook anyway, so I don't know waht I can show him

Way 6

Best Friend says: Take some of my photos to show him, he'll be like "Gretta why are you showing me photos of Best Friend" and you can be like "actually I just wanted to use them to get you on the same sofa as me so I can seduce you". Somehow I think he'll then finally get the hint.

Not a bad idea, one I'd consider but still maybe just a little extreme.


I must admit I like the photo ideas the best, and if he hadn't already seen my photos that would have been a good option. However, there is another option and I've thought about it since I left the girls last night so I've not managed to get their opinion.

A few years ago, when Climber Dude was off Climbing mountains on his own in the middle of France, I told him he should send me postcards at every chance he got. This was probably the first indication he had feeling for me. Yes I said years ago. He did send me postcards I have about 5 from him from that trip, and me being the girl I am kept those postcards, and of course I've always known where I put them, safe keeping. So what I could do is say "hey let me show you something look what I found today - the postcards you sent me from your trip" I'm sure he'd quite enjoy reading over the things he wrote to me at that time too. And he'll then know I kept the postcards and moreso know that I want things to go further, and he'll hopefully be on the same sofa as me....

Still unsure if it's too obvious!!! Maybe I should consult my girls.

Random thoughts

How do I put this...

When it has come to guys I’m not too shy but there is an exception, I’m not shy if I know that the guy wants what I want, a little harmless flirtation, a cuddle while watching a film, a quick snog on the dance floor. I’m not someone to put myself out there with anyone, I like to be in a “relationship” to do that. Only issue being I’m shy of the people that I think would be more of a harmless flirtation because flirting with this person would mean that if it went wrong I may get hurt or worse they may get hurt, I won’t cuddle watching a film just in case it turns into more than a cuddle and what if I end up hurt or worse, they end up hurt, and I won’t snog on the dance floor if I expect it’ll turn into more and someone, most likely me but possibly them will get hurt.

So, this is the issue, this is why when Climber Dude (Chap) came over for a meal last night, and when we sat down to watch a film after I couldn’t bring myself to sit on the same couch as him. This is why when I flirt or he flirts I end up putting blunt stops to it, this is why when I see him out of my front door I can’t seem to grab him, pull him to me and snog his face off like I so want to do.

I have been thinking about how easy it all was with Flatmate, how I could work my stuff and get exactly what I wanted. Don’t fear I don’t want Flatmate back, but why I can’t work my stuff with Climber Dude the way I did with Flatmate I can’t really quite figure out. I know Flatmate was a safe option, unavailable, easy, a little bit of fun. I know that. But I want what Climber Dude has to offer so why is it so hard, why don’t I feel comfortable enough to seal the deal. Is it because I fear commitment? Is it because he is available? Or is it just because it’s not right? I actually don’t think it’s any of those things. I don’t think I do fear commitment, I don’t mind that he’s free and single, I do think that as soon as we take the step from friendship to relationship it will work and we’d both be happy. So, why can’t I make that step and more to the point why can’t he?

A little insight

into why Climber Dude is so hard to shake off!!!