Monday, November 30, 2009

My life...

SO I think CD has the message he's been on and off facebook all day today and he didn't try and start a conversation with me. I'm glad. Today has been a hard day for me. Someone asked me some questions about me and CD over the weekend, and I've just felt a bit weak ever since, like I miss him today. I almost emailed him twice this morning but stopped myself and then when he appeared on facebook I wanted him to talk to me, but I'm glad he didn't because if he'd talked to me today, today I would have talked back and taht wouldn't have been good for either of us.

I'm 27 years old, I decided to travel instead of go to Uni, I live with my parents due to some financial issues with my old flat, I have no boyfriend, I'm not enjoying my job a the moment and I feel a little lost.

In 3 years time I'm going to be 30 and I still feel like a kid at high school not quite knowing what I'm meant to be doing today or in 3 years time.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

2 months on..

I know break-ups aren’t the easiest of things. In fact they’re pretty darn difficult even when the decision is mutual.

CD and I broke up officially on the 1st Oct although I would say my mind was made up on the 28th September. So given that – we’ve practically been a part for 2 months.

When he turned up at my door unexpectedly 2 weeks ago, I handled it well, he told me he was just in the area so thought he’d pop by, I told him I was sorry but I was just on my way out. Which clearly I wasn’t but nor did I want to spend any alone time with him.

I can deal with the odd text he sends, the odd email I get, the odd bag of vegetables he seems to insist on giving me. I can deal with those things.

I found it slightly bizarre when he offered to drive me to the organisation we both volunteer for, for a meeting to which I responded I can drive myself.

Today, he turned up at my place of work, thankfully I’d arranged to meet a friend for lunch and had gone for lunch already, and my boss told him I wasn’t around today, my boss can be soo good sometimes.

At first I made excuses for him –

I helped on the allotment it’s understandable he wants to give me veges.

Maybe he was just in the area and he was just ‘popping’ in.

It’s just a friendly text/email he doesn't mean anything by it

We used to drive to the organisation we volunteer at together maybe he just wanted to make sure I didn’t need a lift.

But to turn up at work, during the day, clearly wanting to go out for lunch as it was lunch time.

I don’t think I can make any more excuses, CD the same man that said “He’s not sure if he is in love with me, he just doesn’t know” is clearly showing similar signs to this time last year when he wanted me back.

I wouldn’t have ended our relationship if I just thought 3 months down the line we’d get back together, I’m sure he probably thinks he can wear me down, he did last time it’s not unusual to think he could do it again.


I do miss him at times, so I’m sure as heck he misses me as I certainly gave more than I got in the relationship and maybe all of the above is just because he misses me, misses the friendship - maybe well just be. But...

I don’t care about the ins and outs all I know is I still deserve better. I certainly will be avoiding any alone time with CD. When it comes to girls that guy is clearly UNSTABLE. Part of me wonders what sort of nerve he has to even be willing to play these games with me the other part of me knows break-ups aren't easy and considering we were on/off for over 2 years.


It's kind of understandable really I mean - I am brilliant and was probably the best girlfriend he ever had or will have and if that's not enough I'm beautiful, sexy, kinky, respectful, smart, loving, funny, ditzy, upbeat, positive, generous, thoughtful and genuine.


Yep, I'd want me back if I foolishly let me go.

Friday, November 13, 2009

It's just the bitch in me.

come on all girls have an inner bitch

and today the bitch in me is smiling because it's only lunch time and everything in my diary is ticked off and I can hear my miserable moany, whinging colleague saying "ahh time it's just slipping away" she's so busy and I am so not. *Evil giggles*.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

What a girl wants!

Hot stuff left me a message on a comment on facebook. Since the wedding he has been in contact more than ever before, but it's not enough contact to figure him out and it's frustrating me.

Right now i've got The Player giving me enough interest for me to know he's interested but truth is I'd like Hot Stuff to be making that amount of effort. I know hot stuff will be better for me than the player.

Have you heard of the player before, I'm sure you should have done as I've been in contact with him for year, but since splitting with CD he's made a whole heap more contact.

Ok here's what I want, I want to up the contact with Hot Stuff just to get to know him better. I'm not really bothered about Player but he's an option of Hot Stuff doesn't sort himself out. 1 minute I think he's interested the next minute he's not - talk about mixed signals!!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Player...

I don't know what I've got myself into. Well, I kind of do. I've got myself involved with a male Gretta only issue it's a male which is a male gretta enhanced by about 50%.

He's the biggest player ever, and he's good looking, and I know he's be a good fuck, but I know he'd be very bad for stability, although he has a good job, a nice car, a house, but I know that he's a huge player but I'm loving his attention and I'm real flattered.

He's said he's gona visit in December. Part of me wants it, part of me knows it will be bad for me.

The battle in my mind, it's like that angel and devil playing havoc again.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Vegetables.......

So CD gave me my second bag of vegetables the other day since we broke up.

I kind of understand but I didn't fully understand. You see he had an allotment on the grounds of where he worked and it was kind of "our" allotment, something we did together as a couple, something that we spent time doing. As it was on his grounds at work he did the most work on it but I'd occasionally go and help on an evening or weekend and we always had a nice time together on there.

So now he's harvesting some stuff I understand. However, after the first bag I didn't expect anymore. The second bag just felt a bit weird. When he gave them to me, my friend told me that I sounded ungrateful in my response.

So I emailed him and said

"I'm sorry if I sounded ungrateful, I am thankful for them but the first bag you gave me I couldn't get through, and as my folks are away at the mometn I'm eating for one. I don't want you to waste them so please don't feel obliged to keep giving me vegetables".

It felt like one of the funniest emails I'd ever written.

His response was....

"hey Gretta

thanks for saying i dont have to give you any vegetables. i dont feel i have to, i kind of want to. i feel its right as you cared for them. and feel its nice to give friends vegetables.

also im not goin to eat a jungle of cabbages!!!

CD.."

Truth is it wasn't the vegetables that I cared for, and by him giving them to me, it's a reminder of the past I'm moving on from. How do I explain that without offending or getting into a deep and meaningful. Guess I'll just have to accept that him giving me vegetables might be his way of saying we're friends. Who knows!!!


Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Now where did I get to?

Ok so now Hot Stuff has started messaging me again, bit confused about that one, and The Player has gone quiet bar the fact that he wants to come and visit in December.

And yey yey yey - Teddy is in touch and saying he has a new job which might require him working in the UK at some point. It all sounds awfully suspicious.

But the best part of all, is I'm loving my singleness right now. Yes baby.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Blah...

Hot Stuff emailed me back and told me he can't make the whole of November. I now know he's not that into me.

However, it would seem The Player is into me. He seems to have taken up calling me weekly.

Blah, why do I never get the man I want?

Saw CD earlier today, didn't talk to him, wasn't in the mood.