Men can be mean!

This is going to be long and I don’t really know where to start.

I guess things went strange again in The Gambia last month.

The week after we got back, Climber Dude went to Scotland mountain climbing, so there was a bit of a contrast really. We went from spending every day and night together to not spending anytime at all. When he arrived back from Scotland, he text me the minute he got back and invited me over to see him. When I arrived at his place, he was still in his climbing gear, so I really was the first thing on his mind when he got home. Which obviously gave me reason to believe that he was interested in me.

Since then we’ve just spent loads of time together and got closer and closer. I had to go into hospital last week and had to go back to my folks to recover, he came round with chocolate and visited me and then when he left he said “shall we do dinner tomorrow night” to which I replied “sure”. Then I realised that he was working till 7 so it would be me cooking, so I thought I’d make a bit of an effort. He loves curry so I made my first curry from scratch, it was good, he knew I’d made an effort, and he was really appreciative. Every signal he was giving out was giving me the impression he wanted to be more than friends.

On Saturday he invited me over to his for a meal, and he too went all out, he did a Tunisian Lamb Dish that he’d never done before and he knows I LOVE lamb, again we had a great evening so I came away thinking, finally I feel like we’re heading towards a relationship, it sure as hell felt like it.

Sunday night, he invited me to see a band, he knew I'd like the music so along I went.

Anyway, back to the point, in the car on the way back he said “I’m hungry” and I said “I could eat I’ve not had dinner so why don’t we stop for food” then he said “I’m also tired” so I was like “ok, well what wins hunger? Or tiredness?” and he was like “tiredness”. This is strange and I knew it was odd because he just hasn’t been like that for ages, to avoid spending time with me and usually when we go somewhere he’ll always stop in for a cuppa when he gets to my house and he had no intention of doing that.

So on Sunday night I was left REALLY confused. The last week I’ve been thinking we were A LOT closer than ever before, that we were getting on really well much better than “just” friends and then on Sunday it felt as if he was backing away. I decided that I wouldn’t contact him and I’ll leave it up to him.

Didn’t hear from him on Bank Holiday Monday, but then Tuesday he texts me and is like “It’s a lovely day shall we go for a walk and then stop by a pub. Sounded great so we went for a walk, then stopped by a pub and had a beer, got into a real deep and meaningful at the pub about our past relationships and stuff and it felt like we’d been nattering for ages and had completely forgotten about our surroundings, he picked up a takeaway and came back to my place and this is when I decided that it was time to figure out what was going on. Remember that we’ve been in a similar situation before and remember still no physical contact bar a bit of a cuddle, not even a snog but mainly becuase he seems so nervous around me when I start flirting....

Gretta: Climber Dude? We’re ok aren’t we?

Climber Dude: What do you mean?

Gretta: You know what I mean

Climber Dude: No... What do you mean?

Gretta: Well, what’s going on with us? I feel like we’re getting closer and closer and to be honest I can’t read you very well. One day I think you’re interested in being more than friends and I want to seal the deal, the next I think you don’t even like me as a friend, you’re sending out mixed signals left, right and centre and to be honest I’m just getting bored of asking the same questions in my head so now I’m asking you.

There was a silence. The longest, most painful silence in the world. The sort of silence that you know will not have a good outcome!

Climber Dude: I don’t want a relationship at the moment.

Gretta: Why? Because you’re not interested in me!

Climber Dude: No. It’s a shame really because I fancy you, I find you attractive, I really enjoy spending time with you but there is something that holds me back. It’s a shame a real shame.

I can see his thoughts ticking over in his head, I can see that what he’s saying doesn’t make sense to him, I can see that he’s asking himself the same questions, he fancies me, he finds me attractive, he enjoys spending time with me, so why doesn’t he want us to be in a relationship and I can see that he doesn’t know how to answer that question.

Gretta: that kind of tells me all I need to know. You’re just not that interested in me and that’s fine but I need to know because I can’t continue to go round in these circles, we’ve been here before and I really don’t want to be here again a few months down the line so it’s time to move on.

Climber Dude: It’s just odd because I’ve fancied you since the moment we met. I remember the first day we met. I know it sounds like I’ve been leading you on but truth is I have been “exploring” to see if we can be more than friends, it’s obviously something I’ve been thinking about for ages. I really enjoy spending time with you and I don’t want to stop

Gretta: That’s not fair. I’ve been analysing things for months, and part of the reason is because of the amount of time we’ve been spending together. I’m an extremely loyal person and you know that. If I were to meet someone else and we were still hanging out the way we do it would be really hard for me – a. Because even though we’re “just” friends, I would feel like i’d be betraying you because of spending time with someone else and b. How do you think they’d feel knowing that I’m hanging out with another guy. It’s just not really ideal for us to continue spending time together the way we are.

Climber Dude: I guess the balls in your court then. And Gretta you do realise I’m the most indecisive person and I might change my mind at any point. I will miss hanging out with you and if you ask me to hang out I will because I enjoy your company.

Gretta: That is really unfair, for you to say you’re indecisive and could change your mind at any point.

I’m sure we chatted a lot more than that but I wanted to fill you in on some of the things he said that made no sense to me like “I’ve fancied you since the moment we met” “I find you attractive, I fancy you and really enjoy spending time with you” those things make me think “what the heck is the problem, a lot married people don’t fancy each other” and then to say “I’m indecisive and could change my mind” just makes me think he’s scared to lose me but to not be able to make a commitment is just such a ridiculous situation. I started thinking that maybe in my head I’d made it all up but I didn’t he gave me every reason to believe that he had feelings for me, so I’m just angry now. I haven't text him, emailed him, seen or spoken to him since Tuesday... I'm mad at him I can't help it. I feel used and abused. Funny thing is I feel clear about the situation, I can't go backwards now and no corners have been turned so as far as I'm concerned we'er at the point of no return. He has lost more than me, I've lost a guy who wont commit, he's lost a girl with GREAT POTENTIAL.

I am a little mad at myself too, there was something between us before so it was always risky spending so much time with him and I did chose to so that was my fault but for him but for him to say some of the things he said but not follow throught, is just really mean of him. Really mean.