A friend but never more.

I went to visit some friends this weekend who thankfully live in another city and nowhere close by. After all the antics this week it was perfectly planned. Even being away didn't shelter me from the usual Saturday texts from Jerk Boy - it's as if I could schedule them in now I know exactly when they're coming. I told him all of my problems on the texts, and he must have realised I was vulnerable because he replied to every text and I guess he did that manly thing of trying to fix something that was broken but I was so relieved to have his support in the situation that I didn't care. I ended up texting him this morning to say thank you and he replied saying no problem. He is a good friend and I've always been abled to rely on him in a crisis. I am feeling that things are all a bit clearer now and don't worry this isn't the start of anything between me and Jerk Boy - it's just I needed a friend and he happened to be that friend.

Pig doesn't do the bitch justice.

I got pulled up by the boss today. LOL LOL LOL. I am finding it hilarious now (after a few vodkas) but at the time it just wasn't quite as funny.

The boss has a daughter that I sometimes have to work with - you know families really shouldn't work in the same place there should be a law against it. Anyway bosses daughter is young, shite at her job and a real BITCH. I mean majorly to the extreme bitch. She walks around with the 'I am the manager's daughter' attitude, hands on hips, face like thunder and as if everyone else is beneath her and really she is a little immature monster.

Anyway, yesterday bosses daughter comes in office with another young colleague and they start really laying into one of the new girls

The bitch daughter: "Have you seen the new girl, she's such a show off and a try hard"

Gretta: "I think you're being a bit mean"

The bitch daughter: "well, I don't like her so I can say what I want"

Gretta: "She's not here to defend herself, she's new and doesn't know anyone, you wouldn't like it if it was you being talked about behind your back"

The bitch daughter: "People do talk about me behind my back"

Gretta: "How do you know if it's behind your back?"

The bitch daughter: "People tell me"

Gretta: "People stir. Now stop being such a pig and try to remember what it's like to be new and not know anyone"

I know I sounded like a teacher and seriously the word pig was by far not a strong enough insult for the situation - there are many names I would have much rather used.

So the boss calls me in to see him. Me and the boss we have a great relationship in general but the Bitch Daughter has totally blinded the man.

Boss: "Gretta, my daughter tells me you called her a pig"

Gretta: "I called her mean, oh yes I think I called her a pig too"

Boss: "Gretta it's not because she's my daughter but in general I don't think it's a good thing to use language like that around the office - it's unprofessional"

Gretta: "Did she tell you why I called her a pig?"

Boss: "No she told her mother who then informed me"

Gretta: "ok well the reason I called her a pig is because and I don't mean to be rude but she was being very 'pigish' "

I explained the situation and he wasn't at all impressed with bitch daughter and I think will be having words with her too, serves her right for messing with me I can't believe she ran to mummy knowing full well mummy would tell daddy, but still I must not use that kind of language again. I was fuming all afternoon and refused to do any work for the final 2 hours in protest.

Checking in and checking out.

There's not much to blog about really. It's feeble I know but I've always used this blog as somewhere to blog about my love life and I feel so free from the grasp of Jerk Boy at the moment that I can hardly believe it myself. Yet with my head free from him and with no one else on the scene there isn't much really to say at all.

I went out with the girls Friday night and got chatted up by 4 guys, but they all had their flaws.

Guy 1 = Totally weird and possibly on drugs.

Guy 2 = Quite cute and very charming but didn't quite know what to do, he always seemed on the verge of pulling me but then chickening out at the last minute like there was something holding him back, probably a girlfriend.

Guy 3 = Old

Guy 4 = Ancient.

Maybe, I'll find something interesting to blog about soon.

*wipes away tears*

As most of you know I have been speaking online to Batman about once a week for the last couple of months. Batman and I have been having webcam conversations and he is absolutely gorgeous. Extremely easy on the eye. I always comment on how cocky and vain he is. Which he is but last night he completely surprised me. We were watching some online videos together on you tube and we were watching one video which was particularly traumatic and I'd watched it before and got teary but the next thing I know I am looking at his webcam pic and the boy is in tears and he had to get up and go and blow his nose. I was shocked by this. He's gorgeous, vain and yet I did never expect him to be so sensitive. He certainly shocked me but I'll tell you what I am very attracted to him now. I can't believe he allowed me to see him cry. Shocker.

On the right track (at last).

Last night was bizarrio to the maximus. I was invited round a (married) couple's house that I am great friends with. Anyway, who was to turn up while I was there, that's right none other then Jerk Boy. Great. It was different and it was good different, I didn't feel anything towards him. I didn't feel ST, I didn't feel anger, I didn't feel anything. You know what I think I am moving on and I am not scared.

Dedicated to my someone.

My Someone - He is a better man than Jerk Boy could ever ever be. He is a better man than probably every single guy to have ever entered my life. I came to grips with the facts though - I had too,

Fact 1: He was an online crush that lasted nearly 5 years.

Fact 2: He lived half way across the world

Fact 3: Whatever happened between us because of who we both were and how we valued friendship and loyalty we'd always be friends and probably ONLY friends.

Fact 4: By the time I did get my arse in gear to meet him he'd met someone else, someone who was beautiful, lived in the same country and right for him in everyway.

Fact 5: When we did meet I realised instantly that he wasn't at all what I would want and how relieved I was that we were just friends.

Fact 6: He's now buying a house with his beautiful girl

Fact 7: He's getting a ring made to go on the beautiful's girls finger as we speak.

However, even with all these facts, he's always held a special place in my heart as the man that could have had all of it, and the man that was worth all of it and the man that made me feel that I was extremely valuable to him.

Why am I bringing up my someone today? Well, I am bringing him up because today in the post I received a letter from my someone. This shocked me because, back in the day when he was single we used to be penpals and write to each other all the time. There was a period when he had no internet access and we remained in contact via the post completely. Then when he got the internet back we still wrote occasionally but not as much, and then our writing just happened at Christmas because that is what happens isn't it? It just kind of fades out but because we speak to each other so often online - even now. Writing at Christmas just seems the right thing to do.

He'd not only sent me a letter, but he'd sent me an unexpected gift at an unexpected time. You know what, by receiving that today it just made me remember how much he valued our friendship, how he appreciated me, and how he loved me as a friend and how he still values me, he still appreciates me and how he still loves me as a friend. I am glad he's happy and he's found his someone and I am overwelmed that he chose not to forget the 5 year friendship we'd built even after finding his someone and with that happiness. I just hope that there are more like my someone out there, because if there truly is, I'd give them my heart and more.

Knowingly, smug and happy about it.

After a silly hectic day yesterday, this afternoon seems to be silly quiet. I can't complain though I needed a bit of quiet after the storm of a day I had yesterday.

As I was so determined to rant my arse off yesterday I forgot to mention I had received a very strange email from Bouncer. It was a reply to an email I sent to him over a week ago.

He said to me I should go to his city, as in the email I had sent him before I was complaining about life in my city and 'apparently' his city is completely different!?! He didn't directly invite me to visit him although I can't help but think that is what he was hinting! I never imagined Bouncer as a hinter though. I'd actually love to visit him and his city and go and hang out for a few days but until he actually says "Gretta do you wana come and visit?" rather then "Gretta you should come to my city we have none of those problems you mentioned that your city has"

I responded to the email but chose not to mention anything about the differences between our cities, if he wants me to visit he is really going to have to be a lot clearer.

I still haven't spoken or heard from Jerk Boy since the trouble on Sat night. I actually feel in a good place about things. He's working in a different department, and has different hours, so our paths don't cross as much in work and the next deadline I need to work with him on isn't until December so at this present moment in time there is no need to email or anything - which makes my life a heck of a lot easier. It's all going good on that front at the moment, aren't you relieved and I am probably not going to invite him out much anymore even tho we have the same friends, if he can't spend time with me alone why should I invite him to group stuff?

Tiresome...

Who needs an evening work meeting that means you don't get home until 10.50pm on a Monday night? Gretta is your answer (apparently). I hate unsociable hours, I think they should be sent to hell never to be seen again.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

So, much stuff has gone down at the office today it's unbelievable. The one thing is I have been so hectic that I haven't had a second chance to even think about that Tosser Jerk Boy. Just drinking alcohol in hope of a good night sleep - the stuff going round in my mind need not be there. I knew my job wouldn't be easy but I never expected it to be quite THIS hard. And to think that everyday my JD gets bigger. It seems that there is a clause in my JD that says Gretta will do everything, at anytime of day and deal with anybody whether they are English or Skandinavian (I can't even spell scandinavian) whether they can communicate or whether they should have been born blonde because they are ditzy as a 70s Abba lookalike and don't understand simple phrases like we want to find you support for the big job we've given you we DON'T want to sack you, shuddabe blonde goes away thinking they're gona sack me, NO THEY'RE NOT. And oh yeah Gretta for good measure will chuck in a teenager for you to deal with who hates her parents and are claiming they bruised her head by chucking a shoe at it, she's probably making it up but just in case she's not can you deal with it? SURE.

I am so underpaid.

Pissed off to the extreme.

Jerk Boy has pissed me right off this weekend. His head is so far up his own arse I actually sometimes have to ask myself if it might pop out of his stomach with his intestines wrapped around his neck - now wouldn't that be a blessing in disguise as something from an Alien movie. Oh he's just such a tosser sometimes.

In other news I went to my local Thursday night and there was a new barman. That toally had the hots for me and I found him very sweet so flirted my little pretty face off and managed to get a free plastic England football supporting hat out of him. I love getting stuff off men even if it is just a plastic hat. I actually left it in the pub, but this guy had amazing dimples and he was quite cute so I took a shine to him, obviously. May have to pop back next Thursday and see if he's working.

I was chatting to Batman online yesterday, he's something else you know. Very much the player I always assumed him to be yet he his naughty side and that side is very sexy. He's so wrong, wrong,wrong and an online guy, that isn't what I want at all. NO GRETTA BEHAVE.

Back to Tosser, head up arse Jerk Boy. He pisses me off. So this weekend, surprise, surprise the texts start again. I'd invited a group of friends over my place and before he agrees to come over he has to check who is going to be there, when I said actually only 2 people have said they "might" come as the other 7 people are busy he then says "oh I don't think I'll come then". Yet, he doesn't come but he then decided to text me all frigging night long. The 2 people did turn up who said they might and I refused to let him know, he was the last person I wanted to see. I understand him not wantinrisk alone time with me but then to spend the whole night texting me - it's ok for me to be abitpissed off and confused right? Because to me that boy makes absolutely no sense.

If you find a head - It's probably mine.

The past few days have been a tough few days for me. I can't really explain where my head has been but it's not been attached to my body that's for sure.

I've only heard from Jerk Boy via email and text it's been all project related, no flirting, no checking up on each other, no dodgeyness - which I should be happy about right? We've had some issues at work. Communication between our managers hasn't been very good and while Jerk Boy's manager is unhappy with Jerk Boy for not being a team player, my manager has nothing but good words for him after he managed to keep a deadline that was vitally important for this department. His team was slowing the process down so after my nagging he did it alone. So, I have basically got Jerk Boy out of trouble with his manager by explaining the situation to my manager, yet in doing that I've got pretty much his whole team in the brown stuff. If they find out I don't think I am going to be the most popular of people around here. Ooops.

To top things off that sore throat I used as an excuse to get out of the date with Climber Dude seems to be manifesting itself. I have been tempted to ring the docs. If it gets worse I mayjust have to i feel a bit rough. Anyway, in other news I am going to hit the shops tonight and try and attack my Christmas shopping some more. Also meeting a girlfriend tomorrow night for some fun, fun was promised, fun I'm gona have.. Muhahahahahahaaaa.

10 things I look for in a man...

1. Good shoulders (you knew that was coming right?). Inviting shoulders that I can rest my head on.

2. Being able to touch my feet with no problem at all, massage them, rub them, sit on them to keep them warm and do it without moaning... (Hmmmmmmm)

3. Be able to make me laugh, especially when I am down.

4. A positive outlook in life (I guess this blog is as far off a true representation of me as possible because it's my secret love life that I write about here but in 'real' life. I try to see the good in everything and everybody - positivity could have been my middle name) I don't want a negative man dragging me down.

5. Someone who is able to be firm without being agressive. Someone who can say "Gretta I think you've taken that too far, or Gretta that wasn't very caring of you" but in away that doesn't make me feel ashamed.

6. Someone I can be comfortable around.

7. A smile that melts the guts inside of me and eyes that sparkle with delight.

8. Someone who values friendship and loyalty

9. Not pushy someone who doesn't push me, someone who understands that I just take things at my pace pushing me faster will in fact get me and you nowhere.

10. Someone who is driven and punctual.

I'm getting wise for Christmas Jerk Boy is getting an alarm clock.

Jerk Boy was on form this weekend. He started the now routine text Saturday and then he even text me at about 1am to ask me if I could send him a text to wake him up in the morning as he had to get up to do something. He knows I ‘generally’ wake-up early so I know that’s the reason he asked me to do it but still to actually have the nerve, I mean has he not heard of an alarm clock?!?!?!?!?. THAT BOY. So I text him to wake him up but he didn’t specify a time so I text him before 7am haha serves him right. Then Sunday night I met up with a couple I know and Jerk Boy was there. Great it only bloody well looked like a double date didn’t it. We all knew it wasn’t. Anyway while I was there I made a phone call to home to make sure that no one recorded over my video that I had left in the machine and for someone to take it out as I wanted to watch the programme when I got home.

Then OH MY GOD did Jerk Boy start hinting for an invite back to mine to watch the video with me. I decided not to play his game as last weekend if you remember I did invite him round and he made excuses. So, I am ‘guessing’ it was just a ploy to see if I would ask for him to come back, so he could then turn around and say no. So I didn’t ask. I do worry though because he was certainly hanging about as if expecting an invite. Then this was the worst bit ever, he caught my eye and held the gaze. I totally freaked and turned away. I looked back and he was still freaking looking. What the hell is he playing at. Anyhow, I came home alone, more annoyed at him than anything else. Sometimes I really believe he isn’t playing games with me and other times he clearly is. I think he is one confused boy that gets to a place and then realises the seriousness of it all and backs off a mile. I just wish he didn’t screw me up in this infuriating process he’s got going on.

IThe fact is though guys. I am getting wise to him.

Lesson Learnt.

I definitely made the right choice yesterday - I am telling you I did. I was so stressed about it and then when I'd cancelled I felt human again. What a relief.

Note to self: No more saying yes to dates I don't want to go on.

In the end I spent some time with my mum and we watched Brief Encounter together. Now that's a night that Gretta did enjoy.

Lesson Learnt.

I definitely made the right choice yesterday - I am telling you I did. I was so stressed about it and then when I'd cancelled I felt human again. What a relief.

Note to self: No more saying yes to dates I don't want to go on.

In the end I spent some time with my mum and we watched Brief Encounter together. Now that's a night that Gretta did enjoy.

Cruel to be kind

I couldn't do it. Seriously I've been on lots of dates and I've never stressed out like this before and the reason I am is because I know Climber Dude isn't at all what I want and being alone with him would just be giving him the wrong impression. I don't want to be Climber Dude's Jerk Girl. I don't want to give him the impression he has a chance when he doesn't. I know the hell Jerk Boy has put me through and I needed to stop this before it got started.

So I sent him a text message:

"Hi Climber Dude. I'm really tired and have a bit of a sore throat, sorry but I am not going to make it tonight"

I am tired and I do have a slight sore throat. It's not really sore enough to warrant an excuse but I just can't do it. I can't be Jerk Girl. He may already view me as that after that text but I tell you what I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Yeeessshhhhhheeeee.

Still stressing about this date on Thursday.

That's all I have to say.

And I thought I was an attention seeker!

The Jerk Boy quest almost came tumbling to a hault yesterday. It was a lazy Saturday afternoon and I was hanging out with 2 girlfriends. Then... Jerk Boy decided to text me. I did reply but after that he then continued to text me a seriously silly amount of times - talk about a boy craving attention.

Girl 1. Knows everything that happened between me and Jerk Boy and knew what he was playing at.

Girl 2. Who knows Jerk Boy knows absolutely nothing about what happened between me and Jerk boy and was beginning to become very curious by the amount of texts I was receiving.

I had sworn Girl 1 to secrecy ages ago knowing I could trust her. Where as girl 2 is known very well for her big mouth. Girl 1 managed to keep everything in when Girl 2 started asking me lots of questions about Jerk Boy.

Girl 2: So Gretta, how many texts has he sent you now.

Gretta: About 4

Girl 2: Do you think he likes you?

Gretta: No I really don't think he does - it's just we're friends and he's telling me about something.

*text goes off again*

Girl 2: You're not even replying to half of the texts he's sent you are you sure he doesn't have the hots for you?

Gretta: I am very sure.

Girl 1 in the meantime is trying to stop herself from cracking up completely - I can see her eyes trying to focus on the tv or something else so she wouldn't laugh.

Anyway this texting went on for a good few hours so after I parted from the girls I text Jerk Boy and the text said

"Look, I don't get free texts like you, if you've got no plans tonight why don't you come over. It is just me here but seriously it would save my credit"

I had to tell him it was just me here there has been an incident in the past where a group of us were suppose to be going out for a meal and 1 by 1 everyone dropped out leaving my and Jerk Boy - I was more than happy to go still because I hadn't bought any food to eat and the house was empty, but as soon as Jerk Boy realised it was just the 2 of us he said his apologies. So I know that he's very cautious about alone time with me.

He took ages to respond to that text and I thought to myself "you cheeky sod, you've been texting me all afternoon 1 after the other and the 1 text I need you to reply to you decide to ignore".

I guess he was just making his decision as to what he was going to do - it was obviously a decision that took some thought. His response was this

"Oh I 'think' I am suppose to be going round a mates house in about a hour. Thanks though".

He bothers me so much I mean what is he going to avoid alone time with me forever - we used to be such good friends hanging out alone all the time - why did stupid feeling have to get in the way of that. I mean nothing would have happened seriously. I am in a good place - it's him that started the text conversation, him that kept texting me even after I hadn't replied, him that was practically begging for attention. When I finally cave in he then backs away.

I am beginning to realise it's him that needs my attention more than me needing his, it's just when he starts giving me his I cave in like the middle of a cake, that's baking, as you open the oven door. Why does he have to know that he can have the cake and why can't just take a bite and tuck in. Is it some kick boys get out of knowing that they could have something if they REALLY wanted it? And more to the point why doesn't he want it? Cos I know it's good.