2 months on..

I know break-ups aren’t the easiest of things. In fact they’re pretty darn difficult even when the decision is mutual.

CD and I broke up officially on the 1^st Oct although I would say my mind was made up on the 28^th September. So given that – we’ve practically been a part for 2 months.

When he turned up at my door unexpectedly 2 weeks ago, I handled it well, he told me he was just in the area so thought he’d pop by, I told him I was sorry but I was just on my way out. Which clearly I wasn’t but nor did I want to spend any alone time with him.

I can deal with the odd text he sends, the odd email I get, the odd bag of vegetables he seems to insist on giving me. I can deal with those things.

I found it slightly bizarre when he offered to drive me to the organisation we both volunteer for, for a meeting to which I responded I can drive myself.

Today, he turned up at my place of work, thankfully I’d arranged to meet a friend for lunch and had gone for lunch already, and my boss told him I wasn’t around today, my boss can be soo good sometimes.

At first I made excuses for him –

I helped on the allotment it’s understandable he wants to give me veges.

Maybe he was just in the area and he was just ‘popping’ in.

It’s just a friendly text/email he doesn't mean anything by it

We used to drive to the organisation we volunteer at together maybe he just wanted to make sure I didn’t need a lift.

But to turn up at work, during the day, clearly wanting to go out for lunch as it was lunch time.

I don’t think I can make any more excuses, CD the same man that said “He’s not sure if he is in love with me, he just doesn’t know” is clearly showing similar signs to this time last year when he wanted me back.

I wouldn’t have ended our relationship if I just thought 3 months down the line we’d get back together, I’m sure he probably thinks he can wear me down, he did last time it’s not unusual to think he could do it again.

I do miss him at times, so I’m sure as heck he misses me as I certainly gave more than I got in the relationship and maybe all of the above is just because he misses me, misses the friendship - maybe well just be. But...

I don’t care about the ins and outs all I know is I still deserve better. I certainly will be avoiding any alone time with CD. When it comes to girls that guy is clearly UNSTABLE. Part of me wonders what sort of nerve he has to even be willing to play these games with me the other part of me knows break-ups aren't easy and considering we were on/off for over 2 years.

It's kind of understandable really I mean - I am brilliant and was probably the best girlfriend he ever had or will have and if that's not enough I'm beautiful, sexy, kinky, respectful, smart, loving, funny, ditzy, upbeat, positive, generous, thoughtful and genuine.

Yep, I'd want me back if I foolishly let me go.