mumbling

Over the weekend Flatmate had his engagement party. I know because the pics are all over facebook, and yes although I haven't been in contact with Flatmate for I don't know how long? And who knows if he ever turned up at my old flat for any booty calls since I move, but it was still funny seeing him all loved up with Gifty, Gifty who he's marrying, Gifty who he said wasn't the one for him and how they were like chalk and cheese, Gifty who he told me that if he ended up marrying meant he was settling. Yet he still never left her for me. And I'm glad because who wants the guy that cheats on his long term girlfriend with you and slags off his long term girlfriend too you, I mean even I don't really want that guy!!! But I still find it bizarre that he's actually marrying her. After all the stuff he said. I feel sorry for her really, I mean she's marrying someone who cheated on her for at least 6mths of their relationship, her boyfriend was not only sleeping with someone else, but telling someone else he loved them, sending someone else valentines day cards, being intimate with someone else, it wasn't just sex. And she didn't know? I little part of me still thinks she must have known but a bigger part of me thinks she didn't. Anyway, it's not like we're still having the afair now, it's over, it's just the engagement pics made me realise that, I dunno really, that it was all a lie. A sleezy lust filled lie.

I have my true and faithful CD, who is off mountaineering in Europe for the week. I miss him already, I found out today some close friends of mine are having marriage problems and I wanted to talk to him about them, I wanted him to tell me that I'm not to worry and get upset and to let them work it out, I wanted him to come comfort me, but he's not here. It sucks, I miss him and he only left yesterday. He's also growing a beard. A full on proper beard. It kind of turns me on.

Family!!!!

GOD i don't know why this has fucking pissed me off so bloody much, but it has..

P.S it's time for a gretta rant

p.p.s aren't you suppose to put p.ses at the end well fuck that.

.....

My sister is a tosspott!!! I went out with her on Saturday to get our Father's day gift, we always get a joined one because we're both stingey has fuck and we're stingey coz that's trait passed to us from our father.

Anyhow, my sister has recently started living with her bloke, he's never been into 'family time' his mum died when he was a kid, and he never got on with his dad so his 1 aunt raised him. Our family has been well into family time!!! We're a pretty close nit bunch and I mean even my cousins and aunts etc...

Basically we got my dad a cheap present and then we're taking him out for a meal on us. NICE!!! When we were out buying teh present she said to me my bloke doesn't really 'do' family time. So I took this as her telling me please don't invite CD to the meal it will make my bloke feel like he had to come - ok so she doesn't say that literally, I did assume that's what she meant, but that's how it came across he doesn't do, he doesn't enjoy, he isn't into 'family time'.

I made a decision after that conversation to save putting her bloke into an awkward position I wuldn't invite CD. CD gets on really well with my folks, I'm currently living with my folks so he gets more opportunities to see them, even though CD might have liked an invite to our family meal I figure it would be less stress to not invite him and not put my sisters bloke in a funny position. I was doing what I thought was the right thing from what my sis had told me.. I was actually trying to be nice.

I get this bloody email today from my sister telling me she'd like to invite her bloke, this is fine, but I feel I should check with dad as I kind of gave him the impression it would just be us. Then my sis starts on one saying "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, I LIVE WITH MY BLOKE IT FEELS ODD NOT INVITING HIM". I felt like saying you fucking bitch I did it so your bloke wouldn't feel awkward about saying no... Anyway I've now invited CD and neither CD or her bloke has yet replied to the invite. Part of me hopes her bloke says no and cd says yes and then she'll understand why I approached it that way in the first place.

As you can see I'm extremely riled but maybe the motto for me is that I shouldn't have just assumed but maybe my sister shouldn't have told me her bloke doesn't 'do' family time....

RANT FUCKING OVER!

Since my operation...

I've found myself struggling with food.

I've never been a fussy eater, I've always enjoyed my food, but now there are things I struggle with..

Curry makes me spew and I mean like chuck up everything, scraping every last bit from my stomach lining - it's gross. And I feel sorry for CD coz curry is one of his favourite things.

Strong Cheese, I just have to smell it and I feel so ill.

Mayonaise, I want it in my sandwich when I make them on a morning but as soon as I open my sandwiches at lunchtime I find myself scraping it out of the sandwich becuase I just don't fancy it.

AND NO I'M NOT PREGGERS!!!

Not only can I not eat those things, I seem to have up'd my chocolate consumption by about 75%.

He's back,,,

,,, Am I the only one totally stoked about the return of Eminem! Maybe but you gotta love him. Right?

Missing me?

It's not that I blame him, but I feel it's his fault. You see I feel like I'm a twenty something going on 60 something. CD has got himself an allotment at his work and once he's cleared the brambles we're going to start growing veges. As sweet as that sounds, I haven't been clubbing in months, I have no disasterous dating stories to tell me married (acting older than their age) friends, and I feel like Gretta is losing... Gretta.

Don't get me wrong I've done a lot of things wrong, I'm the girl that caused someone else's man to cheat on them, I'm the one that craved attention so much I would pretty much do anything to get it, I'm the one that always got it on with randoms at weddings, and I'm the one that always seemed to date a moron or 3.

CD is a fabulous man, he takes care of me, he looks after me, he's wonderful. But is he changing me or am I just changing.

The sad thing is I'm looking forward to the journey of growing our own veges, and I'm looking forward to cooking them. Just part of me misses being that little bit wild but the other part of me thinks it feels right to settle.

I dunno I just miss naughty Gretta but also like settled Gretta. It's a weird kind of limbo place to be. tis all.

Brighter days are coming!

If I said it had all been smooth between me and CD I'd be telling a porky. We had a huge row over something ridiculously stupid, which made me give him the cold shoulder, which resulted in him not wanting to make effort with me, which resulted in us both being extremely insecure and almost chucking away 3 fabulous months. If it wasn't for a middle aged married couple and the wife in that couple having counselling skills, knocking some serious sense into us, then we could well be living separate lives right now. So I guess I have a lot to thank them for if we work things out for the long term, if we end up breaking up next week, I'll blame the married couple for another wasted few weeks of my life!!!

However, since making up properly, things seem to be going well again....

In other news, I'm pretty sick at the moment, have to go into hospital over the next 2 weeks and am not looking forward to it. Hopefully CD will be patient with my while I try to recover!

Down down down

I have been feeling extremely down of late. It's not CDs fault or anything to do with him, however, my down state seems to effect us in someway.

You see, work has been slightly insane, mid some changes, my boss got really ill causing him to be out for 6 weeks sick. He's rarely sick this is fair enough, however, it's meant I've felt the pressure of the business on my shoulders, I'm the one that knows how everything runs even if I don't run it myself!!!

So, one of our staff has been running this project but he hasn't got enough people on board with his idea, and his superiors have been telling him to drop the project but he refuses because he says even without people power it's successful! He's the only one that thinks that. He's also threatening to quit if we pull the project. Problem is he's a key worker and someone who has generally really moved the business forward, we all really value his in put, it's just this time we all think he needs to pull the project.

It's a harsh situation and it's causing the work environment to be slightly bleak to say the least, if that's not enough the finance lady who I work alongside the most is also suffering from depression so every other day I get to listen to her whinge and moan about everything. I know depression is nasty but it doesn't half rub off on me.

Anyway, last night I went round a friends house for dinner with CD, they're more his friends than mine but they're turning into our friends if that makes sense, and he decides to tell them about the fact that when I get in from work I like to sit down and watch Neighbours to unwind. Yes Neighbours is shit, I know! But it's great to unwind too... However, even tho he was joking with them about my soap addiction, it offended me because what he forgets to tell them is while I watch Neighbours I cook him dinner at the same time. Yes just tell them the bad, don't tell them the good CD. I know he was joking but he also knows I'm having a crap time at work.

So anyway, a client today gave me a bunch of flowers, not a member of staff, not a fellow employee but a client, gave me a bunch of flowers to thank me for doing such a great job. You have no idea how much I needed it. No idea.

However, then it did remind me of something, CD and I have been back together for almost 12 weeks and still he hasn't bought me a bunch of flowers.

Tell me why? Every girl loves flowers - it's just common sense! So somehow again I ended up offended about the fact that I haven't received any flowers from CD. Ridiculous. Yes. Am I suffering from depression? I'm beginning to wonder.

What I can tell you is I can't wait for my boss to return because I will willing put the strain of trying to run this company back on his shoulders, but I'll appreciate him that little bit more - that is one thing for sure.

I swear I need one big hefty pay rise - IF ONLY!