Time will tell

I find myself at work writing this, my boss is sat opposite me so ssshhhhhhhhh because I’m suppose to be working because I’m completely snowed under but I was in need of a break.

2 nights ago I had a dream about an old friend, we will call him the insect.

Ok so truth be told the insect and I were what I thought more than just friends. We basically dated for quite some time on and off back a few years ago. Yet, nothing actually happened between us as in we didn’t get particularly physical, we flirted lots, had lots of play fights, even kissed a little but other than that nothing and soon enough things just fizzled out. Ok so we didn’t really fizzle out now I’m going to be honest, I asked him whether this was something that could turn into a relationship or whether it was just fun. You should have seen his face as soon as I mentioned the word relationship. It was like I’d doomed it by using that word. It’s a word that means long term, a word that means commitment, a word that has hard work attached to it. It’s a word that I’m afraid of myself so why I even said it to him is something that I find hard to believe now.

I guess because I was comfortable with this guy and we were spending heaps of time together, he had prospects, he made me laugh, we enjoyed each others company, he hadn’t jumped straight into my bed, he’d taken the time to get to know me and it felt real, it felt like a relationship. However, what I’ve learnt since this time is that girls should really never bring up whether it’s a relationship or not. If a guy wants you and him to have a relationship, if he’s scared some other guy will snap you up, trust me he’s going to make sure he gets you in a relationship with him and by the female asking the male the question it takes away something from the male, I’m not sure what it takes away, whether it be the chase that they so wanted, whether it be a bit of their pride, whether it be just that by you suggesting it, it puts the wind up them, but there is something guys don’t like about a girl bringing up exactly how serious or whether the friendship is or might be going. When I asked the insect that question he backed away a mile.

Anyway, back to my dream, in my dream I could smell this guys skin, it was so bizarre I woke up and his scent was up my nose. I missed his smell it was really odd and I found myself missing him. So, I just emailed him to say hi this morning. I haven’t spoken to him since December and that was just because we wished each other a happy Christmas. He’s into rugby and so am I so. I asked him how he was enjoying the world cup and he replied – saying that he’s really loving the world cup and we have to catch up soon. It’s odd, I have an odd feeling about this, like if I wanted to I could pick things up again, as if we’ve not spent anytime apart. I feel excited, yet also a bit weirded out by it all. Anyway, I guess I’ll see if he does pursue this catch up or whether he’s just being polite. Time will tell.