3 days early and for the first time ever I was pleased to see it.

Last night I was suppose to go to a work meeting. Yet, my boss is sick so cancelled it yey I thought.

I noticed that Forest Gump was on the TV so before it started I had a hot bubbly bath, got into my jammies and curled up for an early night infront of the TV.

At about 9.30 there was a knock at the door, I didn't want to open the door as Forest Gump had made me cry and tears were streaming down my face, it wasn't just Forest Gump that had made me cry though. I was confused about speaking online to Flatmate that morning and if that hadn't topped it off I came on my period that afternoon, 3 days early, and for a girl that's usually as regular as clockwork it was all a bit much. I tried to ignore the door but it went again and I knew whoever it was could see that my bedroom light was on through the window.

I clambered out of bed and went to open the door, and there he was, stood there looking dopey. Oh I knew he said he wanted to see me but I wasn't expecting him at that moment.

Flatmate: Have you been crying?

Gretta: I've been watching Forest Gump and it makes me cry

Flatmate: You big softy, come here *he walks in and wraps his (oh so lovely) arm around me*

I wanted his arms around me, I wanted him to comfort me while I was crying but I wasn't comfortable, for the first time I felt very uncomfortable in his arms. As you all know one of the most important things I need when being with a man is to feel comfortable but I just didn't. I wriggled out of his arms.

Gretta: Look I know that we were chatting online today and it felt good, like old times even and of course I want you, how could I not but this afternoon I came on and there is no way you are going anywhere down there. So you may as well just leave now because you're not gona get what you came for.

He looks at me with a bit of a bizarre look on his face and starts to laugh. I couldn't help but laugh with him and I hit his arm.

Gretta: I'm glad you find it funny.

Flatmate: I don't want just that you know, I've missed you.

Gretta: Flatmate don't start.

He seemed to ignore everything I was saying and came in and sat down on the sofa as if he had every right to be at my place. I felt a bit violated but he didn't seem aware of that. He started blabbing on about work and how much had changed since we last talked, how his crap employee was asked to leave quietly or she would be fired because of the quality of her work wasn't up to it, how he'd got a pay rise and is saving to go travelling (which I still don't believe he'll ever do because he's a gutless wonder), and how he's now deputy manager so when the manager of his company is on holiday he's the one in charge. While he was talking I found my eyes wandering all over his body, gosh I've missed his body, he arms, his chicken legs, his annoyingly thin top lip, I started imagining his body underneath the green t-shirt he was wearing, his 2 little moles just to the left of his belly button that I used to like to kiss. Bloody hell I wanted to pull that t-shirt off him.

I think he knew exactly what I wanted, I wanted to touch him, but I just sat there staring at him realing off all this work stuff as if we were a married couple and he was just filling me in. I realised it was time for him to leave, the longer he talked, the more I'd feel like he wanted me for not only the physical but for the emotional as well and I just don't think I can give that. The one thing neither of us mentioned all night long was Gifty. I couldn't bring myself to ask about her and he clearly didn't want to mention her to me. I used my period as the ample excuse, I was tired, I wanted to go to bed, I wanted him to leave.

I walked towards the front door, I opened it, he pulled me too him, he kissed my lips twice, he whispered in my ear (I'm unsure why he whispered he just did) "have a good sleep" and as he walked out of the door in full volume as if he was confirming a deal "SO I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER THEN" and with that he was gone.

I'm not sure I can handle this, if I weren't on my period I wouldn't have resisted him, if he just turns up I'm too weak to not let him in, however if he sits and chats and makes me feel like I'm worth knowing about his life and that he's opening up to me and he wants me to know about his life, it makes me feel like I'm part of his life and that feeling is so dangerous because I'm not the only one who's part of his life. Why does he want the best of both worlds and why did he have to prove that sodding book right, I'm beginning to wish he snapped and didn't come back.