The elastic band experiment
This weekend I picked up a book that I hadn’t picked up in a few years. That book was….
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
Great read by the way and I recommend it to EVERYONE.
So, instead of reading the whole thing I just started flicking through. I found myself applying a lot of the book to the Flatmate situation. I know, I know. I shouldn’t be thinking about Flatmate but shoot me down I was.
Anyway, I realised as I was reading a certain chapter that before we called it a day and before he started being a bit of dick (I know a lot of you would say that he was a dick before the day he started being one to me because of him having a girlfriend but he wasn’t a dick to me for quite a long time and even now I still remember the good times).
So, I read that when a female starts making demands, on time and attention, and when they get needy but in a way that blames the male when they don’t spend time with you they go into their cave. Yes as females we all know men have their cave, and we all hate that cave, because we want to go and invade the cave and make them talk their problems out. However, the next part I read was interesting, it said that Martians (men) are like elastic bands, the stretch so far, and then they come back, and they will come back you’ve just got to let them stretch away. What the book also said is when men do come back, they act as if they’ve never been away and they pick up the intimacy level where they left it.
I started to think about the Flatmate’s situation, I definitely had started to place blame on him because he was reducing my time to spend time with Gifty, I definitely had laid on guilt trips about when I had a problem and I needed to talk it through and he wasn’t around. I’d been that female that pushed their bloke into the cave, not because their feelings lessen but because they just need that time to sort it all out in their head.
However, when reading it I thought to myself, well, that’s all well and good but Flatmate’s elastic band must have snapped because it’s been well over 3 weeks and he hasn’t come back. Even though things ended between us, Flatmate knows that all he had to give me what I crave, time and attention and I’d be his. So, why hasn’t he come back like the book said. It left me a little confused all weekend.
I know I shouldn’t have been wanting him back, I know I should just let him live his life with Gifty, I know this, but from what the book was saying it sounded like he should have come back. Judge me all you like but you try living a single life, with no male interest or any sexual activity for a silly long time and you're realise how tough it is.
Anyway, who was to appear online this morning for the first time in weeks. None other than Flatmate, and he started chatting to me, he initiated the conversation. The book was right. Like an elastic band he'd returned. So I thought I’d experiment. Yep, I know, I’m wrong, I’m naughty but I was curious to see if this statement the book had made was correct
“when men do come back, they act as if they’ve never been away and they pick up the intimacy level where they left it.”
I can tell you now the book was right, we flirting, we chatted and ended up doing some online fondling and it felt as if all of the problems we had before he disappeared on me into his cave had also vanished. It felt so good to have him there, he was concerned about me, he was checking in on me, he was giving me time and attention, he was telling me how much he missed me, he was telling me I was beautiful and how much he wanted me. The Flatmate that swept me away when we first met was back, a Flatmate I was beginning to think I'd lost forever.
He now wants to see me though, and I haven’t made any promises, deep down I know I shouldn’t go there again, I know I shouldn’t let him back in, but I can’t believe how right the book was – I mean his elastic band stretched quite far before he returned, but when he did return it was like he’d never been away and I tell you what it felt like he was all mine and even though I know he’s not, it was a really good feeling.
So, instead of reading the whole thing I just started flicking through. I found myself applying a lot of the book to the Flatmate situation. I know, I know. I shouldn’t be thinking about Flatmate but shoot me down I was.
Anyway, I realised as I was reading a certain chapter that before we called it a day and before he started being a bit of dick (I know a lot of you would say that he was a dick before the day he started being one to me because of him having a girlfriend but he wasn’t a dick to me for quite a long time and even now I still remember the good times).
So, I read that when a female starts making demands, on time and attention, and when they get needy but in a way that blames the male when they don’t spend time with you they go into their cave. Yes as females we all know men have their cave, and we all hate that cave, because we want to go and invade the cave and make them talk their problems out. However, the next part I read was interesting, it said that Martians (men) are like elastic bands, the stretch so far, and then they come back, and they will come back you’ve just got to let them stretch away. What the book also said is when men do come back, they act as if they’ve never been away and they pick up the intimacy level where they left it.
I started to think about the Flatmate’s situation, I definitely had started to place blame on him because he was reducing my time to spend time with Gifty, I definitely had laid on guilt trips about when I had a problem and I needed to talk it through and he wasn’t around. I’d been that female that pushed their bloke into the cave, not because their feelings lessen but because they just need that time to sort it all out in their head.
However, when reading it I thought to myself, well, that’s all well and good but Flatmate’s elastic band must have snapped because it’s been well over 3 weeks and he hasn’t come back. Even though things ended between us, Flatmate knows that all he had to give me what I crave, time and attention and I’d be his. So, why hasn’t he come back like the book said. It left me a little confused all weekend.
I know I shouldn’t have been wanting him back, I know I should just let him live his life with Gifty, I know this, but from what the book was saying it sounded like he should have come back. Judge me all you like but you try living a single life, with no male interest or any sexual activity for a silly long time and you're realise how tough it is.
Anyway, who was to appear online this morning for the first time in weeks. None other than Flatmate, and he started chatting to me, he initiated the conversation. The book was right. Like an elastic band he'd returned. So I thought I’d experiment. Yep, I know, I’m wrong, I’m naughty but I was curious to see if this statement the book had made was correct
“when men do come back, they act as if they’ve never been away and they pick up the intimacy level where they left it.”
I can tell you now the book was right, we flirting, we chatted and ended up doing some online fondling and it felt as if all of the problems we had before he disappeared on me into his cave had also vanished. It felt so good to have him there, he was concerned about me, he was checking in on me, he was giving me time and attention, he was telling me how much he missed me, he was telling me I was beautiful and how much he wanted me. The Flatmate that swept me away when we first met was back, a Flatmate I was beginning to think I'd lost forever.
He now wants to see me though, and I haven’t made any promises, deep down I know I shouldn’t go there again, I know I shouldn’t let him back in, but I can’t believe how right the book was – I mean his elastic band stretched quite far before he returned, but when he did return it was like he’d never been away and I tell you what it felt like he was all mine and even though I know he’s not, it was a really good feeling.
I know you all think I’m crazy, I think I’m crazy but I miss him, I’ve missed him the whole time he’s been away, there's been noone to fill that hole and although I’ve tried not to think about him I have thought about him because when he isn't a dick, he's a really great guy and so attentive to my needs.
I know I shouldn’t go there again, and I’ll try not too, but if I try and fail, I can’t help it. I’m human and I need attention and right now he seems so willing to give it, it seems a waste when I need it to stop him. Oh I'm the crappest person alive I know.
posted by Gretta James at 7:25 AM
2 Comments:
No one else needs to beat up on you! You seem to be doing a great job of it on your own!!
Honey, you are human and we all need 'something' sometimes. But please don't go back there. You're doing so well.
I know how lonely it is to be single and have no one interested. I know how sad it can be to have someone leave you for someone else. I know how scary it can be facing the future alone.
I also know how horrible it can be to listen to their words and promises and have them walk away again. Because they always do.
If he wanted to be with you he would have left Gifty and come and got you.
He isn't worth it... But if you do go there, have an amazing time. Give him the shag of his life and then kick him out. No kisses, no cuddles because THAT'S the bit that hurts the most.
Gretta! Dont go there! If he wanted you he would have left Gifty a long time ago. He definitely isnt worth it, and by talking to him or even seeing him I think you might be going backwards. You have been doing soooo well lately!
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