We all have enough insecurities as it is, we don't need someone giving us more.

I had a lovely night in last night, I had a hot bubbly bath, a rather large glass of rum and coke and I got an early night watching tv in bed. I didn't hear a thing from Flatmate and I think he's got the message and I'm glad about that. Although I think I'm worth being pursued haha.

Anyway, The Ex has invited me out tonight, which is interesting, I still have his hoody from the last time we went out because I got really cold, so I must remember to return that. I can't believe he gets married in May, it's bizarre to think about it and if I'm to be honest I think he's gona make a shockingly bad husband and I feel a little sorry for the girl marrying him but I guess that's her choice.

I know I sound harsh but The thing about The Ex is he used to verbally abuse me quite a bit, he slowly stripped away my security about myself in quite an evil way. Now, I'm not stick thin, I'm a curvy lady, I actually quite like my curves, my breasts have certainly been a good assett to have especially when I want a guy to do something for me lol. Yet The Ex had a very strange look on things. Women had to have less food on their plate than men in his family, it was a done thing women eat less. So, when we went to his folks house I'd always come away still hungry. I grew up in a household where home cooked meals round that table were regular things, and if you wanted seconds you had seconds, if you wanted thirds you had thirds, and often I'd eat as much as my dad if not more and it wasn't frowned upon. It's not that we're huge gluttons, it's just that we enjoy good food and when you're full you stop.

Now when I was with my ex he used to make comments about my weight, if I ate a bar of chocolate he would tut at me, if I had a biscuit with my cup of tea I was being naughty. Soon enough I became very insecure about my weight, and what you'd expect is that I'd stop eating but not me, I began to get resentful towards him, I hated the fact that I'd get a smaller plate of food, I hated if he tutted me if I ate a chocolate bar or a biscuit, so I began to eat more out of spite, if he upset me I'd go home and stuff my face thinking ha ha I'm one up on him.

That probably wasn't the right attitude to have, but what can I say I didn't appreciate being dictated too.

Let me get back to the point, I've met The Ex's fiance a few times now and the last time I met her I heard her saying things like "the ex says he likes me when I'm a bit thinner" or "the ex doesn't like me to have a pudding when we go out for a meal" and sure enough the picture was painted very clear to me, that girls security bit by bit was being stripped away from her in the same way mine was. I honestly believe I had a lucky escape when I ended that relationship.

However, in saying all that, The Ex is actually a REALLY great friend and we make far better friends then we ever did in a relationship. I make him sound awful but in truth, he a really caring man who has always looked out for me but in a relationship he tried to change me and I just didn't want to be changed.

I'll have a good night tonight, but I wonder if The Ex will end up a happily married man or whether his future wife will become bitter and resentful, it will certainly be interesting to see how that one pans out.