Twice in a day!
So,,,,,,,, some update on the whole Climber Dude situation. Which I kind of want some feedback about.
Last night I went to the pub with Intellect, Climber Dude and Music Man. We got into a really long conversation about relationships, about age gaps, about things in common, about opposites attract.
It was a really good conversation as it was a great way of trying to figure the mystery of Climber Dude out. I was never really into Climber Dude, but the situation with us was always a bit odd.
Now, I found out some interesting things about Climber Dude last night.
He calls himself a Christian, apparently he attends church when and as he can, which means when he's not working (cos he does shift work) and when he's not climbing mountains he goes, he's never mentioned this before so I'm unsure how serious he is and whether he's one of those fundametalists but still he tries to get to church when he can - his mum is a Christian.
I think I 'should' be surprised by this but it kind of explains a lot, like why he's so unsure about hanging out with me, or like why he hasn't made any kind of a move, as when we were discussing stuff he said that it's really important to him that if he were in a relationship with someone, they'd need to have the same beliefs as him because in the longrun he thinks it would fall apart if not. Which I actually thought was fair enough and I also didn't feel like he'd previously rejected me purposely now, and maybe some of the harsh things he's said to me in the past is more because he doesn't agree with how I choose to live my life. I dunno it's just the picture becomes a lot clearer knowing that.
However, then he went on to make this statement.
"A third of your life you spend working, a third of your life you spend sleeping, so the other third of your life you're likely to spend with your partner doing things you enjoy that's why I think it's vital that when you meet someone before getting in a relationship you should make sure you have lots in common"
I kind of felt that Climber Dude had completely limited his options by making that statement. For these main reasons.
I think that when you start out in a relationship it doesn't necessarily matter if you don't have a lot in common, but as you choose to commit to that person and as you choose to love that person, what they enjoy doing, you enjoy doing mainly because you enjoy time with them and it isn't hard unless of course you have fears of the things they enjoy or no desire whatsoever to do them.
Then it made me think a lot about how different me and Climber Dude are.
Climber Dude Enjoys Climbing - walls, mountains, cliffs, ladders, buildings, bridges, if it's high he'll climb it. I'm terrified of heights. Even climbing up a mountain no matter how great the view is at the top doesn't appeal to me. I'd much rather get the cable car and even then I'd be vomiting out of fear.
Climber Dude has a belief in God, and although I believe that there must be some kind of higher power, I'm unsure whetherI believe in the same God Climber Dude believes in.
Climber Dude likes to travel but when he travels he always includes extreme sports whether that be skiing, or climbing mountains, or ski diving, or kite flying whatever, he has to have some high adren thing to do. I love to travel but I'd much rather see the sights, hang on the beach, eat interesting foods, read a book and combine seeing as much as I can see with a bit of chill time.
Anyway, my point is we were always too different to work and I see that.
However, I also think that can you limit yourself too much. For instance Climber Dude wants someone with the same beliefs as him (which I understand) but he also wants someone who would enjoy doing the same as him, who's life purpose matches his life purpose - I mean who the heck knows their life purpose? I don't have a clue what mine is and I don't fret about it, anyway back to the point. Why can't a guy go climb a wall with guys, why a girl goes and gets a pampering with the ladies and then do something they both enjoy another time. Why is it so important to have so much in common?
Can relationships work with having very little in common?
Discuss.
posted by Gretta James at 4:02 AM
5 Comments:
i would query your choice of words about whom we "choose to love". when we're in love i don't think we have any choice in the matter at all. the heart chooses and we're just along for the ride.
I think you can choose to love...
...it might just not be a very conscious choice. People who limit themselves like Climber Dude really are handicapping themselves. Having a similar belief system is important, I guess, but only if both people put great emphasis on their beliefs.
Also, I think the differences are what really what attract two people to each other to begin with. "Completing" each other and whatnot. I don't see why they can't enjoy different things and still enjoy each other.
So... yeah, relationships can work with little in common. Though, I do think you'd need a more open-minded couple for it to work with very little.
Ohhh... tough one... I think the whole 'having things in common' should be more about your morals and values rather than if you like climbing or not?!
Having separate interests is what makes it easier to have things to talk about. Take it from me, working together and having similar interests together with The Ex was a HUGE part of us breaking up as we had very little to say to each other as we'd experienced it all together?!
Variety is the spice of life!
Climber Dude's views on religion are sketchy... You can be an athiest and still have the right morals in life.
As my Grandmother (who prayed every night but rarely went to church) always said: "Sitting in a church makes you no more a Christian than sitting in a garage makes you a car."
Amen to that!
CS: I think love has a lot to do with choice, however when you're in love that's when choice possible stops existing.
Rusty: It hink you've made some very valid points.
Betty: I love your grandma's way of thinking to me that makes sense. Again, I think different interests are good. I always thought it was girls that go off into day dreams and start imagining things that don't exist. I'm beginning to think that some guys set unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships though! Interesting.
Sarah and I don't have anything in common (except religion) and we manage just fine. The only hard part is finding time to persue our seperate hobbies and that usually means time apart. But we find a common ground on some things, so it works.
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