no kissy kissy.

There's nothing I haven't told you.

I went round his last night and explained to him how freaked out I was becoming, how it was hard for me to consider going away iwth him and spending my life with him when we hadn't even kissed, when we hang out he chooses to sit on a different couch to me and I feel like he's not attracted to me at all I explained all this too him the best I could. I told him I liked him more than I'd let on in the past, that I was scared and putting my guards up, I even said I would really consider going away and try my hardest not to get freaked out anymore - however, I can't commit to going away iwthout falling for him first and I can't fall for him because in order for me to we need to take some steps like yeah kissing!!!!

He told me he was attracted to me and the night I freaked out he was gutted, but since then he hasn't been confused. He's set on going away next year and he's just no ready to commit to a relationship because him going away comes first and that means he can't give me the attention I need. Therefore he's decided we're best off as just friends. He said I know I sound like the Jerk now where 2 days ago I was asking you to consider spending your life with me and now I'm saying we're better off as friends, but I haven't been this clear in a long time and I really do think I've freaked you out too much and put too much pressure on for it to work, but you needed to know that my plan was always to go away.

I do understand. I do. I'm upset, I went round my folks after talking to him and cried on my mum - she's the best at times. It's weird I just think I began to think that me and Climber Dude could work, and within 3 days it was all taken away from me.

This is life. This is my secret life.