One foot in front of the other
Things in my life have come to a bit of a standstill of late! I feel like I’m not moving forward very fast.
My job is quite stale – we have nothing exciting happening and with summer fast approaching it’s probably going to be pretty quiet from not until September. Not that that is a bad thing some days I can be so snowed under that I forget to eat and then there is the late night work meetings – I wont miss them over the summer. Still feel like nothing’s happening though - I think I'd prefer things busy.
Then there is Flatmate, I know I’ve been pretty naïve about the whole situation I guess I kind of hoped he would have ended things with Gifty by now. I can’t believe this whole thing has been going on since February!!!! That’s a long time for me and I already know I am getting in deeper than I feel comfortable. Again I am looking for my fire exits and escape routes. It’s really hard tho, I am just not sure I am able/strong enough to end things with him right now. I also fear giving him an ultimatum – me or her? Because if he chooses her with me knowing he never sees her and when he does doesn’t have much fun will only make me question what the fuck is wrong with me? and I just can’t handle doing that right now. Maybe in time I’ll be strong enough to deal with it all - yet right now I'd rather ignorantly ignore.
My job is quite stale – we have nothing exciting happening and with summer fast approaching it’s probably going to be pretty quiet from not until September. Not that that is a bad thing some days I can be so snowed under that I forget to eat and then there is the late night work meetings – I wont miss them over the summer. Still feel like nothing’s happening though - I think I'd prefer things busy.
Then there is Flatmate, I know I’ve been pretty naïve about the whole situation I guess I kind of hoped he would have ended things with Gifty by now. I can’t believe this whole thing has been going on since February!!!! That’s a long time for me and I already know I am getting in deeper than I feel comfortable. Again I am looking for my fire exits and escape routes. It’s really hard tho, I am just not sure I am able/strong enough to end things with him right now. I also fear giving him an ultimatum – me or her? Because if he chooses her with me knowing he never sees her and when he does doesn’t have much fun will only make me question what the fuck is wrong with me? and I just can’t handle doing that right now. Maybe in time I’ll be strong enough to deal with it all - yet right now I'd rather ignorantly ignore.
So at the moment I dont feel like I am stuck in the past, but nor am I moving on to the future. I just feel stuck in this moment and I really am unsure how to take the next step.
posted by Gretta James at 5:16 AM
5 Comments:
How long as he been with Gifty?
He's been with her for over 2 years and I think that's most of the problem.
I met Flatmate back in December and they were having problems then. From the outset he made it quite clear he had feelings for me but I just kept resisting and there was someone else in my life at the time.
It's just a big complicated mess, the more I think about it the more I know I have to end things.. It's just things are complicated.... ARRRGGGHHH.
Gretta
Now I get it.. that made me think of me being in kinda the same situation (in high school of all times :) ). Actually, that might be a good blog to write tonight
Gretta, I can so empathise with your situation because I'm stuck in the same rut as you... well almost.
I know there are people who are bad for my emotional and mental state of mind and I need to stop seeing them for my own good, but somehow I don't know why I'm too weak to do so. I'm trying to find out what's holding me back, why am I so worried of the unknown and also being single. Heh...
You will be strong enough to pull through once you've made up your mind, girl. I know you can. So can I, but I'm just unwilling to at the moment. Meh... Bah.
Oh Venge we're hopeless causes I feel for you girl xxxxx
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