Story of my life

I've been utterly miserable.

Utterly.

I can't bare the thought of being apart from biker.

I skyped him this morning and suggested going NZ for 2 weeks before the end of the year and then if we got on applying for a work visa to move out for a year.

Now he's full of excuses. I'm not ready for a relationship, I shouldn't leave my family, I don't want to lose the friendship but we've been too intense for too long.

Hang about - he's been the intense one. And now I get serious he runs.

He said "Gretta what's changed? it was always you that was aware of the distance, always you trying to slow things down always you preventing us from getting too close and now you want to come out here..How long have you been thinking this way? What changed? "

Well I guess I let Biker in. I guess that's what changed. And not only that but the thought of not talking to him is making me so darn miserable. He says he missed me this weekend were we didn't speak to talk things through but he still wants things to change between us he wnats us to be friends and no more because we're holding each other back.

Fine. Whatever. He's not even good looking, not my type, and if he was here in reality I'd probably have avoided him but online I've gotten to know someone I would have avoided in reality and I liked him, he was sweet, he had a big heart and he showed me that some men are decent. Until now, now he's rejecting me, he says he's doing it for me but once again in the words of Celine Dion

"Are you thinking about YOU or us?"

I'm thinking he's thinking about himself. Men regardless of how nice they are can still be so darn selfish.