BABY think twice

Biker and I have what I call an online "friendship". I met him on a dating website back in January but he lives in New Zealand. We started chatting on skype and got on brilliantly. If only he lived closer! Due to the distance we accepted that we'd only be friends. However, we kind of have been soothing each other's loneliness and I guess maybe we've taken the online friendship into online lovers partaking in cyber sex and emotional closeness. In fact if it wasnt for the fact it was online it would be a realtionship shairing our deepests needs and desires with each other.

This however came to a head this morning. Biker is worried that we're getting in so deep that we'll hold each other back if we do meet someone. He said "Gretta if you met someone now if I were your friend I should be happy for you but to be honest if you met someone now I would be hurt, jealous and devastated". This concerns me because we can't be together.

Truth is I'd been considering a trip to meet him but now as my dad is so poorly and my sister is pregnant its just not the right time. Biker respects that I need to be with my family but because he runs his own small business that's only just getting off the ground he can't afford to take time off. I asked him if we could meet somewhere in the middle for a few weeks just to see if we got on and then to see if it could be more in the future but he really can't take tiem off.

He doesn't think we can continue whatever it is that is between us at risk of either one of us getting hurt.

I think it's too late. I've been listening to TOny Rich nobody knows it but me on repeat, followed by Celine Dion Think Twice. The lyrics to those songs are exactly how I feel. I dont want this to end but Biker doesnt want it to continue.

I deleted him off facebook and blocked him on skype but before the day was out I found myself emailing him telling him this "I'm sad"

He replied saying "I'm sad to but something had to change. I want us to find a compromise so we can still be friends I don't want to lose you completely*

I didn't realise you could get in so deep with someone you've never met, just an online persona but since January I've spoken to him almost daily and the thought of not havingn that hurts like he.ll..

And maybe he has been a cure for loneliness but he's been nothing but lovely in all of his messages and has restored my faith somewhat that there are some decent guys out there who really do want to treat women well.

And yes he's right we can't continue, ultimately we are holding each other back - we're spending so much time online chatting to each other we're not out and about meeting new people, but the thing is. I like chatting to him. Because I like him. I really like him. And now I've lost him, or I've lost whatever it is that we had and that hurts, in fact I feel sick, I've cried and I've drifted off in thought wondering if he's thinking about me and if he's feeling just as hurt as I am.

I'm dying inside and nobody knows it but me