where did I go?

It was quite simply a disaster. No no no a disaster.

Usually you put me in a group of people I don't know and I'll be chatting freely with certain people with in that group within no time at all.

So why the fuck did I go in to myself this evening, so far in to myself. I can't explain it but I was so unbelievably quiet and nothing like me.

So, I asked Climber Dude how many of his friends would be there tonight and he told me he knew 2 would be there for sure but thought there would probably be a few others. We arrive and it's 7 of us including me. They all knew each other really well and they started discussing people that they all knew. Well, that's where it all went wrong for me I had no idea who or what they were talking about and rather than try and join in I just sat back and listen, Climber Dude then started talking to his mate about rowing across the Atlantic, well I can't join in a conversation about that I know fuck all about rowing down a bloody stream let alone across the Atlantic. Half way through the night one of the girls mentioned sex and the city and I finally managed to say a few words, but without the reference to that film I swear I wouldn't have said a word all night long.

I'm Gretta. For CHRIST SAKE. I chat.. I'm a well known chatter.. Climber Dude knows me as a chatter.

When we left, he kept asking if i was ok, and why I was so quiet, he kept on saying that he knew I wasn't myself and that concerned him. I've been giving myself a hard time since, like why couldn't I have just joined in a conversation but thinking back, not one of those people in that room asked me a single question, apart from "would I like pudding?" I mean not one question...

They actually all seem like cool people but clearly I just felt like a fish out of water within that group and I don't think it has anything necessarily to do with my social skills but in fact to do with finding my identitiy in a relationship. You see single me, in that situation, probably would have been a different me!