Looking for me

The charity event was pretty awful.

No really it was ok but pretty bad all the same....

Where to start, I needed to find out if Climber Dude was going to be there!!! He appeared on msn so I thought I'll just ask. I'd basically come to the decision if he's going then I wont.

Gretta: You going to this charity gig?

Climber Dude: No wasn't planning to - are you?

Gretta: yeah I'm just finding out who else is going to be there

Climber Dude: Is that a hint do you want me to come

Gretta: No.

Climber Dude: Sounded like a hint to me!

Gretta: Really, it wasn't!

I couldn't be arsed to talk to him after that.

So the charity gig, musicman and his girl went, so did intellect and his dude and although they were quite happily chatting to me, they were all a bit too lovedovey with it and at times I did feel a little uncomfortable.

The other issue was there were loads of families there with kids!! I was shocked people still took their kids out late at night but apparently they do and I was scanning the place for single guys, but most of the ones eyeing me were extremely old and then I'd see some kid tugging their arms and then a wife would appear. And, the bristish drinking culture I hate cos there were a few guys holding up the bar, but I should really say the bar was propping htem up and if I was at the bar waiting to get a drink I'd more than likely be bumped or banged or have my arse groped! Not particularly what I wanted.

I get home to find a note from Flatmate posted through my door "I'm in the area tonight if you want to see give me a ring."

It was extremely tempting, and eventually I ended up calling him, he came over, he tried everso hard to work his magic, and I just don't know what was wrong with me I jsut wasn't in the mood.

He was pissed with me I could tell, I think he took it personally, and I guess I shouldn't have called him if I wasn't going to follow through, but he didn't stay the night he said he was visiting one of his guy friend's anyway so was going to back to sleep there. Which basically does mean he was mad with me, I've had an msn conversation since and he's told me he's over it but I think I did bruise his ego a bit, but how do you tell a guy it's not you, it's just that I was feeling down about being single, and when you came over the thought that actually you have a girlfriend and this is never going to last didn't appeal to me and in fact turned me completely off, not you, just fooling around in general! You can't really explain that!

I think I need to find myself again, before Climber Dude ok I was having a little bit of fun on the side but I was quite happy with being single, but because I came so close to being in a relationship the idea of commitment has began to appeal more and more and now I do find other people's public displays of affection uncomfortable, to be honest I've never really been a public display kind of girl, would much rather keep it private but when you see 2 people being all cute and lovey it kind of half makes you want that. I don't know through the Climber Dude situation I seemed to have lost myself and I'm just not sure how or where to find her.