I ended it (again).

Altho I'm pretty certain I did already...

He said "I've been able to establish some of my thoughts, and I started to struggle with commitment big time. After that I felt that I didn’t know if it were appropriate to spend too much time together" Then he said "the second thing is that I feel most alive when I'm adventuring and although you've tried to do it with me, you're very specific about what you like and what you don’t like and I fear that I wont be able to pursue my dreams of adventuring if I'm with him" then he said that "I feel likethe pressure of shifts at work, and my Climbing, and house moving, and sorting out the lodger at my house, and time with me has all felt really overwhelming and I haven't been able to show you how much I care about you because of time limitations" and he said that "you always request more time and it feels like it’s a schedule and I really struggle with that" He said "as for my heart I still don't know where it’s at, but yours seem to be closed?".

I told him mine is closed, I said that something became clear to me on Monday that I’d felt lied to that he’d known there was a problem and if I hadn’t have pushed Prague (we were suppose to be going on a long weekend to prague before Christmas and I said shouldn't we start organising it, and he said it's not the right time because I'm not sure i'm in love with you) may not have even told me.

A friend of his, told me that she hasn’t been impressed by the way he’s treated me and she wouldn’t have put up with it, I said that Bestfriend (my bestfriend) mentioned that when you’re in a relationship and the relationships getting stronger you want to spend more and more time together not less and less. I’ve always felt I’ve had to ask for your time because it’s something you’ve found hard to give to me and one evening a week isn't enough for a relationship to work, I mean look where it's brought us, and because I feel lied to I don’t know if I trust you anymore.

In 3 months time you’re gona consider going out to Ibiza to work there for a season. I don’t think I can go because I don’t like house music and the 2 go hand in hand, and to be honest, you were rude to me while we were away recently so why would I want to go away with someone who seems to change when they’re away from home? So yes I have closed my heart and I think it’s for the best this way you can pursue your dreams without worrying about me preventing you.

He was like "I don’t think you can base this decision on us being away or the fact that I'm considering working for a season in Ibiza" I said "I’m not I’m basing it on everything that’s happened over the last few weeks"

He was like "well what now?"

I said "no one can say we haven’t tried, we’ve given it a darn good go, we’ve had some good times together so we should be happy about those things. I’m good with being friends now" (like clearly we wont be close friends but you know I think I can be more civil than last time).

I gave him a chocolate bar and said “I think you’ll need this” and he said “have you got one aswell?” I said “of course I have” and walked away. As I was walking away He said “thank you for being an awesome girlfriend” I smiled 1. because I know that line wasn’t a lie and 2. Because my decision feels right.