security blanket!

CD is on msn as I write this, I look at his name, half of me wants to talk to him, the other part of me doesn't want to cave. I know the part that doesn't want to cave will prevail, because I'm more proud than I let on at times.

I want him to check on me, I want him to ask me how I am, I want him to want to know. However, he's proud to and isn't going to cave either. I expect he's sat looking at my name having similar thought's to me.

I've come to the conclusion that we are so alike but so different. We were both so scared to commit, both so scared about what falling in love meant, that we kept each other at arms length, not letting each other get too close, not wanting to know what it meant if we did. Then on the flip side he lives for experiences, what's the next buzz he can get, what's the next adrenalin rush, whereas me, I live for relationship, I live for people, my curiousity is to know why the stranger I saw sleeping in her car at 5pm was sleeping, was her day at work that bad, did she have no home to go to, if she did would she get no rest so had to get some in now.

You see CD lived for experiences, I live for relationship. We tried to combine the 2 but it didn't change the other thing, it didn't change the fact that when it came to feelings and emotions we were the same, too scared to commit, too scared to love. And how can you risk falling for someone if you're unsure they're going to fall for you back. And that pride of ours, it made us fall but not in love, it made us fall apart.

I hate how I'm more insecure than I realised, however I love that there is someone out there who can be my securuty. Now to find him!