And there it was, like a slap in the face.

For 3 years running at Easter a group of us have gone away together. This group has always contained 5 core people with added extra's each year - you'll probably remember last year I was stressing about Jerk Boy coming as it was his first time.

The Core 5. Are: me, Best Friend, Best Friend's now hubby (who started out on the first year as friend, on the second year as boyfriend, the third year as fiance and now they're married) and another married couple we're friends with. So that was the core 5. However, the first year one of the married couple's brother came and also another guy who was friends with that brother.

The year later one of my girlfriends came along and one of Best Friend's hubby's friends came along (if you search "brain" in this blog you'll probably find him as he had a thing for me).

Last year Jerk Boy and Intellect joined the core 5 and they'd both not been before.

So, to get to the point, we started trying to plan this year. Then the original married couple had to drop out due to work commitments, Jerk Boy can't come coz he has exams to do for work, Intellect can't come coz she's just got herself a flat and is now broke, sothe core 5 had now become the core 3.

Now, I'm pretty used to travelling alone - I don't particularly enjoy travelling alone as I'd much rather do it with people but as a single person I take pride in the fact that I've never NEEDED to be with people constantly and actually I REALLY am quite capable of surviving alone.

I also hang out with couples quite often and as a single person I can see how it's difficult at times but I think that it's only difficult when the couples make it difficult by saying silly things about your singleness or purposely acting like they're not in love because there is a single person in their midst. I've never had an issue with being a gooseberry because lets face it, I've now not been in a serious relationship (that I've been able to share with my friends) for 5 years. So, being single for 5 years means you get to hang around couples a fair bit.

Last night I got a phone call from Best Friend. Best Friend and I - our friendship has changed over the last few years, she's the one I did a lot of travel with when I was younger, she's the one I used to go clubbing with, she's the one I used to stalk the handsome boys with, you know she's best friend. However, now she's married that stuff has stopped understandably but she's still best friend.

So, she calls and she says "Married Couple have dropped out, Intellect has dropped out, Jerk Boy can't come so it would end up being just me, you and hubby going on our easter holiday, so it's probably best we don't go coz you don't want to hang out with just me and hubby"

at the time my response was "ahh ok find we'll give it a miss"

After thinking about it, I suddenly felt SINGLE, EXTREMELY SINGLE. If I had a man in my life I'm convinced that would have been a different conversation. I actually wouldn't have a problem going away with Best Friend and Hubby. I'm quite happy hanging out with them here why would it be different away for a week and I also enjoy my own time and I wouldn't be with them the whole time because I'd be off doing things I'd want to do. So suddenly there it was, like a slap in the face, my being single has made my friends not want to go on holiday with me.

In the pub tonight I went out with Best Friend and the girl from married couple (This blog is difficult to follow I'm so proud of you if you've made it this far) and this conversation happened.

Best Friend: so we could always go on our easter holiday a different week, so married couple can come too as it wont clash with work stuff.

Gretta: It would still be a bit odd for me to come though

Best Friend: why would it?

Gretta: Well, I'd still be with 2 couples.

Best Friend: I thought you'd be happier with 2 couples

Married person: Gretta, you've never had an issue hanging out with me and hubby when it's just been the 3 of us, this isn't like you!! What's made you think this way?

Gretta: Ok, truth is, I'm sorry Best Friend but what you said on the phone the other night made my singleness an issue. You'd see I'd not have a problem going away with just you and hubby, you guys are my friends and ok you're married friends but I'd do my own thing alot of the time anyway, so I came away feeling that me being single was an issue, but not an issue for me but an issue for you.

Best Friend: I'm sorry I didn't realise you felt that way, I thought you wouldn't want to go away with me and hubby alone, I thought I was doing you a favour.

Gretta: I know thats why you did it and I know you didn't mean any harm by it but I just came away feeling like you guys thought I'd be a gooseberry, and whether I go away with 1 couple or 2 couples, I guess I figure I'd still be thought of as the gooseberry.

Anyway, she was really apologetic and I probably will go away with the 2 couples some time after easter. The thing is I totally understand where she was coming from, but where she was coming from made my singleness an issue and to me it isn't! The thing is, I could be single for a heck of a lot longer yet so I'm glad it's all out in the open, I'm just now feeling like I've probably made best friend feel bad, but that wasn't what I wanted to do, it was just it's not like me to be bothered about hanging out with couples or going away with couples, but for some reason it was a problem but not for me!!!

I dunno, I just guess as people grow up things change, part of me wishes I do have a bloke in my life so it would be 6 couples going away, the other part of me thinks why the crap should it matter.

Does this post make sense to anyone, can anyone relate to how I'm feeling or am I alone on this?