The End

Not of this blog.

Just of me and CD. You'll be relieved to know

We broke up last night. OVER MSN!!!! hahaha..

Remember I said about the whole CD saying "I'm needy" as a response to being lonely and JerkBoy saying he'd come round and keep me company. Which was the actual response I wanted from CD. Well, it just got me thinking big time. My inner robot started to malfunction.

I spoke to a guy at work about it all yesterday morning as I was having serious doubts and I wanted to see it from a guys point of view, just in case I was overreacting, and this guy said that CD was probably just ill, and that I shouldn’t pin everything on this week as it’s been a strange week after me being away on holiday without him and him being ill.

CD then turned up at work in the afternoon and said I could go round for dinner that evening, so I thought oh maybe workguy was right.

Anyway, i went round for dinner and he was acting bizarrely, I had to be at a meeting at 8pm for work, so when I was leaving I decided to test him which was naughty of me but now his cold has gone I thought I’d try to snog him (he hadn’t wanted to snog me before but I thought it was because he didn’t watn to give me his cold). So I tried to kiss him and he wouldn’t so I asked him why

And he said I didn’t want to discuss this now as he knew we were seeing each other tonight, and I said “NO. Why wont you kiss me?” and he said that he wanted to cool things off (things haven't been hot for the last month - you just need to read this blog to realise that). And that he’s felt our relationship has changed. I just said I’d felt it too as I’d spoken to work guy about it earlier in the day but I had to go to my meeting so I left it like that...

Then I got home and he’d text me asking me how the meeting was and I said well it’s not like I could concentrate and he said yeah sorry about that, and I just said don’t be sorry I was testing you when I tried to kiss you, coz you’d been acting odd all evening.

So nayway I logged on msn and he was online and we chatted it all through and came to the conclusion that it just isn’t working, that our relationship had been based on function and not passion, that I wasn’t happy in the relationship and he felt he couldn’t love me in the way I deserve to be loved and although we get on really well, we enjoy each others company, we have strong feelings for each other for some reason those things just haven’t been enough.

Last night I felt relieved and this morning I feel ok. I haven’t cried, I feel calm, I’m not angry, I just feel it wasn’t right.

I want to enjoy being single again, I’m quite looking forward to what the future may hold, I feel I have a blank canvas in front of me. I guess last week was a really confusing week for me and now I feel ok. I’m expecting there to be times when I get upset but at this moment, I’m shockingly ok.

So there you have it....

Oh and then I told Best Friend about it all (best friend who has been distant of late) and I told her the difference in response between Jerk Boy and CD when I mentioned being lonely and this is what Best Friend said....

"It's odd what you say about Jerboy, coz I was thinking about that the other day.

This may not be the most helpful thing to say but on the other hand it might help.

I had noticed that when your with JerkBoy, you're so happy, laughing and joking. You guys almost go off into your own world and maybe I shouldn't have compared it to CD but when I saw you & CD together you were never like that. It seemed so serious. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should be with JerkBoy but JerkBoy seemed to be there more for you as a friend than CD did as a boyfriend."

and you know what she's completely right. JerkBoy without fail, has always been there for me.

And he's proving that true, because tonight he's coming round with a comedy DVD, I'm going to bake some muffins and we're going to hit the barcardi together. We may even have a slumber party. Bring it on.