My Secret Life

The dreaded questions

2011-11-21T14:09:00.001-08:00

Gretta? When are you going to get yourself a man? Don't you think it's about time?

After you've gone longer than a year single people begin to ask this question, some people have the tact not to ask knowing it might be a sensitive issue, others don't realise it may cause upset and ask away.

two incidents have happened recently that have really highlighted my single status.

The first being I was at the pub with some of my married friends. Two guys walk in.

Married Friend 1: Gretta did you notice the guys that just walked in you should go talk to them.

Right, that's just lovely, two guys walk in they must be on the pull and I must have noticed them well funnily enough married friend I didn't notice them and nor do I want to go talk to them I came here to spend time with my friends not to pick up guys but yeah I'm single it must occupy my mind all the fucking time right.

The second was my aunty and this incident made me cry. I called her to invite her on a Christmas shopping trip with some of my other aunts and the conversation went a bit like this

Gretta: I wondered if you fancied coming on a christmas shopping trip

Aunty: Gretta isn't it about time you found yourself a nice man

Gretta: well yes but that's not what I'm ringing to talk about

Aunty: you're a pretty and nice girl you should have a man. I saw a guy on tv the other day and thought he'd be perfect for you.

Well that's just fucking great you're trying to set me up with random men you see on tv. I couldn't be bothered with the phone conversation and ended up gutting it short and going to have a cry.

When you hit a certain age people expect you to be taken, if you're not they start to assume you're a lesbian and if you're neither taken or gay they then expect you to hit on every man you see just in case he's the one.

Is it any wonder I've come to the conclusion that I can't be fucking bothered anymore. The men I date screw me over and my female family friends seem to think having a guy screw you over is better than being single or gay. Somehow I'd rather be single and gay then taken with any random Tom, dick or harry.

RANT OVER!

For now (hopefully not ever)

2011-11-08T12:24:00.001-08:00

I'm wondering if I'm destined to be single forever.....

I haven't been in a relationship since 2009. In fact I've been single for 2 years and almost 2 months.

I've had a few flirts and I've had a few dates and I've had a few bits of fun. However, 2 years and 2 months this is one heck of a long dry spell to have no inkling of a relationship.

And okay so I might be getting some cyber sex and some interesting conversation but it doesn't (for me) fill that gap of real close intimacy that you have when the man is in your bed next to you, when you're exploring each other and when you're just content to be with someone.

I just guess I always thought I'd have met someone by now but maybe my high standards of wanting to be treated with the respect I deserve are just too darn high. No they're not. I'm not going to settle for the guy who uses me as his mistress, I'm not going to settle for the guy who wants me as an internet frill, I will settle for a guy who commits to me. The reason I can't find that it is probably because last year I think I gave up looking but my theory is if he's worth my time then he'll find me.

For now I'm done with men. And I'm kind of okay with that (for now).

The Suit and the telephone

2011-11-04T06:19:00.000-07:00

So The Suit rang today to speak to someone in a different department. I took his call. I didn't realise it was him until he said his name and at the point I didn't feel ready to flirt with him. Dammit.

Why can't I get my flirt on with this guy.

The suit...

2011-11-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

The Suit came in the offices today.

I walked down the stairs and there he was in the reception area talking to my boss. I smiled at him and I could see he wanted to speak to me but my boss just kept chatting to him, he mouthed a "hello" to which I replied "hello" and smiled back.

However, the boss was still mid flow and there was no way I could interrupt and no way he could turn to make conversation with me. I continued to walk off to the department I was heading. When I came back he was gone.

The issue I have with The Suit is it's always short and it's always brief and today it was really just "hello".

Let's hope we can get somewhere further but lets stay far away from goodbye.

Guess who's back, back again.

2011-10-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

Biker and I seem to be getting back to talking all the time. I know I was so unbelievably mad at him but I guess there is a fine line between love, hate, revenge and reverse.

Seems I'm in reverse. I feel like I'm going back to before when he made me feel like such a princess! I still sometimes wonder if he could possibly be my prince. I know he went for that other girl but turns out they didn't even kiss. Just went on a few dates but he couldn't bring himself to kiss her. He says it's because she wasn't me and the way he has been behaving this last couple of weeks I'm inclined to believe him. That and I'd quite like some attention for a while.

Karma Sweet Karma

2011-10-13T05:45:00.001-07:00

Hello. My name is Gretta. And I am a bitch!

As most of you know I was most put out by a certain guy that goes by the name of Biker for fucking me over in quite a royal fucking way.

I toyed with revenge, I toyed with screwing him up, I toyed with lots of fucking ideas to get my own back but in the end let this bitter girl wollow rather than fight back.

Seems doing nothing was the right thing to do because it's come to my attention that Karma is fucking so much sweeter than revenge.

Biker (who I have purposely been nice as pie to) no longer wants the girl he has been seeing and he has the pleasure of telling her. He's dreading it and although I'm acting friendly and supportive my inner bitch is loving every second.

What goes around comes around Biker. You now don't have me or your new girl and it feels so sweet.

So yeah just to reiterate: My name is Gretta. And I am a bitch.

The suit still

2011-10-12T14:34:00.001-07:00

The Suit has emailed me twice regarding work stuff. He's soooooooooooooooo serious. I'm trying to get my flirt on but he isn't getting the hint.

I've met an American Soldier on a dating site. He's in Afghanistan his stories are interesting yet not very nice. I'm loving skyping with him. He's really good looking as well.

That's all from me for now.

Love Gretta x

The Suit

2011-09-29T03:45:00.000-07:00

I've been itching for The Suit to visit the offices again. And... He hasn't!

Ass hole!

2011-09-23T03:54:00.000-07:00

I spoke to Biker today. What an idiot I am. I've come away feeling terrible I went and cried in the bathroom. The guy is fucking twat!!!!

I wish Mr Tall was online. I really do....

Why did I have to speak to him it had been a whole week of no contact why did I have to ruin that. Why? Why?

I was doing so well. I really thought I was putting him and my feeling behind me and then bang I talk to him and he's an idiot AND I was tempted to tell him that and then stopped myself.

His response to me was "It's been a while I've been meaning to catch up with you" No you fucking haven't. YOu've been on skype every day for the last few days and you havent spoken to me so how have you been meaning to catch up with me.... How?

GOD HE FUCKING ANNOYED ME.

When I realised how pent up I was getting I kept the conversation short and told him I had to get back to work he then said...

"We'll have to have a decent catch up soon".

The way he makes me feels a decent catch up would be me telling him he's a fucking ass hole and no different to any other guy.

He must have been having cybersex with me while getting it on with this new girl. Gosh if I wasn't a nice person I'd so want to screw things up for him but as I am a nice person I'll just rant my anger out here.

Biker from NZ you made me feel like I was the only girl in the world and then screwed me over and now I feel like a complete tool. I won't allow you to ever make me feel that way again. Ass hole

Progress!

2011-09-22T04:57:00.000-07:00

Remember this guy http://grettajameshassecrets.blogspot.com/2011/09/hot-hot-hotty.html well I'm going to call him The Suit.

The Suit was in our offices yesterday. He was here to have a meeting with a bunch of people that my boss had set up for him and this project idea. Anyway I was on meet and greet duty and he had to leave slightly earlier than some of the others to get back to his day job and finally managed to speak to him.

I said "how did it go?"

He said "yeah good just I have to get back to work now"

And then I let him go. I view those 4 words without blushing as progress!

Mr Tall my angel!

2011-09-21T08:26:00.000-07:00

Mr Tall has been fucking brilliant!

I told him all about Biker and how lonely I'd been and basically spilled my heart out to him and he just understood.

He is now there for me like you wouldn't believe. If I feel the need to contact Biker I instead contact Mr Tall. He's patient with me, he lets me be sad.

Today Biker was on Skype and Mr Tall was on facebook. I was so desperate to talk to Biker so I spoke to Mr Tall instead. Mr Tall chatted to me until Biker had signed off. And even though I was disappointed the Biker hadn't initiated a conversation with me I didn't mind quite so much because I just felt like Mr Tall, in that moment, looked after me. And in that moment, that is exactly what I needed.

Who's number 1? Not me!

2011-09-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

I hate the way I'm no longer Biker's number one.

There was once a time he'd jump at the chance to skype me now he's on there, letting me see him on there and I know he's talking to her and not me and I wonder what thehy talk about and I half want it to go wrong and then because of distance want it to work for him.

I hate that I'm not his number 1 anymore and I can't wait until he's not mine.

Pulled it back.....

2011-09-14T06:25:00.000-07:00

Thankfully, I sent Biker a message saying I'd joined hte dating site on his recommendation and had a sneaky peek at his profile. He messaged me back asking how I was finding the site.

So, all in all. Turns out well.

Haven't mentioned stalking her too but don't think really there was any need.

Phewwy it. Perfect Save!

And Scotty. I miss you x

Shit panic back

2011-09-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

Just looked at his profile again to see when he last logged on and it said

"Biker currently online"

SHIT SHIT SHIT.

Although hopefully she's not and he'll know I stalked him. I guess.

panic over

2011-09-13T13:54:00.000-07:00

I found the option to turn off the thing so members cant see that I've viewed their profile.

Although my profile has had another 5 hidden views within 20minutes and Biker is still online so it could be him.

Oh well what's done.. is done.

Online Dating Drama of a stalking kind! Whoops

2011-09-13T13:36:00.001-07:00

As far as idiotic decisions go. I've mad an epic one this evening.

EPIC!!!!!

I have to admit I've been rather curious about Biker's other woman and all through our online lover/friendship/cybersex thing we have stalked each other. He's read my blog (not this blog), he'd found my facebook page, he'd looked into me. And I'd done the same with him I'd found him on his biking sites and facebook stalked him. We have both been honest about the way we stalk each other it's just what we do.

Yet this evening as I was sat here looking at him on Skype realising he had no intention to strike up conversation with me I got curious about this other woman. I know he she is on facebook because I pinpointed the time he added her as the time he got distant from me and her info that thankfully wasn't private backed up what he'd been telling me. However her profile is private and I wanted to figure out a bit more about her.

Biker had told me the site he'd met her on and it's a worldwide dating site and you can look at other pages in the world so I signed up for a free trial on this site so I could track them down. And also see if there was anyone I'd be interested in as well. Which there happened to be so I emailed him. Hot Guy doesn't live too far from me maybe about an hours drive away. Anyhow back to my point...

I first found Biker on the site, read his profile and there he was the man I'd gotten so close to since Jan sharing himself on this dating site and then I searched for her and true enough her pic resembled the facebook friend.

Then I decided to take a look at my profile and that's when panic set in. YOu know the panic when stalking just goes a bit wrong......

Gretta James 2 people have viewed your profile to see who "click here"

I clicked and sure enough my name appeared and so did a 55 year old grey man. This isn't why I was panicking.

If that's on my profile it is also gona be on Biker's profile and it is also gona be on her profile. I think she's going to find it slightly odd that a girl in the UK has been looking at her profile pic and if she puts two and two together or is as good at stalking as me then she's gona know I'm on Biker's facebook page.

Time to change my facebook profile pic to something very obscure.

I have a funny feeling Biker isn't going to be too pleased if he finds out about this and I'm not sure how I can hide it :s

Hot hot hotty!

2011-09-13T08:18:00.000-07:00

There's this guy (not biker). This guy is a guy that has been having meetings with my boss. He's good looking, he is always well dressed -suited with nice shoes. He's an accountant as a day job but he's trying to get our company on board with a project he's starting up. Unfortunately it's not something our company is interested in but he seems to have hit it off with the boss and I've been seeing him about the offices fairly frequently.

It would be a lie if I said I didn't fancy him slightly but our contact is always so brief.

Anyway, I've looked at his finger adn there is no ring on it. I've looked up his facebook page and he doesn't use it frequently but nor does it say he's taken.

I don't really know why I've investigated him because everytime he's around shy Gretta kicks in. I don't know how to flirtily converse with him. The nack disappears and I turn into this timid girl who he probably thinks is a right dope.

Yet. I can't help but fancy him. So next time he's in I must with all that's within me make conversation with him.

Just have no idea when he's in next and the boss is on his hols. DARN IT!

From online lover to online agony aunt!

2011-09-12T08:32:00.001-07:00

I've become an agony aunt.

Now Biker wants to share with me what he likes and what he dislikes about his new venture.....

Apparently she's full on and is pressuring him to be in a relationship which he's not sure he's ready for but then... She's jsut an extrovert and maybe he's reading too much into it.

Well what is she?

Anyway I told him honesty is the best policy although they chat heaps online they've only actually had 2 dates. It is ok for it tp take a little longer before jumping straight in. Be honest with her.

He says it's not love at first sight for him but he'll take each day as it ocmes and see if it grows.

Thats all he really can do!

How dare he!

2011-09-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

As Biker was out on his second official date with this girl he's met I was at home wishing he was online. When he finally appeared he congratulated England's win on the rugby. Which made me knew he'd been thinking of me. He even told me I was the reason he was online.

However, tonight is a different matter as he gets up to start today our conversation faded out and as our conversation faded I knew it was because he was in a conversation with the other girl on facebook.

Geez I've never met the guy how is he having this darn effect on em? its stupid. I know I have to back away and let him get on with this new girl but I don't want to I kind of watned to keep him until I meet someone. How dare he meet someone first. How dare he!

Biker's confession

2011-09-09T06:41:00.001-07:00

Things with Biker adn I haven't been the same since he said he wanted to be "Just" friends with no funny business.

I remember not really understanding at the time but it's become clearer and clearer.

Today I asked him straight out

Gretta: we said if we ever met someone else we'd be honest with each other because of the distance between us. I can't help but think that you must have met someone else, you can be honest with me I will be ok.

Biker: You're right I have met someone else. I met her on a dating site and she lives not far from me and you live over the otherside of the world. I've only met her once and to be honest I don't know if she's the one but I feel like I shouldn't rule it out

We continued talking for some time and he shared her good and bad points with me so far part of me felt that he'd continued to talk to me to keep his options open but the other part of me is really happy that he's met someone. I didn't realise how online you could feel so close to someone who lives so far away and one point I felt everso close to him and now I just feel like it's the end of an era. A darn good era it was tho....

To be honest there is one hting I know... If he had met me this woman wouldn't even be in the picture. There was an underlying tone all through out conversation and the tone was "she's not you" I didn't let him know that I knew what he was implying tho I just encouraged him to go for it secretly know that she's not me.

I think I want to marry you!

2011-09-09T06:11:00.000-07:00

Mr Tall: Hey Gretta guess what?

Gretta: I don't know just tell me

Mr Tall: I stand to make a lot of money on my property. I've had a developer knock on my door offering me over £1,000.000 for it. It's because of the land it's on - they want to use the land.

Gretta: Well that's quite a bit of money so are you gona sell up?

Mr Tall: No. I think I'm gona make them pissed but their offer had too many conditions attached I want something simpler. I've spoken to an estate agent he reckons I could probably get a slightly higher price with less conditions so I'm hanging on. I also found out they'd illegally already made plans if they did own my properly dividing it up into what they want to do - just assuming I am gona sell, well I'm not too impressed with that. As these developers have already bought out both my neighbours. Their gona be sooo pissed when I turn them down.

Gretta: I think I might want to marry you. Obviously for your charm and wit and for no other reason whatsoever!

Nipples

2011-09-07T14:29:00.000-07:00

My nipples are telling me one thing and one thing only...

It's cold outside!

Things change

2011-09-01T05:46:00.000-07:00

I'm back talking to Biker regularly but things, things are just different now!

Nothing to say...... When a picture tells the story!

2011-08-28T15:13:00.001-07:00

Confused some!

2011-08-26T07:30:00.000-07:00

I spoke to Biker yesterday. It felt really weird, strained even but I think it's getting easier. I had weird dreams last night but they weren't Biker related. He was online earlier but I didn't talk to him and he didn't talk to me. He says he wants us to be friends so if that's the case I'mg guessing we will chat online this weekend.

I'm staying at Best Friends adn Hubbys house this weekend to look after their cat. It should be good.

Oh Mr Tall was online today first time in AGGEESS! He's been seeing a girl but it came to an end last weekend. He's heading to the states for a few months from Jan. I joked saying I could take a few weeks holiday and go with him or meet him ot there. He seemed to agree with this and said I'd be more than welcome. So I may just do it. If Biker doesn't want me at least Mr Tall will look after me a bit. Mr Tall - what a joke. He's so non committal it's amazing and yet he's the one who wants to hang out with me and Biker who seemed committed doesn't.

Life gets so damn confusing sometimes

Is he thinking of me?

2011-08-24T04:05:00.000-07:00

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night at about 3.30am. I knew there was something missing and then I remembered that it was Biker.

He's not online again. It's been 2 whole days and he hasn't readded me to facebook. My insecurities are overwhelming me.

One day we're having cybersex the next it's all over and at a time when I've never felt closer to him. He must be missing me to, he can't not be we've been talking daily since January and now he's just gone.

The more I htink about it, the more odd it seems.

Men. I don't know why I keep picking the shitty ones.

Just Friends

2011-08-23T06:13:00.001-07:00

Biker and I are going to see how we do with being "just" friends and we're going to be limiting the amount of time we spend talking.

I re-added him on facebook but he hasn't accepted me.

It's been 24 hours since we last speak and I'm an insecure mess. Has he met someone? is this why he's suddenly wanting things to change. Why doesn't he want me to go out there and see if this could be something.

Why have I come to the place where I'm willing to take risks for this guy and why won't he let me?

My head is full of questions. But the one thing I know is how I'm feeling and that's like I've lost something that I really should have realised sooner that I wouldn't want to lose this. I don't want to lose this. And I think I've left it too late.

Story of my life

2011-08-22T05:53:00.000-07:00

I've been utterly miserable.

Utterly.

I can't bare the thought of being apart from biker.

I skyped him this morning and suggested going NZ for 2 weeks before the end of the year and then if we got on applying for a work visa to move out for a year.

Now he's full of excuses. I'm not ready for a relationship, I shouldn't leave my family, I don't want to lose the friendship but we've been too intense for too long.

Hang about - he's been the intense one. And now I get serious he runs.

He said "Gretta what's changed? it was always you that was aware of the distance, always you trying to slow things down always you preventing us from getting too close and now you want to come out here..How long have you been thinking this way? What changed? "

Well I guess I let Biker in. I guess that's what changed. And not only that but the thought of not talking to him is making me so darn miserable. He says he missed me this weekend were we didn't speak to talk things through but he still wants things to change between us he wnats us to be friends and no more because we're holding each other back.

Fine. Whatever. He's not even good looking, not my type, and if he was here in reality I'd probably have avoided him but online I've gotten to know someone I would have avoided in reality and I liked him, he was sweet, he had a big heart and he showed me that some men are decent. Until now, now he's rejecting me, he says he's doing it for me but once again in the words of Celine Dion

"Are you thinking about YOU or us?"

I'm thinking he's thinking about himself. Men regardless of how nice they are can still be so darn selfish.

BABY think twice

2011-08-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

Biker and I have what I call an online "friendship". I met him on a dating website back in January but he lives in New Zealand. We started chatting on skype and got on brilliantly. If only he lived closer! Due to the distance we accepted that we'd only be friends. However, we kind of have been soothing each other's loneliness and I guess maybe we've taken the online friendship into online lovers partaking in cyber sex and emotional closeness. In fact if it wasnt for the fact it was online it would be a realtionship shairing our deepests needs and desires with each other.

This however came to a head this morning. Biker is worried that we're getting in so deep that we'll hold each other back if we do meet someone. He said "Gretta if you met someone now if I were your friend I should be happy for you but to be honest if you met someone now I would be hurt, jealous and devastated". This concerns me because we can't be together.

Truth is I'd been considering a trip to meet him but now as my dad is so poorly and my sister is pregnant its just not the right time. Biker respects that I need to be with my family but because he runs his own small business that's only just getting off the ground he can't afford to take time off. I asked him if we could meet somewhere in the middle for a few weeks just to see if we got on and then to see if it could be more in the future but he really can't take tiem off.

He doesn't think we can continue whatever it is that is between us at risk of either one of us getting hurt.

I think it's too late. I've been listening to TOny Rich nobody knows it but me on repeat, followed by Celine Dion Think Twice. The lyrics to those songs are exactly how I feel. I dont want this to end but Biker doesnt want it to continue.

I deleted him off facebook and blocked him on skype but before the day was out I found myself emailing him telling him this "I'm sad"

He replied saying "I'm sad to but something had to change. I want us to find a compromise so we can still be friends I don't want to lose you completely*

I didn't realise you could get in so deep with someone you've never met, just an online persona but since January I've spoken to him almost daily and the thought of not havingn that hurts like he.ll..

And maybe he has been a cure for loneliness but he's been nothing but lovely in all of his messages and has restored my faith somewhat that there are some decent guys out there who really do want to treat women well.

And yes he's right we can't continue, ultimately we are holding each other back - we're spending so much time online chatting to each other we're not out and about meeting new people, but the thing is. I like chatting to him. Because I like him. I really like him. And now I've lost him, or I've lost whatever it is that we had and that hurts, in fact I feel sick, I've cried and I've drifted off in thought wondering if he's thinking about me and if he's feeling just as hurt as I am.

I'm dying inside and nobody knows it but me

No hangover

2011-08-20T00:15:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly.

But. Went to bed at 2am wide awake at 8am.

This can't be good!

A reminder of a life that once was.

2011-08-19T17:33:00.000-07:00

I went out tonight.

It was the first time I'd been out on the time since I don't know wheN. It is only 1.30am and I'm at home witing this. That should give you the idea of the night it was. Back in teh day this ayh have beena 4am post.

Hoeber, by typos and spelling erros that i canp be arsed to crrect uught give you an idea of how muc alchole consumed.

The restaurant got the order worng and when I requested to epale ot the manager about this. The mana ger came and spoke to me. I polielt asked for a refun d and the manager said she can'toffer oseme a refun b0t she can offe rmt taleb 4 bottles of free wine and any soft drinks for those drinking sofr dtring. Well as it happens nly 6 people ont eht taleb were drinking wine and 4 people sfot drinks so at a table for 10 we had a LOOOOTO OF WINE.

Im pissed totally. I;ve flallne donw, skagged my tights, bruised my knee. been to wee at eleast 3 imes in the last housr

Ive trued to drink 3 pints of water beofe ogojng to bed ad the room is still fucking spining.

If you undersant this you desrve a medal. Here havew one! *passes reader a medal*

I'm drink.

Pale Prune! SHIT

2011-08-16T15:06:00.001-07:00

It's my birthday tomorrow and unfortunately I have the wrinkles to prove it.

This year my forehead got liney. Both my nan and my gran when they were alive were the wrinkliest old women I ever did meet. This I instantly knew was bad news for me. It was as if from the moment I was born I was destined to be wrinkly.

However, I wasn't expecting to have quite the amount of lines that I do on my head before I reach 30. I can't afford botox. I know this because I've looked into the cost of botox because seriously I need botox. These lines serious appeared like no one's business. This time last year not a wrinkle in sight.

I now have to have a hairstyle with a fringe. I can no longer clip my fringe back and put my hair in a ponytail to make my hair last that one last day without a wash. Oh no!!!! Those days are loooong gone.

I find myself looking at other people's foreheads who are my age. Even my older sister has no wrinkles. How did she fucking get away with that she has the same bloody genes. However she started going grey when she was 20 and I'm still yet to find my first grey hair. I'd love to view this as a positive but quite frankly it's all a bit shit. I can afford hair dye.

I figure if I was in my 60s my lines would be warming, sweet, friendly, sexy for a 60 year old even. BUT I haven't even got half way there yet.

Now I realise I'm not just destined to be wrinkly I'm desined to look like a pasty prune.

This my friends is pure fucking agony. You try knowing your destiny is to be a pasty prune and see how you feel.

Happy (no botox and an awful lot of lines) birthday to me.

It hurts

2011-08-05T04:54:00.000-07:00

I am so used to guys letting me down to get me to open up and unzip my hurting thoughts seems to be tough feat for the male of the species.

I have online friend. YOu may remember I mentioned him previously a guy called Biker. Although Biker and I aren't in a relationship we've continued chatting. He's single, I'm single and we have this rule that we'll jsut chat to stop the loneliness until one or the other meets someone or gets off their ass and visits.

So, yesterday Biker was online and he was asking me about my dad but I just didn't want to talk to him about my dad. I was at work and at risk of tears if the conversation got deep plus I didn't want to talk about it I wanted him to take my mind off it. When I didn't talk about it he kind of finished the conversation and went to bed. This hurt. I felt rejected because I wouldn't open up.

Today he came online and said he was talking to another friend because she was down and needs a job. I suddenly realised he feels needed when people open up and share with him and I couldn't.

Fucking shit shit fuck!

2011-08-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

To say life is just a bit shit at the moment is an understatement. Life is fucking shit and it still doesn't give it the added boost it needs to emphasize my point that life is shit.

My old man is in hospital too poorly to have the op he needs to get better. Yes Shit.

I went out last night and Jerkboy and his girlfriend (who he might propose to shortly) were there and although I like his girlfriend she really is such a princess... Here is some of her facebook status' this week..

"said to Jerkboy, if we should ever have babies I have all the names already picked out, except a middle name for a boy, you can have that one. So he thought about it for a millisecond and said, How about Jerkboy? Haha "

"having yummy cocktails with Jerkboy"

"love is sitting through Rocky Horror without complaining because you know it makes someone else happy :0)"

"My plan for the day off work: watch Bolt, have breakfast, workout, have a bath, get dressed and spend afternoon with Jerkboy. Yeay"!

"wishes it was yesterday again and that I was walking in the sunshine with Jerkboy and having a yummy lunch"

Did I mention I quite like this girl regardless of the fact that she is a facebook drip and I hate facebook drips. Oh and I'm sure every time I opened my mouth last night there was a hint of bitchiness in my tone. I wish I could control that better but I can't. I have no reason to be a bitch to this girl none whats0ever. I don't know what my problem is. Oh yes I do my problem is life is shit at the moment and her facebook comments makes her life sound so fucking perfect.

Telling myself: Every little thing is going to be al-right.

2011-08-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

Things are really tough at the moment. My dad is very poorly. He's having a major heart operation this week and to be honest it's not a certainty that he'll make it through.

It's just really hard. I've played it down to most of my friends, shrugging it off in hope that he will make it through. But deep down I know sending a very poorly man for a very major operation has pretty huge risks.

What I really need is for someone to hug me and tell me it's all going to be al-right but I wont allow anyone close enough. So instead I write this because sometimes writing takes one heck of a weight off of these very heavy shoulders.

Nothing going on here!

2011-07-28T04:23:00.001-07:00

I wish I had something interesting going on to talk about but I don't....

I'll be back when I do!

Booked

2011-07-21T05:59:00.000-07:00

I've booked a long weekend in London in August. So need to get away, can't wait to catch up with some of my London friends it's been too friggin' long!

Things men shouldn't put on a dating profile

2011-07-20T13:35:00.001-07:00

Yep I've once again been surfing through the online dating profiles and sometimes I just want to email the male of the species to tall them where they're going wrong....

1. Do not put "intense" as your personality type. Who wants to intentionally date an "intense" guy. Seriously...

2. Do not say you're looking for a sporty, energetic girl. I'm average. I'm not a lazy slacker but nor would I call myself sporty or energetic and guess what by putting you want that you've just ruled out 90% actually make that 100% of the girls on the website. The majority of girls on a dating site let me tell you aren't going to be super fit, they're going to be average. Sorry girls!

3. Do not put on your profile that you want a girl who wants heaps of children. Really leave that until you've been dating for at least 6months AT THE LEAST.

4. Don't put up a blurry pic so no one can actually tell what you look like you're not gona get any girl that way.

Oh maybe with age I'm just the fussy one - who freaking knows! This online dating lark is a right sorry state of affairs.

Attention Seeking again

2011-07-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

I wanted attention.

I looked through my mobile phones at all the potentials from the past and realised that the majority had now settled. It was a sorry state of affairs and then I came across Mr Tall's number as far as I'm aware he's still available, still good looking and still sometimes comes across as semi interested in me . YOu can read about Mr Tall here.

I text him... In fact I made up a complete lie to be able to text him.

Text: So I saw someone dressed as a pirate today. My first thought was that guy is odd, my second thought was the last time I saw someone dressed as a pirate was Mr Tall at Craigs Fancy Dress party. A very good night if I remember rightly ;).

It seemed my purposefully flirty text didn't go down so well because I didn't get a reply. The next day I logged into facebook. Facebook chat was on and so was Mr Tall

Facebook chat...

Mr Tall: Hey Gretta, I was hoping you'd be online I got your text yesterday but I couldn't reply my phone is broken and not letting me send texts at the moment. I did laugh a lot though you really made my day. It would be good to meet up soon when are you free?

Then facebook chat crashed and when I logged on again, he'd gone. I sent him a message and he's still yet to reply. Sometimes, just sometimes. I hate waiting.

Another one bites the dust!

2011-07-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

Best Friend: Gretta don't tell Jerkboy I told you this but I think JerkBoy's going to get engaged. He was chatting to Hubby the other day before they were heading to their boxing class and he was asking him about rings and flowers and well I think he's thinking about proposing.

Gretta: *tried to hide the fact she really didn't want to hear that or believe that* yeah him and his girlfriend were out the other night and I heard them talking quite openly about marriage and I saw that Jerkboy wasn't freaked out. He loves her that I know.

Now i'm sat at home and the true response, the one going round in my head is..... SHIT SHIT SHIT. Jerkboy? Married? SHIT!

Unidentified Flying Object!

2011-07-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

At the pub with some friends

Guy we vaguely know: So one night I saw a big yellow circle in the sky

Girl 1: The sun?

Guy we vaguely know: No it wasn't the sun it was moving very slowly and it was like a big ball of fire.

Girl 2: It sounds like the sun

Gretta: *after trying to hold back the giggles can't help but start giggling* I'm sorry, I'm sorry but are you trying to tell us you've seen a UFO?

Guy we vaguely know: I did see a UFO I believe it was a UFO

Girl 1: Sorry I just don't believe in UFOs

Gretta: Are you sure it wasn't a Chinese Lantern.

Guy we vaguely know: No, it was a huge ball of fire that looked like the sun but was travelling too low to be the sun and anyway it was night-time so it wasn't the sun. It was bonfire night last year and all my brothers saw it as well.

Gretta: So could have been a flare firework or a firework gone wrong. There are heaps of brightly coloured things in teh sky on bonfire night.

Guy we vaguely know: No it was a UFO.

Girl 2: Anyway moving on does anybody fancy a game of Jenga?

cough!

2011-07-12T12:50:00.001-07:00

I feel ill :(

Another one bites the dust but dust settles and so will I.

2011-07-07T06:58:00.000-07:00

I'd hardly heard from Teddy since meeting up in May. It wasn't an issue I know we always catch up eventually. When I realised actually it was getting to be quite a while I wrote him an email.

I got a reply the very next day, a reply telling me about his new girlfriend. The first "girlfriend" he's had since, well since me. Although I'm not quite sure a fling/holiday romance 6 years ago can be classed as a girlfriend but it's the most serious "thing" he's had since me.

If he'd sent this email before May I would have been hurt beyond measure but now I'm just so happy for him. I've seen her pic and she just looks lovely and suited to him. I think she'll do him the world of good. It's about time he had a stable lady in his life and even though his facebook status hasn't changed (yet). He's calling her his girlfriend and I'm just so darn happy for him.

To me he's the male version of me and if he can settle then so can I... then so can I!

chin chin

2011-07-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

Jerkboy bought his girlfriend a beautiful large bunch of flowers today. She couldn't wait to show them off all over facebook.

At first I felt kind of proud - that sounds weird I know but I feel partly responsible for the person he had become. I've told him waht girls want, what they mean etc etc.

Like it or not I know he listened to me.

At second I felt a little sad. I miss that attention when all in relationships are going well and like it or not I've lost the boy who looks after me when things are going wrong. I had some crappy news today and I couldn't turn to Jerkboy for support because his girlfriend was showing her flowers off all over facebook.

I wanted him to be there for me and I had to accept that I'm not his number 1 girl anymore.

Enough selfpity I'M GOINg to enjoy my wine instead - chin chin!

Nearly on his wavelength?!

2011-06-26T09:25:00.000-07:00

Jerkboy: I really like that dress you're wearing - do you know why?

Gretta: *looks down at the dress she's wearing* because it's slightly see-through and I have to wear shorts under it?

Jerkboy: *looks Gretta up and down* no it wasn't that. Although now you're stood in the light I see what you mean. I like it because it makes your boobs look even bigger than usual.

Gretta: Actually, that's probably the bra I'm wearing...

Jerkboy: Well, I now also like the bra you're wearing.

Gretta: Thanks!

The 'nice' rejection!

2011-06-13T14:03:00.001-07:00

It was the nicest rejection email I'd ever received. Actually it's probaby the only 'rejection email' I've ever received but still he's a nice guy, maybe too nice for me and the email went like this.

Gretta it was nice to meet you and I did like you but there awkward moments and that might have been because of it being a first meeting. It's just I didn't think we had a lot in common. If it' ok with you I don't particularly want to meet again.

How nice was that email? Ridiculously nice. So I replied

"I completely understand you seem like a nice guy but there was awkwardness. Thanks for the message. All the best. Gretta".

And just like that it was done and dusted and I'm not one bit upset. Before I met him I thought he was "nice", when I was with him I thought he was "nice", now he's sent me a rejection email and I still think he's "nice". And in true Gretta style I'm just not sure "nice" is what I want or what I need right now and that's ok with me!

First Date!

2011-06-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

So there I stood waiting. I knew he was on his way he'd text me to say he was just parking. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, I was nervous but I didn't want it to show. I told myself "calm down Gretta it's just a date it's not like you haven't been on a date before". Trouble is I hadn't been on a date for well over a year (not really) and I was cacking my pants. The run up to the date had already been a bit of a faff too.

Text to Jerkboy: I don't know what to wear?

Text back from Jerkboy: short skirt and low cut top

Text back: That's not helpful. It's just lunch so I'm wearing jeans, a vest top and a cardi - very casual.

Text back: just don't go too casual you want to appear like you've made some sort of effort.

(I ended up choosing a different top slightly dressier but still with the jeans). I'd rang Jerkboy the day before to explain about the date and for internet safety reasons. The conversation went a bit like this "I'm going to give you this information and then if he tries to kill me I'll tell him I've told someone all about it and if he succeeds in killing me you'll most likely locate my body in the river"

So I stood waiting and then I spotted him walking towards me. I was partly shocked that I realised it was him so soon because I'd only seen pictures and the pics weren't that great. Then there was that awkward moment. How do I greet this person I'm going to spend the next few hours with? I opted for a friendly hug and then we set out to the waterfront.

We found a bar and chatted quite happily and I soon realised that my heart had stopped thumping in my chest and I had the opportunity to take him in.

He was short but handsome, in fact more handsome than his pics. I'm guessing he's not very photogenic. He was wearing glasses and had lovely blue eyes, there was a slight tinge of ginger in his eyebrows although his hair colouring was definitely brown. He was thinning on top but he carried it well. He was wearing a bright blue superdry t-shirt, some nicely fitting jeans and some k-swish trainers. He had dressed well, he looked good and I was impressed.

I insisted on paying my half of the lunch bill and he didn't try to pay or take over and I liked that I didn't want to seem like I wasn't willing to pay although I did allow him to buy my drinks. I kind of thought that was the fair middle ground although I'm not really sure how things work these days. Anybody would think I hadn't had a date for 10 years.

We strolled along the waterfront and there were a few awkward silences but we both took turns trying to fill them. It felt like he was making effort and even though it didn't always flow perfectly the silences were kind of expected in a first meeting so I just rolled with them.

Then came the awkward goodbye and it was awkward. He asked "what do you want to do now, would you like to go somewhere else or do you want to split?" I didn't know how to respond to that, had he not been having a good time? did he want to get away from me? Did I want to spend more time with him? or was I ready to leave? It was the sort of question I didn't want to answer. I didn't mind either option and I knew he had to get back for dinner with friends later. So I said "I don't mind either way but you've got to get back to meet your friends at some point" He said "ok we'll split" almost a bit too quickly like that was my decision even though it wasn't quite what I'd said. It felt awkward and it was awkward. "I'll email you tomorrow" he said and I said "yeah that would be good" And to make it even more awkward.... I opted for a friendly hug goodbye. I have no idea why. It just felt that it was the right thing to do - I've always hated goodbyes I really need to learn how to do them better.

I got home and I text Jerkboy

Text: I'm alive.

Reply: But is he?

Text: haha

Reply: No seriously. How did it go...

And then I called Jerkboy...

Gretta on phone: He was nice, I had a nice time, there were awkward moments but I'd expected that and yeah he was nice.

Jerkboy: you gona see him again?

Gretta on phone: well yeah he was nice so if he asks yeah I will. I can't really tell from the first meet up when we were both nervous and yeah he was nice. It's just I guess I'm not sure if I want "nice".

Jerkboy: haha and there is the Gretta I know. Well I guess you just have to wait and see.

And that was that.

I hate dating, I feel too old for it, I hate the run up to it and I definitely hate deciding what to wear on a day like today too when it's not quite hot enough to wear a summer dress but not quite cold enough to wear my funky long sleeved top. I hate the pre-wait nerves and wondering if you'll click, I hate having to fill awkward silences, and I hate awkward goodbyes. But if I want to not have to date then I kind of have to go on a few dates or stay single forever and I think the thought of staying single forever is maybe just a tad worse than the than that thought of having to endure another few first dates..

So, now I wait to see if I get a second date. I just wish I was a bit more bothered but at least I don't feel pressure.

Messed up good and proper

2011-06-07T06:30:00.000-07:00

I can't remember the last time I cried like this.... Like a baby!!!

I have been studying for the past year and I've worked really hard. I've had to write an essay every week and thankfully I've passed all my essays with only tiny bits of extra work to do. There are 3 units: practice unit, essay unit and exam unit - you have to pass all 3 to get the qualification.

The last few weeks I have revised as much as I can for an exam that I had today.

Nothing I revised was in the exam, I almost want to murder my tutor who told me what to revise and what was most likely to be in the exam. My mind also went completely blank and nerves totally got the better of me. I am totally convinced I have failed at the last hurdle after being up there with the top students in the class. I'm not sure how I got it so flipping wrong.

I don't even know how I retake - supposedly I can retake but I have to retake next year with next year's class - in theory - apart from they've cut the classes due to funding and next year's class isn't running.

So, I think I've just wasted a year of my life, over £1000 with nothing to show at the end of it. Weldone Gretta - you get a royal a* for that mess up!

A weekend with Teddy

2011-05-25T06:20:00.000-07:00

Sooo I finally got to spend a whole weekend with Teddy and to be quite frank... He's no longer the man for me. He still showed strong signs of being that man I cared so much for so many years ago but I don't know the spark was gone. gone. gone.

I still have more respect for him than any man I've ever met, he still looked after me, he still showed chilvalry, he still bought me presents and meals and was a true gentleman. But something was missing and that was romance.

In my eyes he's naturally turned into a friend that I have an enormous amount of respect for but wont be more than that. The main reason being I need a man who's not afraid to touch his food. Who doesn't big him self up in a pouncey way and who doesn't say to me "with age comes selfishness"that's not what I want I want a man who says "with age I've learned to be less selfish"

He's no longer what I want and that can only be a very good thing.

Things I could have done without hearing today

2011-05-15T14:52:00.000-07:00

"So Gretta I don't know if you spent much time with CD when he was at the pub the other month but he's really changed he's so chilled out now and everyone's saying he's a much nicer person and really treating his new girlfriend so well"

I'm sorry are you my friend? really my friend? You think I want to hear how great my ex is doing. No not really thanks but I am glad he's doing well. And funnily enough no I didn't spend time with him at the pub in fact I left purposely to avoid him.

"You still live with your parents you must really like your parents"

Actually I lived in a beautiful little flat but the landlord wanted it back and I realised my cheapest option was to move back home. I have heaps of disposable cash and I'm saving for when I do meet someone and um yeah I do get on really well with my parents.... Result I'd say.

An Ode to CD...

I saw the potential in you and what you could be
But you weren't that person when you were with me

I could see how great that you might be
But you weren't that person when you were with me

I supported your dreams, your visions and what you could see
But you didn't want to reach them when you were with me

I let go of you and set you free
So you could be the person you were meant to be

The person you just weren't able to be
When you were with me

I'm glad that your happy and your dreams are coming true
I hope one day I'll be just as happy with some new
with someone who can be who they're meant to be
Someone who will be happy and able to share dreams with me.

FUN?

2011-05-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

Biker has gone to the states for a 3 week holiday which means he's not online.

When I was online I didn't miss him which made me think that I'm not that bothered by him. But I kind of miss him now. Hes always online, maybe he needs to get a life but now he's the one disappearing I'm not so keen on that.

Bumped into Mr Tall this mornign and I didn't ask about Flatmate.. Actually we had a really good chat mainly about the dates he's been on lately and the lack of dates I've been on lately. He's a good guy really is Mr Tall.

I'm putting off jobs at the moment I have so many boring jobs on my to do list that I don't want to do it's unbelieveable!!!

WANT SOMETHING FUN TO DO!

When did JerkBoy get hot?

2011-05-09T15:01:00.000-07:00

Caught up with JerkBoy this weekend and it was soo good it's been ages since we've caught up just the 2 of us.

He was looking hot too. I can't say Jerkboy and hot are two words I put together that often but he's started boxing training and his arms. OH MY GOD!!!!! His arms have well bulked out.

Suddenly I think his girlfriend is a very lucky girl but then again I kind of thought that anyway.

Thankfully, the thought of dating Jerkboy now makes me cringe because he's like a borther to me.

If he wasn't like a brother ot me.. I'd probably want to shag his brains out.

16 days and counting

2011-05-03T07:40:00.000-07:00

My weekend with Teddy is edging ever closer. He's finally communicated with me and we've got A meeting venue and time sorted. Part of me can't wait to see him, part of me is already dreading the goodbye. One weekend in 4 years is not long enough or enough time. FACT! But I'm going to embrace it as best I can.

Royal Wedding

2011-04-29T14:11:00.000-07:00

Hada lovely day today, the friends came over...... Jerkboy and his lady frined

Really lovely married couple I know, and a single guy and then me...

I've drunk far too muchwine everyone had left now but I a m still drinking wine, keep crying this is the probem with wine it makes me cry it makes me think when am I gona meet that osmeone then I get upset and then I keep drinking wine. Ig et into this day deram that I wan tsomeone to come along and say it's all gon A be ok but no one ever does because I lieave these sad thoughts until I'm drunk and on my own.

No one ver tellys Gretta it's gona be ok and so Gretta ists ther in tears. Deinking wine. And wondering when, when she'll meet someone who she can love and who will llvoe her back. Someone who wont screw her over and break her heart. She doubts it will ever happeb for her so she drinks wine and trues to forget teh only issue si it makes her remember. She knows how she longs to love someone and be love in return and she remembers that she's screwed up every relationship she's beeen in and questions whether she's worth the love of someone else anyway.

No on e knosz ghd wAy Gretta feels because she doesnt tell any onne who would underatand anyway?>

Stupid wedding, brings hope to everyone else bring drunk sadness to Gretta.

3 weeks to go.

2011-04-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

I had a week full of thoughts the main one being

"why did I agree to go to Barcelona to meet Teddy, what am I trying to do to myself".

I've slowly been thinking it's going to be torture meeting Teddy again, it's been 4 long years but that's not it. The problem is I have fallen for this image that he's turned into in my head and I'll go and either shatter the image which will hurt like hell or confirm the image which will eventually hurt like hell when we come to saying goodbye!

I'm booked, I'm going, I can't turn the clock back but why I made this decision now I'll never quite know. Oh well only 3 weeks to go!

Onions. because I think of onions everytime I write the word opinion! Weird.

2011-04-14T05:38:00.000-07:00

I got a text from the handsome pilot today it said this....

"After nearly 4 years of absence it's weird being back in *insert my city* again".

I didn't know what to reply - there was no "so do you fancy meeting up for a drink" there was no "I'm here shall we meet?" There was no nothing.

So I replied saying

"What a lovely overcast day for you... Enjoy it".

That was over 2 hours ago and no reply. Part of me so wants the handsome pilot to contact me and arrange a drink, the other part of me thinks he's quite rude I haven't heard from him for about a week no emails, no facebook messages, no texts and now he texts me!!!

But if he does send me a text inviting me for a drink I'll go. If he doesn't I won't. I figure even though he's a well handsome pilot he still has more to lose than me because I'm quite a girl in my humble opinion.

When something grabs you..

2011-04-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

I was reading a blog today and within it was these words. "Don't let one player knock you out of the game" This was interesting but I fear I've come across more than my share of players I thought to myself. Then I realised... "If more than one player knock you out of the game then you're clearly playing the wrong game Gretta". Maybe it's time for a new one!

Hates distance

2011-04-10T09:53:00.001-07:00

I've been spending heaps of time online talking to Biker. Really have had a connection with him. Shame he lives as far away from me as phsically possible! Even he reckons if we lived in the same place we'd be dating by now. I happen to completely agree. He's lovely!

Just an update

2011-04-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

So the Handsome Pilot called last Monday. However, I'd decided to take my mum shopping at the mall because I didn't want to spend my time waiting for his call and when he called he was in an airport waiting for a flight which meant that as we were talking there we PA announcements. I was at the mall and there was also mall noise. All of which meant our conversation lasted for 2 minutes and not any longer than that. The good thing is he sounded really nice and he's planning to be in my city at some point over the next 2 weeks. Actually, I messaged him today to ask when he expected to be here and he said he'd have to check his diary but he thinks it's between the 13th and 15th of April. I had an email waiting for me from Teddy today when I woke up saying that he's planning to book his flight next week. I'm sure his last email said the exact same thing. I'm fairly convinced his next email will say the same thing yet as he's booked his accommodation I'm convinced he's gona be there. Still getting to know Biker. Out of all of the guys I've met recently Biker is the one making the most effort and Biker is the one furthest away. Story of my life!

Handsome P

2011-03-28T04:07:00.000-07:00

I wrote about Handsome P in this post I was chatting to Handsome P on facebook yesterday and he said "Gretta you do realise we've never had a voice conversation?" I had realised but I'd not really paid much attention to this fact. We've been happily emailing and messaging each other via facebook since July but it's never felt like it was going anywhere and it kind of got comfortable. I liked it. He's met some of my friends which is odd because we haven't actually met and he liked my friends and they liked him. Anyway by the end of the discussion we exchanged number he said he'd call me today. I shouldn't be nervous I view this guy as a friend but I am nervous... I'm bricking it slightly. It's weird. I've got a day off today and I'm trying not to spend the whole day waiting for a phone call but it seems I don't have anything better to do - this is a sorry state of affairs....

Buff Biker..

2011-03-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

In this post I mentioned someone called Biker.

Biker and I seem to be spending an awful lot of time chatting on msn. To the point that I'm actually questioning what are online friendship actually is?

He lives in New Zealand. As far away as physically possible but something keeps drawing me back to this guy. I want to talk with him, I want to dream that distance won't be an issue even though I figure it is. He's so sweet and he's giving me heaps of attention and I'm really enjoying his company. To the point it scares me.

We met on a dating site and have I let myself be vulnerable with this guy because in my mind the distance makes him safe. I'm scared because I'm worried the distance is doing the exact opposite it could potentially take me out of my safety and to somewhere else entirely if I let it.

If. I. Let. It.

Does size matter?

2011-03-22T07:33:00.000-07:00

I've never been one to worry about a man's size.

CD's wasn't huge, in fact I'm pretty sure it was on the small side. Well it was smaller than I'd ever experienced before. It gives me some pleasure in knowing that my next guy is highly likely going to be more blessed in that area but it didn't matter that it was small the sex was still good. In fact he did some awesome things with his hands and mouth. Ok I'm going off point.. Slightly.

I want sex, when I make scenarios in my head the penis is huge. Massive in fact. Unrealistically gigantic penis' enter me.

Size shouldn't matter but why in my sex dreams does it matter. Because it does. It really does.

Journeys

2011-03-20T09:10:00.000-07:00

I read a number of blogs and some of the blogs I've been reading I've read for years. It's been fun reading about people's journeys.

One girl I met used to be just like me a city girl, slightly playful in her past yet wanting to settle. She met a guy, she settled, she got married and now on her blog she's just announced she's having a baby.

Hmmmm I'm still single.

I hope change come soon because I'm also so bored of playing. Plus I want something exciting to happen in my journey.

Organised Chaos!

2011-03-17T07:01:00.001-07:00

My adorable Teddy hasn't been so adorable of late.

Yesterday I booked my tickets to Barcelona to meet him there in May after receiving this email

"Hi Gretta, I'll be arriving on the Friday lunch-time in Barcelona and then heading to Nice on the Monday. Just need to confirm a few things but that is locked in".

I assumed that this meant his flight was booked - arriving at lunch-time, he's already told me his friend has booked their accommodation. I went straight online and booked a flight - replied to the email saying I'd done so and now just need him to send me the accommdation details.

"Gretta you're too organised I haven't booked my flight yet but don't stress it's set in stone I'll be there".

My response

"not stressed just wish your german half would kick in the half that would get up at 5am to reserve a sun lounger your laid back aussie ways do my head in".

I've given up caring about whether he's gona be there or not I love Barcelona and I'll be more than happy pottering around on my own if he doesn't get his arse in gear.

I still feel sick....

Sick

2011-03-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

Since the first day in January I have been sick 3 times.

I once again have a stinking cold.

To be honest it's getting a bit boring.

Lent?

2011-03-08T04:10:00.000-08:00

I figure since July men have just completely messed with my head and I'm fed of it. There's lots of guys who are willing to flirt and have a bit of fun but no guys that are up for commitment for the longer term.

I'm done with playing. I keep getting myself into situations I don't want to be in and I'm not even sure I'm actually keeping up with all the guys who want to text flirt, facebook flirt, online date flirt, msn flirt but actually when it comes to taking me out on an actual date just never get round to asking.

I haven't had a date since July and I want a guy who is willing to take me out on a date what's all this pissing around with online and phone flirting.

So, I'm taking a break. If a guy wants me he knows where to find me. No more chasing for Gretta starting from now. In fact it's going to be what I do for lent. My Christian friend tells me Christians give up things for lent to be like Jesus when he didn't eat for 40 days.

So for lent I'm giving up contacting men. If a man contacts me I'll reply but I will not make the initial contact or the first move for 40 days starting from.....

Well, it's suppose to be tomorrow but I'll start it today so this finished on Saturday 16th April.

BRING IT ON....

Attention seeking men

2011-03-03T04:08:00.001-08:00

So I have a pretty much whole month with absolutely no boy in sight. It was kind of nice then March starts and suddenly I have 4 guy possibilities. 4??? How the crap did that happen.

Guy 1: Well hot Pilot I met on the dating site. We've been chatting online since July, never met. I'll call him Hansome P (mainly because I used to have a different pilot on here). So Handsome P is about to get based on one of the canary isles. Coincidently I have some friends who moved out there so when Handsome P told me he was struggling to find an apartment out there I suggested he get in touch with my friends already out there. Next thing I know Handsome P is going out there next week and meeting up with MY friends. He hasn't even met me yet but he's told me once he gets an apartment I can go and visit him anytime. He's also told me he thinks I'm naturally pretty and doesn't like it when I wear make-up - he's never seen a picture of me without make-up on haha.

Guy 2: is hotstuff. He's visiting this weekend and wants to meet up with me. I don't know what to do he's a great guy but he kind of rejected me, I say kind of because he said he would date me if we lived in the same city but we don't so that's that. Now he's visiting and wants to meet?!? All on his terms one thinks.

Guy 3: is Biker. Biker lives in NZ which is as far away from me as you can get. But he's so interested he messages me ALL the time, he wants me to go over, he's forever talking about how he wants to woo me. He sounds desperate but he doesn't come across it he just comes across as a gentlemen and I'm really enjoying chatting to him.

and then there is guy 4...

Guy 4: My Teddy. Teddy's got a job which is great but his daily one liner emails have now turned into a much longer email once every few days. He still wants me to meet him in Barcelona and I still want to meet him in Barcelona. His email tones have changed, I can tell he's excited about the prospect of us seeing each other again. He knows as well as I do it's been 4 long years. Now he just needs to plan his trip so I can plan mine. We're meeting in the middle and I can't frigging wait.

But what this does do is freak me out slightly. Truth is nothing will come of any of these 4 guys, yet they all want my attention in some way or another and I'm just not sure I've got enough attention to go round. And what if I miss the opportunity with one when I'm giving attention to a different one.

I kind of prefered this time last month when my attention wasn't so craved.

Very Attractive Single Female!!!

2011-02-24T10:09:00.000-08:00

I met up with The X Monday. The X is the guy well before CD and The X is married and happily married.

He's a teacher and was on half term, he was visiting his family in my city and asked me out to lunch. Perfect I thought. You see me and The X were always the best of friends, then we had an on off relationship for 3 years where he cheated on me twice - yeah nice!!! But then an incident happened which caused him to apologise for all the hurt caused and we both decided that we shouldn't let 3 years that started when we were just teens ruin what was up until then a perfectly sound friendship. So when I was about 22 we went back to being friends and we've just friends ever since.

On Monday he told me his Mrs was unhappy about him having lunch with me because of our history but he won't let her insecurities stop him

Gretta: You do realise we've had lunch together heaps - when she was girlfriend, when you were engaged and since you've been married?

The X: Yeah I know she's always been funny about it but what can I do. I'm not going to wreck our friendship again not after before.

And that was that I kind of have a lot of respect for him. I actually get on really well with his Mrs so I find it sad that she gets insecure about me but when The X said this to me I couldn't help but feel slightly flattered.

The X: Gretta come on you're a very attractive, single female who I once dated. Think about it. You'd probably be a bit jealous too if it was the other way round.

I'm a very attractive, single female....... *blush*

I bit my tongue realising that saying something like "yeah but that didn't stop you cheating on me twice" probably wouldn't be wise. Let me just focus on the very attractive single female bit!!!

Online Dating Dilemma

2011-02-19T15:35:00.000-08:00

As you know I've had pretty much next to no luck on the online dating thing....

There was a short ginger guy that I went on one date with and it was a complete disaster.

There's the well handsome pilot who knows he's handsome and threatened to visit my city but hasn't yet. I still talk to him on chat but we've been chatting since July and nothing has actually come of it apart from I think we might be online friends of some sort which is a bit odd.

Then there was the Doctor from the UK Coast who was going to visit during Christmas break but got stuck in the snow. His facebook status has just turned to "in a relationship".

Well, there is one other guy who emailed me a fair bit and I want to call him Biker. Biker is into motorsport and I like motorsport so this sits well with me. Biker isn't great looking but nor is he unattractive, he's got dark hair - he calls it brown I would call it dark ginger but the colour suits him he carries it well in all his pics. He's tall and thin, not the muscular type that I usually go for. The thing I like the most about Biker is his humour we've been chatting on msn now for about 3 weeks and everytime I come away with a smile on my face and he's me laugh in some way. I can tell that he's feeling the same he kind of eases me into the conversation and I find myself wanting to say nice things to him in the same way he says nice things to me. It feels nice, it makes me feel nice.

There's one massive problem with Biker, one that I think it too big to get over, but one I'm choosing to ignore while I'm enjoying talking to him so much and the one problem I know will prevent me at some point to taking this further and probably the one thing that will stop him.....

He lives in New Zealand!

Teddy no time!

2011-02-17T06:50:00.000-08:00

And then Teddy replied

"Gretta completely forgot I'm snowed under this weekend so no way I can skype".

It's the first time I've felt completely let down by Teddy, actually it's not the first time but usually when we plan to Skype he skypes.

I am pissed off to the extreme right now.

Teddy times!

2011-02-17T03:03:00.000-08:00

So Teddy and I really need to sort out Barcelona the fact being whether or not I'm going to meet him there and whether or not I can talk his cute but into actually booking something.

He promised me a Skype this weekend to talk things through, so I've just emailed him the most likely times I'll be online this weekend and how likely it is that his times coincide with mine.

I can't wait to catch up with him part of me wants to do my hair and make-up specially. To look unbelievably gorgeous and to seduce him into agreeing to get some things booked in so we can actually meet each other in Barcelona.

So so so so so want to create some more sweeet sweet sweet memories with this guy. So do!

Liar Liar

2011-02-12T13:52:00.000-08:00

With online dating it seems at some point someone is going to lie on their profile.

There was this guy that I thought was lovely looking, his profile read well, we seemed to have a few things in common and under his occupation he'd put "services" this means the army, royal navy or RAF.

So when I said which are you in? He replied and said "RETAIL".

Right. Now I have no problem with dating a guy in retail none whatsoever but I do have a problem with a guy who things "services" means "retail"

Back to searching the site for someone who actually tells the truth. I somehow doubt I'm gona find my Mr Right on an online dating site. I want my Mr Right to at least try to be honest with me.

The Arms and New Guy = The one I want and the one I really don't want!

2011-02-09T07:03:00.000-08:00

Remember The Arms

Well, me and The Arms are still in contact we probably instant message each other twice or three times a week.

Last night we had a lovely conversation that I just didn't want to end but due to his job as a pilot a hunky stud of a pilot with great arms he had to get up at 3.30am and therefore go to bed. Wish I was in his bed and wish he was in my city and wish we would go on a date.

Right back to the point Gretta. Yes he's lovely, great conversation, hunk, but still yet to meet for real.

Oh and remember New Guy

Well, things between us fizzled out his cockyness began to irratate me. He's actually a really nice guy but I fast began to realise his way was always the right way and if we hung out it was always doing what he wanted and he'd somehow make me feel guilty if I wanted to do something else.

The other week he invited me for a walk in the country, one I really didn't want to go on because I knew it meant I'd end up having to spend 3 hours in conversation with him listening to his bouts of cockyness.

Then..... I made up an excuse not to go, it was actually true a good friend of mine had a row with her fiance and they were thinking about calling off the engagement, friend was in bit I had to cancel going on the walk which was quite a relief and said we'd catch up another time.

Then he rang me about 3 weeks ago

New Guy: Gretta when are you free for that catch up?

Gretta: Um let me get my diary - ah I'm not free until the 11th Feb

New Guy: That's ages away but ok the 11th Feb will do - what do you want to do?

Gretta: Cinema lets go to the cinema *thinking to myself we don't have to talk if we're watching a film*

New Guy: Really? but that means we wont really get to catch up.

Gretta: I really fancy the cinema we could go for a drink after (oh Gretta why a drink after)

New Guy: Ok cool cinema it is.

He just rang my office to confirm. I was shocked

Gretta: why are you ringing my office and not my mobile and how did you get my office number?

New Guy: I tried your mobile you didn't answer so I looked up your company on the net and rang your office. Just wanted to double check Friday night.

Gretta: Yep all good

New Guy: I was thinking we could go for food first so we could catch up?

Gretta: Trouble with food before the movie is we risk missing the movie and food after the movie will be too late really so why don't we eat before and I'll pick you up on the way to the cinema

New Guy: It's just we're not gona get chance to catch up.

Gretta: We we'll go for a drink after.

He's still making me feel unbelievably awkward. I'm guessing he's well and truly over his ex now and wants to get close to me again but I've moved on from him now. If anything he's beginning to really get on my nerves and the less time spent with him the better.

Pot calling kettle black!!!!

2011-02-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

In my job sometimes my superiors make me do their dirty work.

Often this works out well because 'I'm just the messenger' and can use that line and then say "if you need to discuss further than we can book you in an appointment with the person the message came from" often people are too lazy to do so and just let it drop.

Today I had to pass on a message to an ex superior who has been kind of 'demoted' but by choice. The message was from the superior that took that person's place and the message was a kind of sort it out or we'll have to change aspects of your work.

Not a good message to have to deliver but a message that person has asked me to deliver to other people several times before. The message pretty much the same the reaction very different. Oh the reaction, guess it's really not nice being on the receiving end of that message.

Pot calling the kettle black - most certainly.

It's going to be interesting in the office over the next few days, I'm just waiting for the blow up.

Not to email.

2011-02-07T08:25:00.000-08:00

Today has been a good day.

Why?

Because yesterday when I replied to Teddy's email I closed down the on going email conversation.

I'd ask him a question, he'd ask me a question and it's been like a once a day email instant message pretty much every day since Christmas - bar the fact that it's not instant and not necessarily everyday. I'm getting annoyed at myself because I find myself hoping that his reply to the email the day before would turn up in my inbox and look at my inbox an awful amount during my day in hope.

Today I've had no reason to check my inbox because I didn't send him anything that needed a reply and I just checked my email for the second time today and no reply.

Now I'm having a few days break, I'm quite glad that I haven't been obsessing like a teenager today.

Will he notice I've gone? Who knows!

Teddy makes me smile!

2011-02-06T05:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes all I need is an email from Teddy to put a smile on my face :)

The truth of the matter....

2011-02-02T14:25:00.000-08:00

I think JerkBoy is struggling a bit with his new relationship and maybe I'm not helping matters. I've distanced myself big time and I actually like the girl much more than any of his previous endeavours.

These are the 3 things that have caused me concern.

Jerkboy turns up at my place

Gretta: wow you're wearing my favourite shirt and the aftershave I bought you last Christmas.

Jerkboy: It's all for you Gretta, it's always all for you.

Gretta: you're such a charmer.

a bit later he goes on to tell me about this situation

Jerkboy: The other day I was with my GF and a work colleague and the work colleague sat in the front of my car why the GF had to sit in the back. I ended up having a massive row with the work colleague over her behaviour.

Later that same evening

I sit in the front of JerkBoys car when we go to pick up his GF when we get to her place I sit in the back

Jerkboy: No Gretta you don't have to sit in the back.

Gretta: I think I do.

Jerkboy: No I didn't mean you. Seriously you didn't have to get in the back.

Then today, finally he's accepted his GFs request so that they're now officially in a relationship on facebook. I sent Jerkboy a text

"I'm so proud of you".

His reply

"Gretta you know I did it for you and not the GF".

The thing is I have moaned at him that she'll feel like he can't commit to her if he doesn't accept it and that I think he should accept it and yaddy yaddy yaddy. It really wouldn't surprise me if he actually did do it for me.

I know Jerkboy and I have a deep friendship but we need to make sure that friendship doesn't affect our relationships and I'm trying my hardest here to make sure he does the right thing by his GF and not the right thing by me.

Ahh well, I guess Jerkboy in a 'serious' relationship was never going to be easy after the friendship we've had.

The wreckish

2011-02-02T14:14:00.000-08:00

I think I've lost all cool and turned into one of those desperados that don't know how to play the game properly.

Everything was going well.

Teddy and I have been in email conversations since Christmas with just the occasional few day break. This bided well with his travel plans in May.

Then I think it all went to pot when he told me he was putting the feeders out for work and I asked him how that will affect his travel plans. You see I want him to come on holiday with me and I somehow think that's not going to happen now and I definitely think my disappointedness showed via email.

I don't know I felt him drift slightly over the last few days. Don't get me wrong he's still emailing but his breaks are getting longer and his emails are getting shorter. I guess now it's time to kick in the "I don't give a shit" mentality but it's hard to do when I really do give a rather large shit.

losen up!

2011-01-30T15:08:00.001-08:00

You may or maynot have noticed that it's been a while since I've mentioned Jerkboy on this blog.

There are 2 reasons for that...

1. being he now has a girlfriend
2. being he really pissed me off over New Year.

I get a text from Jerkboy this afternoon asking if I'm going to one of our friend's birthday meals and if I want a lift. I say yes to both and then say why don't you pop round a bit early for a catch. I mean I haven't seen him for ages and I really need to get over the whole New Year thing.

So he turns up and he's his usual charming self.

"Gretta I know you like this shirt so I'm wearing"
"Gretta did you notice I'm wearing the aftershave you bought me for Christmas"
"Gretta it's all for you, you know that don't you".

Right Jerkboy now tell me about how things are going with the GF.

All in all they seem to be very much the picture of happyness and I like her but she's asked him to be in a relationship with her on facebook and he's just left it pending. I asked him what's stopping him from accepting it and he said "well, it's freaked me out to be honest". I knew it... He's just like every other guy slightly afraid to commit to this girl.

Anyway, we went out for this birthday meal and after getting me he picked up his GF it was the second time I've met her and I do genuinely think she's lovely, she's pretty and bubbly and clearly they get on which is nice to see but they are so different.

I was beginning to notice silly little things like she won't eat chicken off the bone. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being a fussy eater or even a vegetarian but JerkBoy he loves his chicken and I just think if she's a meat eater what the heck is wrong with chicken off the bone. She hardly ate a thing and I could see JerkBoy encouraging her to eat more to which she said to him "you're such a feeder you are". Then she turned her nose up at fish and ok I'm chatting alot about food here but Jerkboy likes his food and I could tell her eating habits were frustrating him. There were also little instances where JerkBoy was being his normal cheeky self and if he said it to me I'd laugh it off but she was getting so offended and all I was thinking is he gets soooo much more cheeky then that you're really going to need to losen up girl.

I guess it kind of made me realise that maybe just maybe that's why he hasn't quite decided to accept her relationship request on facebook. To top it off I wasn't wearing an overly revealing top but I did have a little, discreet bit of cleavage on display and Jerkboy at one point couldn't take his eyes off of my boobs. HIS GF WAS SAT RIGHT NEXT TO HIM.

Thing is he's probably in perfect relationship heaven in his head, however from my opinion I saw cracks, definite cracks.

Seriously who wants a girl who is too self obsessed to enjoy food she even at one point said she wouldn't eat duck because it's too fatty and a duck is too cute to eat, to which me and Jerkboy both said at the same time "you don't eat duck?" almost in shock.

Time and time again I say it on paper me and Jerkboy make the perfect couple and maybe I am just a bit on the protective side when it comes to him. In reality we both know we would drive each other mad. Yet this girl, I don't know she maybe pretty and bubbly but on the flip side she really really needs to losen up because if she doesn't I can't see Jerkboy sticking around. And trust me regardless of whether or not he's ready to commit on facebook, if she does get him to commit he will be worth it and so much more.

Another step in the right direction

2011-01-26T10:38:00.000-08:00

So, I found out today that CD is in a relationship.

I thought when this day came I'd be a bit of a mess to be honest. However, I'm not a mess I'm just pissed off that he got there first.

I hope him and his new girlfriend are very happy together. And I hope that I meet my man soon.

Oh boy Oh boy.

2011-01-24T14:17:00.000-08:00

I asked Teddy if he was offended he said he wasn't and then he said funnily enough he had a lightbulb moment about his issues, his main issue being his work situation. In my eyes it's not even really an issue. He just doesn't have work at the moment, due to quitting, which ok is a bit of an issue but he's planning on traveling so it's not that big an issue really there is plenty of time to work.

Anyway I have to be so careful here, we've been in touch soooo much since December and I feel myself falling for him again, did I really ever have no feelings for him, probably not but that's not the point I feel my feelings getting stronger.

The worst part is if we actually spent a long length of time face to face instead of online communicating from zillions of miles away I probably wouldn't be interested at all. He's probably drive me mildly insane.

He's not really my type, I mean he's an engineer and his logic doesn't match my logic he wants boxes ticked and I don't give a stuff about boxes. I like to pre-plan and he's spontaneous to the extreme, he's got a lovely smile but drinks too much coffee so his teeth are beginning to slightly stain, he is balding (I quite like it, it makes him look mature and manly) but most women wouldn't dig the bald patch I'm sure and and he's hair (well I love hair too, in fact a hairy man really turns me on) hmmm we have lots in common as well though, we have similar political view points and we both like Rugby, Tennis and F1, when on skype we constantly laugh and he likes to daydream and we both love rum and rum based drinks and I'm suppose to be persuading myself not to like him.

It's hopeless.

You know some of his friends think he might be gay. He told me that and he was clearly upset in fact he's still single at 32 and most of his mates have settled down and you could tell he was disappointed by his tone that he hasn't settled down yet. Oh but I need to focus on the fact that his friends think he's gay. He's gay, he's gay...

Oh he's so NOT gay.

Still a moron

2011-01-21T13:57:00.000-08:00

I'm still feeling like a total moron Teddy hasn't replied, I'm wondering if I offended him. You know I thought it wasn't so bad apart from the bit that I quite like this guy and I'm telling to get it on with a hot blonde. But that's not really it, if I gave him the impression his issues are insignificant then maybe I upset him, usually he would have replied by now. It's taking all of my strength not to message him and tell him I didn't mean to offend.

Silly Gretta. Silly Silly Gretta.

I am a moron.

2011-01-20T12:55:00.000-08:00

I am a total moron, or at least I feel like one.

So, I'm in an email conversation with Teddy today and he happens to mention one of his mates was trying to set him up with a hot blonde but he's just not interested at the moment.

I asked him why he wasn't interested and that it surprised me that he wouldn't be - he said he had to get his issues sorted out first as he wouldn't want to load all of his issues on to someone else and why would I be surprised? and then this came out....

"everyone has issues Teddy and as I'm getting older I'm realising I have to more accepting of that. I understand the principle behind what you're saying (because I've been there) but they'll always be areas in our lives where we're insecure or that we struggle with. In fact I'm convinced these are your words that you gave to me not so long back. Would you really load 'issues' on to someone you're just getting to know? If you really feel you're not in the right place to pursue something then I completely understand I felt exactly the same way not so long back myself. You've got to do what's right for you. You know that, I know that. I just don't want you to miss an opportunity when you're trying to sort something out that might not be as big an issue as you think it is. That's all. Oh and the surprise part - since when do you pass up a hot blonde"

What the fuck am I doing I've liked this guy for I don't know how frigging long, he's coming over this year from Australia and here I am encouraging him to get it on with some hot blonde. Not only that but I've never known him to have been in a relationship with a blonde so as far as I know he passes up opportunities all the time. Why did I do that? WHY WHY WHY??

He's going to think I'm not interested in him when I am, I really really am.

We'll he get here

2011-01-13T07:14:00.000-08:00

I've been in many email conversations this past few weeks with Teddy.

Trying to sort out things for when he visits but things are so dependent on his work it's just shockingly rubbish.

Anyways, I'm half hoping things are soon going to fall into place.

NOT HAPPY!

2011-01-05T08:14:00.000-08:00

PANTS PANTS PANTS PANTS PANTS........

The Hunky Pilot (who is welllll out of my league) from the dating site found out that he's been put on base in Italy. His first choice was either my city or London. HE WAS TRYING TO GET MY CITY TO BE HIS BASE AND HE GOT BLOODY BASED IN ITALY. He said he almost cried when he heard the news, well so did I.........

PANTS PANTS PANTS PANTS PANTS......

Men Yey

2011-01-02T11:36:00.000-08:00

I heard from datesite guy and he... he told me due to the snowy weather he had to get the train so didn't drive and thus not venturing through my city. I don't give a stuff I didn't reply to that message and I'm not going to he can go fuck himself.

Moving on...

I did hear from Teddy this Christmas and Teddy is coming to Europe in May and Teddy has invited me to Spain with him and I'm going to go. I don't know what that might bring but what I do know is that it's brough one big smile on my face at the beginning of 2011.

Also, a pilot I met on the dating site has told me he's in my city this month and I've said I'll meet up with him providing it's NOT a date - I'm off guys and he's off girls so this way they'll be no pressure.

Happy 2011 you all I know seeing Teddy this year will make mine particularly good.

Men Pah!

2010-12-27T15:11:00.000-08:00

I am really pissed of with men at the moment.

CD emailed me to wish me a happy Christmas, he took the time and made it personal. We split up well over a year ago now sometimes the effects make it feel like yesterday yet when I think of CD I know it feels like longer than a year I don't even know who he is anymore nor do I want too.

If hearing from CD wasn't bad enough I haven't heard from Datesite guy which I've decided is far far worse.

It might sound insane to you but I was sooo looking forward to some harmless fun. Yes that's right. Good harmless fun. Bloody hell the guy asked me twice if I wanted to go on a date with him, twice I replied saying yes and the second time when are you in my city? NO REPLY.

Ok I'm not one for one night stands but maybe I was thinking about breaking that rule, maybe I just wanted to be close to a man, to feel a man to be with a man and then all I get is a stark realisation that the man can't even be bothered to make an effort to arrange a date.

So yes man out there you've really pissed me off!!!!!

I'm a girl I can't help it!

2010-12-22T07:16:00.001-08:00

So I've now added date site guy on facebook and had a really good look at his pictures. He's quite dishy, which I knew from his date site pic but you always use your best pic for the date site.

He's still up for meeting but has still not organised it and not only that the UK is coated in snow and travel is majorly disrupted so I'm trying to stay completely level headed about it all.

Due to weather it might not happen

Due to distance it's highly unlikely we'll be more than friends

However, in my head I've moved in, been proposed to and had his children. I've not even met him yet. So, need to put the girl back in and let the logic take over.

In other news I feel so sick - bloody mince pies why do I eat them when they make me feel ill.

Dating Site Madness!!!

2010-12-11T01:32:00.000-08:00

So it would seem over the Christmas Period I've lined myself up with a date with a doctor. I've not spoken to him on the phone and we've only sent a few messages via the dating site backwards and forwards.

He doesn't live in the area but is passing through while visiting family in other parts of the UK. This could be interesting I think he potentially could be very well spoken and very pretentious. Or he could be caring and lovely ha!

If anything it will give me something to blog about. Roll on my Christmas date!

I like her, I like her a lot...

2010-12-05T09:46:00.000-08:00

JerkBoy: So Gretta what do you think of my new girlfriend?

Gretta: I like her, in fact I think she's the nicest girl you've introduced me to. I like her lot.

JerkBoy: Darn it, I like dating girls you don't like just to wind you up. Why do you like her sooo much?

Gretta: I have my reasons but I'm not telling you....

Because how do you tell someone the reason you like their girlfriend is because they're much more in their league then the girls they've gone for before, they're not drop dead gorgeous so won't end it when someone better looking comes along, they're not skinny enough that they might break if you touch them (like JBs previous choices) and they're not overly intelligent.

She seems normal and that's why she differs from the others and that's why I like her. I mean it's almost an insult rather than a compliment... But the thing is I like her because she's in his league which means it actually might work for him.... So, I can't tell him why I like her but I like her, I like her a lot.

Sleeping Pretty.

2010-12-03T03:11:00.000-08:00

JerkBoy: I feel bad I came over to catch up with you and I fell asleep.

Gretta: It's ok I don't actually mind because you look so pretty when you sleep.

He's a sweetie pie

2010-12-01T06:22:00.001-08:00

I've been going to an evening course on a Tuesday Evening since September. On this course I've met a guy. He's lovely, sweet, good looking, single, good sense of humour and we've really connected. But there's something for me that at this moment in time doesn't feel right.

I think it's pretty obvious we are fond of each other and I've tried my hardest to keep it on the quiet infront of the other class mates but it's becoming near impossible.

When I arrived on Tuesday his face lit up, he just smiled at me this huge smile and then during the session I got that feeling that someone was looking at me and low and behold he was.

I walk to the carpark with a couple of the girls on the course and one of them was faffing about and I could see that he was reluctant to leave purposely so he could walk with me, and then we had this awkward silent walk together while the girls I usually walk with were a few steps behind.

Here's the problem - he's sweet, likeable, and I'm getting the distinct impression interested in me but something just doesn't quite sit right with me.

Have you ever had that feeling? or am I just being a little silly?

Boring!

2010-11-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

Teddy emailed me saying he might visit in May 11.

I don't even know what I think about that anymore.

He probably won't even make it.

No thank you

2010-11-21T10:02:00.000-08:00

So met the guy, his arms weren't even that good and not my type at all. Oh well.

Saw CD this weekend, didn't speak to him but I actually felt nothing. That was until my mate rang and said we're going to the pub for a catch up tonight if you wana come oh and CD is going to be there. I just decided not to go. When I saw him I didn't feel anything but the thought of a few friends in an intimate session at the pub with him. NO THANKS!

Good Arms!

2010-11-19T06:36:00.000-08:00

I'm going to a party tomorrow night and a friend of mine has told me there is a guy going that she thinks I will hit it off perfectly with because he's into climbing.

Right so because he's into climbing I'm going to get on with him? What? because I dated someone else who was into climbing and that ended in disaster? and the fact that I have a ridiculous fear of heights and couldn't think of anything worse than climbing on rocks? - right then we're definitely going to hit it off?

Gretta: So friend how old is he?

Friend: Ahh I don't know..

Gretta: Right ok what does he do?

Friend: Something in IT but I don't know what?

Gretta: ok do you anything else about him apart from the fact he's into climbing?

Friend: No not really, I've only met him once before, but I think he's single, he's nice looking and he's got good arms.

Gretta: Ahhh good arms - now I understand. You're right we're definitely going to hit it off.

The girl's got nothing

2010-11-17T06:32:00.000-08:00

I've got no man to talk about today.

I've got nothing I particular want to say.

Christmas is exciting

Life is not quite as exciting as the prospect of Christmas.

Dateless but not desperate is how I feel at the moment.

Quietness

2010-11-12T10:09:00.000-08:00

So I eventually tried to contact Jerkboy yesterday evening. He ignored me. I wasn't impressed. Turns out he was on a date. He kept the date really quiet if I hadn't tried to contact him I would have never known. I'm not jealous in the slightest which is why I know my funny the other day was probably just in my head!

Mr Tall was on msn today and we had a long chat. It was really good, he opened up about his ex and how she was feeling how he was feeling. He was opening up and I think that was good for him, what he needed. I always had a soft spot for Mr Tall I just don't actually believe he's the best thing for me.

Snap out of it!

2010-11-09T07:04:00.000-08:00

I've had a few texts lately from Mr Tall but no invite for a drink or anything the last text I got was yesterday morning and it was just a complete crappy text - I think he just wants the attention adn,I just don't seem to be that bothered to make the effort . I just get the impression he's after a rebound girl after his recent break up I can't be rebound girl.

JerkBoy and I have had a bit of a funny weekend to tell you the truth. Ended up spending the whole day with him Saturday and the afternoon and evening with him Sunday, by the end of the weekend it just felt like we'd gotten a bit too close again, again!! It's so stupid, I'm now on a 'i'm refusing to contact jerkboy mission' and he seems to be on a 'im refusing to contact Gretta mission' because I haven't heard from him since Sunday nor have I contacted him and usually we will send the odd text but it's like we're both avoiding. I don't know why we do it to ourselves it's beginning to happen so often we just get a little too friendly and then both freak out and start avoiding each other. I still sometimes think if we were in a relationship it would work but then on the flip side I think if it wasn't to work we'd both have so much to lose. I'm sure he must think it to sometimes, we're just so unbelievably comfortable with each other. I actually don't want to date the guy it would be too weird it's just why we keep getting ourselves into this awkward scenario I will never know.

Mr Tall!

2010-11-05T16:36:00.001-07:00

You'll never guess who I bumped into earlier this evening.

Only Mr Tall - Read about him here.

Mr Tall was the guy I was dating when I met Flatmate - because Flatmate was Mr Talls Flatmate.

That saga in 2007 seems like so long ago now. I was dating Mr Tall, in dating Mr Tall I met his Flatmate and as Mr Tall got less and less interested in me Flatmate got more and more interested and just ignored the fact he had a girlfriend. CRAZY TIMES.

Anyway, I bumped into Mr Tall, we got chatting and then ended up going for a drink. Turns out he had an on off girlfriend for over 2 and half years and about 2 months ago their relationship ended. It was soooo similar to mine and CDs relationship it was unbelieveable. Actually far too similar because Mr Tall is talking about going off to Canada traveling.

It was really brilliant catching up with him and I think we'll probably catch up again soon. I don't want to go back there really but he still looked just as good as he always did, still just had tall but you could tell he was hurting, he's a bit wounded after his break-up it was sad to see. The one good thing though neither of us mentioned Flatmate. If he'd brought him up I'd have to ask how him and gifty are doing and I'm kind of glad he didn't bring him up.

WoW Whoever thought I'd bump into Mr Tall again, when me and Flatmate stopped our 'relationship/affair' I just assumed that would be it I'll never see either of them again.

It was slightly odd but actually it really was quite good.

Just an update

2010-10-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

JerkBoy and I have been having a bit of an odd relationship lately we go from being just a little too close to arguing.

Yep it's like we pass the friendship line, we both realise and then we're both not very nice to each other. I hate bickering with him but it seems to be happening more and more often.

I get really funny about this girl who contacts him alllll the time, she's got a boyfriend and he loves that she's contacting him and he eggs her on and I hate it. I can't really judge because it reminds me of the Flatmate days. Jerkboy thinks I'm jealous but truth is I just worry that in the end he'll be the one hurt.

Oh and my boss has handed in his notice - my boss who I got on so well with also tried to screw me over - looooonnnggg story but the guy who's taken his place seems to be a bit more together. My jobs really up in the air at the moment.

In other news I've had a couple of emails from a guy on a dating site. It's early days but he seems normal which beats others I've met on the dating site although could be wrong.

Oh and Teddy hasn't sent me an email in about 5 days so that's probably a good thing I think.